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I note that not all online interactions are nasty but...
I notice on C-D, comments after lots of news articles, or online commerce (like EBay for instance) some people really get nasty and say vile things they would most likely never utter in face to face interaction.
I know that the internet cloaks everyone in some degree of anonymity, but some of this commenting really belies deep seated anger, hatred and other major problems. Are these trolls and malcontents serious? Or are they just playing a role to get attention?
What do you think? What is it about the internet that brings out the worst in people?
Just like in public rest rooms, the "nasty" person is SAFE to let their repressed, bottled up pain, trauma and hidden (self) hatred pour out unblocked and free to be anonymously expressed. There is NO consequence or fear on the internet or in public toilets. Road Rage is similar but still contains a slight risk of being caught for shooting another motorist.
The game is about getting attention while VENTING the painful, angry energy/feelings that the offender has been keeping safely and secretly bottled up inside. It's really an act of Self-contempt but the offender cannot acknowledge that.
Why do people assume people wouldn't say the same things to people face to face? I'm a straightforward person. I'm the same online as I am in person. My intent is never to be nasty, but I have no problem telling someone to "grow up" if I believe they are being juvenile. Yes, telling someone to "get over it" is a valid answer as sometimes in life, we have to just let things go.
People being nasty over the internet isn't a new thing at all. It's because there's a barrier there. Back in the late 70s, our bank had an after hours walk-up window. None of us could figure out how people who were so nice when they came into the bank could get so nasty when there was a pane of glass in front of them. My manager at that time said she had seen a study where any time you put a barrier, even a clear one, between two people, they became more hostile towards each others.
That would certainly explain a lot of road rage. I keep that in mind and if I do something stupid on the road that gets someone to honk and curse at me ( and even if I didn't do something stupid and someone honks at me), I actually make direct contact with the other driver. I look them in the eye if I can, wave at them, say sorry or thank you. When you do that, you're reminding the other person that you are really another human being in a vehicle, not just some nameless unknown in a metal machine
When you're in customer service, the first thing you learn is not to feed a customer's anger. In other words, instead of raising your voice to match the customer, you lower your voice and the customer will (usually) follow suit. It sort of works in road rage situations as well. And I find it works rather well here too. Except that for online conversations, you have to use words, not tone of voice, to lower the aggression level.
Besides, some people are really emotional. When they are emotional, they act out and couldn't care less what they say or do. Even online.
I don't think being emotional has anything to do with it. I am a very emotional person yet I do not come for people - fight with them- call names - I do however voice my opinion and show another side to the argument but I do not get nasty with people. Actually people have gotten nasty with me - acted like bullies for the first time in years since I have been online.
I have been online since Prodigy days - message boards. I never had a an issue until I started on Nextdoor app. What an eye opener that was. Times have changed and I have to say this - there are many people out there that YES do hide behind their computers and throw out trashy stuff and act like bullies. I have also discovered that the Over 50 + folks are disrespected to a great degree which is troubling...
Emotions is a cop out - there are just rude people with no manners.
People being nasty over the internet isn't a new thing at all. It's because there's a barrier there. Back in the late 70s, our bank had an after hours walk-up window. None of us could figure out how people who were so nice when they came into the bank could get so nasty when there was a pane of glass in front of them. My manager at that time said she had seen a study where any time you put a barrier, even a clear one, between two people, they became more hostile towards each others.
I am guessing that the "barrier" provides a sense of anonymous safety for the potentially aggressive person so they let their inner hostilities come out more readily. But the barrier represents rejection, humiliation and contempt which sets of the aggressor's ANGER. I feel much more belittled, humiliated and insignificant when I have to talk with someone behind a safety glass or "barrier". It triggers old, unresolved issues about my self worth and value that I need to work on all the time. Face to face, I feel a sense of respect, validation and acceptance by the other person but put a barrier between us and I can easily feel disrespected, rejected, abandoned and humiliated BUT that doesn't always trigger my anger or nastiness.
IMHO, it is good that this forum is anonymous, because one can find some thoroughly honest, uncensored opinions and "folk wisdom" , or one can likewise share observations that one might not be comfortable sharing directly. If someone gets nasty, I just pull out of the conversation, no big deal. So, overall I find anonymity to be useful, and the occasional nastiness associated with it is to me of no concern, I just disregard it when it happens; why should one pay attention to a pathetic attempt at "insult" from some random idiot that one will never meet in any kind of reality?? :-)
See, here's the thing. Thinking that you are right and the other person is wrong, and your need to "put someone in place" is often the beginning of the end of civility.
Just as an FYI, I have made an awesome discovery. When I see someone posting absolute, utter, total idiocy, I can just ignore them and go one to the next total idiot. No need for me to "put in place". In truth, nothing you or I can post on line ever changes the mind of that other person. For example, you will continue to feel the need to "put in place" those you disagree with, and I will continue, generally, to ignore them.
Sure it's anonymity but it's also frustration with others who print, link or copy such ridiculously false things and either believe or want the reader to believe that they are real.
You seem to get worked up a lot about things on the internet. Maybe take a break now and then, possibly even practice some impulse control?
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Rejection
