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Maybe I'm just lucky, but I can't remember the last time I met someone like this. In my experience, when someone's great at delivering blunt, harsh, accurate criticism, it's usually because they're highly experienced in that particular area or are just good at arguing. (Not that that makes it feel any better to be the target of said criticism.)
There are posters on CD who are rude and if one looks at their previous posts, it validates a pattern of jumping on posters to call them stupid or comment that their postings are ridiculous and completely inaccurate.
Perhaps because they are anonymous on the internet they feel powerful. I have seen this personality type receive the same rudeness from other posters and then they react with, "How dare you treat me that way?!"
There are tactful and polite ways to debate a topic, but I guess they're not interested.
There are posters on CD who are rude and if one looks at their previous posts, it validates a pattern of jumping on posters to call them stupid or comment that their postings are ridiculous and completely inaccurate.
Perhaps because they are anonymous on the internet they feel powerful.
Interesting observation. This recently happened to me on one of my previous threads. Sometimes they start mobbing the poster or question their sanity. There are different manipulative techniques they use.
To the OP, I think in certain circumstances the person who can't dish it out comes from some type of similar abuse. Like an abused animal that turns aggressive only to defend oneself by becoming offensive. But when you hit them back, like most bullies they turn back into the abused victim that they really are masking.
Just like the previous poster put it, it's a false sense of power.
My office mate is this way. She is routinely condescending and snarky. No matter what I know about any topic, she knows more about it. Recently, I disagreed with her on something - basically I just stated my opinion. She freaked out and said she felt attacked by me. It was over the top and shocking for a minor difference of opinion.
I've heard her do similar freakouts over the phone with her husband and her parents. I can't hear their end of it, but it seems to involve profuse apologies. It seems deliberate and manipulative on her part, but she does seem to always get her way.
I've noticed this every now and then with certain people. While not common, it's puzzling behavior. These types of people will be rude, condescending, snarky, abrasive etc. on a regular basis, almost as if it is ingrained in their personality to communicate in this way, yet these same people will become the most sensitive people on the planet if anyone dares to stand up to them. In other words they are more then comfortable dishing it out but when it comes back their way, even in the smallest of dose, they can't handle it. At all.
Are they lacking in self awareness, not realizing how they come across? Are they faking their indignation in order to gaslight and play the victim? Or is it something deeper? The following article suggests that this is something that is commonly seen in narcissists. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...an-dish-it-out
I've always wondered, and marveled about how such people never "get it", when you turn the tables on them. They never get the message. Instead, they seem to decide that for some cryptic reason, you've changed in character from a nice person to a mean one. Even if you only deploy this tactic as a last resort. They just don't see a connection between their own behavior, and what is being dished back to them. And some of these are highly intelligent people. It indicates they have a huge blind spot.
My office mate is this way. She is routinely condescending and snarky. No matter what I know about any topic, she knows more about it. Recently, I disagreed with her on something - basically I just stated my opinion. She freaked out and said she felt attacked by me. It was over the top and shocking for a minor difference of opinion.
I've heard her do similar freakouts over the phone with her husband and her parents. I can't hear their end of it, but it seems to involve profuse apologies. It seems deliberate and manipulative on her part, but she does seem to always get her way.
Except with you, right? You dont give in to her playing the victim, do you?
Except with you, right? You dont give in to her playing the victim, do you?
Ha! I actually was thinking in terms of her family relationships, as I hear a lot of it. It didn't work with me for this incident - I kinda shrugged and turned back to my work. Wasn't going to apologize for an attack I didn't make.
For the record, I enjoy working with her - she can be a lot of fun; but I feel like I'm the grownup and she is an over dramatic teenager.
Last edited by MissMischief; 11-29-2017 at 07:21 PM..
Reason: misspell
It's a form of sociopathy. Read " The Sociopath Next Door" though some are just narcissists or just mean a-holes.
I dated a wonderful man who came from a household like you describe. He still carries the pain. You have my sincere hopes for healing.
I'm sorry, but I've seen the word Narcissist so many times, I'm sick of seeing it....when ever someone wants to describe bad behavior they label them Narcissistic....or racist is the other word people use whenever someone disagrees with them.
