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You know, it was a huge fear with my daughter for me. I am so glad for back up cameras now, but when she was little, we didn't have them. My daughter has some insecure attachment issues from adoption and sometimes would panic when I was leaving, even if moments before she was fine. She would bold after me. Even backing out to go to the store would leave me in a cold sweat if she was home, even if she was inside. It didn't help our driveway was all cracked up back then.
I never worried about it with my other kids, too practical and safety conscious and not prone to freaking out.
I think somethings would be really hard to recover from. Accidently killing your child would be one of those.
If you knew your daughter had that tendency to panic and bolt after you , surely you had the
person watching her hold her until you were gone.
The mother backed their truck down their driveway and accidentally ran over and killed their son.
I moved to town several years after it happened, and the mother herself told me the story soon after I moved in. It was almost as if she NEEDED to tell. I didn't know them well at all when she told me. I think maybe "confessing", if that was what it was, was part of her expiation.
She told me that if she hadn't had strong Christian faith she would have "gone crazy", but because she does she had to believe that what happened was part of God's plan.
She told me that after it happened the family gave away all of their belongings and moved to another town. But soon afterwards they couldn't bear being away from their son's grave, and moved back to town to a tiny little rental house.
They had a daughter, too, and were very protective parents for her. One time she said to me something along the lines of "you should have seen all the things we had before my brother died", and her father quickly said "that's enough".
As someone who isn't religious at all, I learned from knowing this family to acknowledge that religious faith plays an important role in maintaining mental stability for some people.
I've often wondered what I would have done if it had happened to me, and I was also the mother of a young daughter. Suicide would stop your own pain, but would cause more pain for your family.
So I guess this mother's choice - to keep on living while obviously continuing to suffer - is probably what most people have to do.
If you knew your daughter had that tendency to panic and bolt after you , surely you had the
person watching her hold her until you were gone.
Probably did -- but it takes a second, and things happen.
I know people like to think it couldn't possibly happen to them, but the reality of it is, yes, it can, and yes, it does.
Friend of mine nearly lost her 2 year old. Had a firm grip on her on the pier, as did Dad. Floaties firmly attached to her arms. Son splashing in water called over to them and in a second they both dropped her hands and into the water she went. Dad went in right after and it took a second to find her... and she was coughing up water, half drowned.
Floaties slipped right off... all the precautions in the world. It's life. It happens.
Luckily they were fortunate. Others...not so much. Kid riding his bicycle in the street, told time after time to not ride into the main street. Gets cocky, rides full steam into he main street, from the very front of a large truck.... right in to oncoming traffic. Dead. No way the cars could stop. Lots of witnesses.
Ah, I had my 20 year old niece shoot and kill her two year old daughter in my back yard in 1989, horrible, I remember every second, but stuff happens you just can't change and life goes on. She went on to have a boy and later another girl, but has always been "damaged".
Very sad thread. I don't know how anyone recovers from this. You'd carry the guilt forever.
An acquaintance of mine just recently had their 2 year old accidentally drown in the bath tub. They will always blame themselves and possibly rightfully so, since at the end of the day, it really was 100% their fault. Suicide or alcohol and drugs seem to be the only option at that point. How could you move on and live a normal life? They are are super religious so maybe that helps them..... but still. I just couldn't go on at that point. Very sad.
I almost witnessed something like this at church! We had gathered outside for the stations of the cross. They told one guy to use his truck to block traffic. Huge lifted up truck. He starts it up and all of a sudden a little kid runs out from behind it. Scary. The truck was at least 30 feet from the group, so who knows how that kid got over there.
I am confused: the parents who kill their children by negligence (running over with a car) - are they not taken into custody? Tried for murder? I understand you are talking about mental turmoil. But all these examples basically imply that people continue living their lives, without criminal convictions? If someone else ran over their kids, would not the same parents press for charges?
I am confused: the parents who kill their children by negligence (running over with a car) - are they not taken into custody? Tried for murder? I understand you are talking about mental turmoil. But all these examples basically imply that people continue living their lives, without criminal convictions? If someone else ran over their kids, would not the same parents press for charges?
No charges for accidental deaths, if the parent wasn't impaired by drugs or alcohol. And it's not even negligence. It's an accident. You have two or three kids and the kids are in the house when Daddy comes home. A mother has only two hands and one set of eyes. One of the little ones does a runner right under the wheels of the car, and is killed.
It's an accident. Dad couldn't have stopped, it was dark and he didn't even see the child. Mom was looking for him in the house, because she didn't know he just figured out how to open the front door.
It's an accident. No one is negligent. No charges.
You have to find a way to move through the pain. My sister had a very hard time visiting our father's grave because the grave next door was the two year old son of a guy she went to high school with, who accidentally ran him over. The little guy loved story time, and he and his wife started a foundation to get books to schools, daycares and kindergartens for story time.
I just saw something with one of the families on the Newtown shooting and that's how a lot of the parents react. Keep the child's memory alive with some foundation in that child's name. But obviously the parents in those cases are 100% victim - - I'm not sure when you accidentally are the one who caused the death of the child if parents would go that route.
I think there are only two things I'd commit suicide over: some awful disease that is very painful or terrifying and killing my own child. The Todd Heap case chilled me to the core.
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