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Jealous of her? If I am I'm not aware of it. Her husband doesn't even live with them. She often drives the five hours to spend the weekend with him at his new condo and I know without question his obesity drives her up a wall. She doesn't care for 'fat people.' And he is five feet nine inches tall and a size 3X which is very risky for heart attacks. He has sleep apnea but refuses to wear the mask and I'm sure that adds to her anxiety. Her house is so secluded that nobody could ever find it past dark. It has a dreadful approach to the driveway. And her son, 17, may have some form of light autism and is deaf in one ear and has bad hearing in the other. He is very withdrawn.
I would , however, love to look like her in clothes, wear high heels again and have pearly white teeth like hers. I think by a certain age, when you find out the problems the so called "beautiful people" secretly harbor, it's difficult to be jealous. I wish happiness for her and many years of laughter and love. And the same for her children. But I do admire her appearance.
I'm sorry but this sounds like a very odd way to describe your daughter and her family - it's very distant and a very shallow description based mostly on the physical. Nothing about personality traits or their interests or their behaviors and beliefs. I mean, you're not jealous of her because "Her house is so secluded that nobody could ever find it past dark. It has a dreadful approach to the driveway. "? Seriously? And you speak of your daughter as you would an acquaintance - "the secret problems that the so-called beautiful people harbor". You actually sound as if you know nothing about their day to day lives but only from looking at them from a mile away.
So I don't think you can properly interpret anything your daughter says because you don't know her, her personality, or her sense of humor well enough to describe it to us so we could even advise you.
They also watched the mom allow abuse towards them. Works both ways. Children like that don't grow up normally so allegiance to either parent is not unheard of...
There may be some parental manipulation thrown in with their allegiance as well...
Why do you think there is anything "evil" or "hurtful" in their mimicking of you? Perhaps you are just a tiny bit too touchy? You seem proud of your daughter, but then you assume she's making fun of you? Why is that?
She is making fun of her. It is called passive aggressive behavior.
OP--maybe you need to just come out and tell her she is hurting your feelings. Maybe you need to come out and just say you are sorry for the past.
Op- I think you are a kind soul, and deserving of an apology by your daughter. Her level
Of empathy needs improved.
I miss my parent terribly... And while she had some mannerisms or phrases.. To hear her or appreciate her ways.. Are so longed for. Yes in memory I will sometimes laugh at her follies.. But she and I learned how to laugh with... And not "at".
And disregard the go to phrase of : you must be jealous..
I think you have a human side .. That of tenderness.
Anyway...all grandkids LOVINGLY make fun of grandma. If they didn't love you and like you, they wouldn't get a laugh out of you. I think it's their way of getting amusement out of grandma.
We used to make fun of both of our grandmas. One would come to visit but feel guilty about being a burden, so she'd sit in the den when dinner was ready, and say "I don't need anything. Just give me a piece of cheese and I'll be fine." We had loads of fun making fun of her "cheese" remarks for years. Now, we LOVED our grandma. We thought she was cute. We also thought that what she said was funny because we had no intention of just letting her sit there and giving her a piece of cheese while we ate dinner!
While I can't be sure how her daughter meant her remarks, I have to say I disagree that ALL grandkids make fun of grandma, and lovingly so. I've never heard of making fun of grandma. That would be considered disrespectful; unthinkable in my own extended family and others I've known. Kids just don't do that, IME. And your example of the cheese/den issue sounds patronizing. Shocking, even! As kids, you thought grandma was "cute"?! That's very patronizing; most kids are incapable of thinking that way. My guess is that your parents planted that idea in your heads, and encouraged making fun of grandma for their own passive-aggressive reasons.
I can't relate to that at all. I also can't help wondering why grandpa didn't get the same treatment.
My daughter will be 47 in two days. She is gorgeous, popular as all get out, giving and caring, a perfectionist, her home looks like pages from a magazine, a nurse, working on another degree online, a personal trainer and a mother to two teenagers who have given her no trouble at all. She is devoted to those kids, drives them to basketball games so her daughter can watch her boyfriend of nine months play (!), takes them out to eat afterwards, is a wonderful cook and made certain both kids wore braces on their teeth and were removed from public school into an expensive Christian school. She appears to be perfect. But she isn't.
As an example that hurt my feelings: the other day we were chatting on the phone. She said her daughter, 13, likes to imitate me like my way of speaking and what I say to the point that my daughter laughs until her stomach hurts. She has done this several times. But this time I said , "well, I guess when I'm dead and buried you two won't have me to laugh at." And she replied, "oh, no ; we'll be laughing at you even after you're dead. That won't change anything."
Wow; that hit me in the heart.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Whether I should mention it to either one of these "saints" who are never criticized by anyone, keep my mouth shut, write it off as coming from an exhausted woman, entertain moving from here when the situation presents itself (we moved back here six years ago from where I was much happier and have been homesick ever since but now my husband's health is not too good) or just how to feel about this. I didn't say a thing when she told me . I guess when you're a size four and five foot eight with blonde hair you have too high an opinion of yourself.
I don't think your daughter means to hurt your feelings. I think she's just a sarcastic person. I think it's just her way of bonding with you. If it really affects you, I think you should talk to your daughter and in a gentle way tell her that what she's saying hurts your feelings, and ask her if she really means what she says. For all you know, when she says "oh no ; we'll be laughing at you even after you're dead. That won't change anything", she could be referring to the memories of good moments they had as a family. Laughter is pretty much always good.
Sometimes just because people are related doesn't mean that they will always get along.
My suggestion: find other people and interests besides your daughter
Find people who are positive and supportive of you, ignore and spend little time with people who don't treat you with love and kindness.
Focus upon everything postiive that you can find in your life. The natural consequence of antisocial behavior (acting up and hostile comments) is that those people are left alone. I'd leave her alone for a while and wait for her to call or visit and then I would keep it short for a while.
If she never changes, why be around someone who acts in this manner.
Enjoy your grandchildren and take your focus off of your daughter. Enjoy them and don't get into the mother-daughter relationship any more than that. Don't expect your daughter to be your friend if clearly she is not capable.
Treat yourselve with love and kindness! Avoid hurtful or callous peeps.
Find new and fun friends. Good luck !
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