If you watch how adults act, who have children, we basically learn our characteristics from our parents. I have never in my life, seen so so many misbehaved children and bullies among children in my life.
then when you see how people talk to each other in forums and in news feeds, is it any wonder, children bully? Their parents give them everything they want, b/c they don't know how to discapline. I've seen kids in videos on my FB page screaming and carrying on, b/c they are not getting they're ways.
If I happen to comment on a news clip, there is always someone, if not several who come in and leave negative comments calling me and other's names. Do you know what first comes to mind? Good Lord, I wonder if he/she has children.
Your actions, what you say, how you feel about others, is projected right onto your kids....(and I mean your in general, not you)
Please understand, I'm not attacking you, but there are many reasons why people act they way they do....not just one reason...
you also have to remember. we're not all the same....meaning, I can probably take more stress than most....where you may be able to take more, while others can only take less....so.....
People are miserable, disappointed, angry and believe that they can say and do anything, without any consequence....there is always a consequence....always.....
Thoughts, words and deeds, affect so many others....not just one person.
People have lost that concept. I remember our parents saying, what you do, how you act, and what you say, reflects on me, as a parent, therefore you are going to behave and you are going to listen. If you respect me, you respect yourself and others around you.
I know this thread is a bit old, but I do have something to add. I just got out of a relationship with someone like this. He was certainly the type to be very critical/judgmental, but could not handle a taste of his own medicine. He would take everything personally and I felt as if I was explaining myself to him far more often than anyone I had ever dealt with.
He was hypersentive to anything that he perceived as criticism and would feel attacked very easily. It was so very confusing at the time, as he came off as very confident and secure in the beginning. Shortly after we got into a relationship though, he became far more insecure and sensitive and it was like being involved with two totally different people.
My experience has told me that some of these "can dish it, but can't take it" people have very low-self esteem and tend to compensate for their feelings of inferiority by wearing a mask of overconfidence/arrogance (especially when they are feeling attacked/threatened due to their self-esteem issues.) They are hyperfocused on anything that confirms their inferiority, whether real or perceived, and this in turn makes them feel attacked often. It is a very real experience for them.
My ex would turn into a monster if I ever raised a concern about him/the relationship. He had trouble hearing anything that made him feel less than perfect. I am convinced that he was deeply aware that he was not perfect and felt some level of shame within himself for not being perfect. I was not one to approach him in an accusatory manner. I even tried to use "I feel..." statements.
He was unable to see past himself and would interpret it as me trying to "attack his character." Therefore, he could not show care/concern for my feelings. It would immediately become all about him. To hell with me and what I felt. Since the attack felt real for him, he felt justified in responding with hostility. These people have very fragile egos, so it is very easy to wound them.
I could not express my feelings without experiencing his gaslighting. My feelings would be immediately rejected and dismissed (he loved to judge them as "illogical.") If I continued to stand my ground, he would become increasingly hostile and turn things around on me. He would become paranoid and irrational and accuse me of things that were simply untrue. I would attempt to defend myself against these false accusations, but he would hold onto them tightly.
It would take forever and a day for him to finally let go of the false accusations. I exhausted myself trying to get him to take me seriously. He would interpret my expressions of suffering as me trying to manipulate him by "playing the victim." Funny thing was, HE was the one playing the victim and clearly manipulating me (from beginning to end!) I once suggested that I treat him as he treats me and was told "that's childish."
I still miss him to this day, but I know that he was not good for me. I am a strong-minded woman, but I cannot be with someone who is so very sensitive. I cannot be with someone who will not take my feelings seriously. I cannot deal with the overreactions and hostility.
I've noticed this every now and then with certain people. While not common, it's puzzling behavior. These types of people will be rude, condescending, snarky, abrasive etc. on a regular basis, almost as if it is ingrained in their personality to communicate in this way, yet these same people will become the most sensitive people on the planet if anyone dares to stand up to them. In other words they are more then comfortable dishing it out but when it comes back their way, even in the smallest of dose, they can't handle it. At all.
Are they lacking in self awareness, not realizing how they come across?
Yeah, I find some to be incredibly abrasive, rude, argumentative or of a 'pack mentality' (bullies in numbers); yet consider themselves the bullied (while they type post after post of how they are bullied, not realizing the irony in their own behavior). Keep in mind you are in control of how you feel; no one can 'make' you feel any way without your permission (and all we perceive is open to interpretation).
I absolutely agree; they are lacking in their own self-awareness. Good post!
Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 04-24-2020 at 10:15 PM..
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My experience!
