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I almost lack the will it would take to off myself anyway, but I truly don't feel suicidal. I think it's a terribly selfish act for one thing, and it would certainly hurt people I care about.
Truth be told, I do still find some joy in life. Trying to make new friends...I still have a sense of humor...
But man, I'm tired. I know the best part of my life--hell, of myself--are behind me. All that remains ahead of me is pretty dull and repetitive, coupled with worsening health. I fail to really see much point in going on. I've had a really good life, but I don't look forward to deriving the bulk of my future happiness just thinking back on fond memories.
I actually look forward to it being over. My kids are grown...there's just not much to stick around for.
I'm not sucidial at all, but I often think that things would be easier if I were dead. Lol, that sounds worse than I mean it. I've got about 17 years or less to still work before I can retire. I ain't going out till I get a few years into retirement.
I saw a video, some guy standing on a bridge in China threatening to jump, everyone trying to talk him down.
An old man comes along with shopping bags, he put the bags down and pushed the guy off the bridge.
Just a passing thought..
I'm not sucidial at all, but I often think that things would be easier if I were dead. Lol, that sounds worse than I mean it. I've got about 17 years or less to still work before I can retire. I ain't going out till I get a few years into retirement.
I'll be working until I die, but I knew that many years ago.
I saw a video, some guy standing on a bridge in China threatening to jump, everyone trying to talk him down.
An old man comes along with shopping bags, he put the bags down and pushed the guy off the bridge.
Just a passing thought..
I almost lack the will it would take to off myself anyway, but I truly don't feel suicidal. I think it's a terribly selfish act for one thing, and it would certainly hurt people I care about.
For many it is not a selfish act at all - but a brave although mostly poor and wrong choice. The sweeping generalisation of it being a hurtful and selfish act is not supported by much except the (probably well intentioned) agenda of insulting the act in the hope it will make less people consider it as an option. But it is a very insulting description to many people who have found themselves killing themselves for what they (bravely but likely misled) thought were all the right reasons.
To answer the question in your OP however I do not fit into that category myself - anymore. But I certainly once did around the 20-24 age area. I never felt the urge or desire to kill myself - never considered it. But I did reach a point where I went to bed not just hoping - but actually positively willing myself - not to wake up in the morning.
I had read - mostly in fiction I admit - of people who would simply "give up" and lie down to sleep and simply die. So I positively wanted and willed it to happen.
Turned myself around somewhere between 23.5 and 24 years old and was pretty much entirely different as a person and emotionally by the time I hit 25. And I have not been in that "category" since.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Griffis
But man, I'm tired. I know the best part of my life--hell, of myself--are behind me.
Been in my body so long
Makes my shoulders sore.
I am Soldier of Fortune
caught up in a crazy mixed up world.
So I will make my get away,
just one day at a time.
Until I go up that mountain side
where the water runs crystal clear
where I look down on the city down below,
and I turn around,
a hand on my shoulder
and its you,
And I thank you for letting me be myself again.
---> Van Morrison "Night in San Fransico" album.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Griffis
All that remains ahead of me is pretty dull and repetitive, coupled with worsening health. I fail to really see much point in going on. I've had a really good life, but I don't look forward to deriving the bulk of my future happiness just thinking back on fond memories. I actually look forward to it being over. My kids are grown...there's just not much to stick around for. Who's with me?
Well have you considered ending your life? I do not mean that in terms of dying or suicide. But entirely ending your current life. Liquidate everything and go off and help build schools in Africa or something. Or something more relevant - but similarly useful - to whatever skill set you developed in your life.
Perhaps being in a country with less medical support and more diseases means you will curtail your life expectancy significantly - but you do not sound like you care much about that. But perhaps your remaining years - however many there may be - will be full of meaning and self discovery and making a positive difference to whatever corner or the world you find yourself active in.
There are ways to end your life - without literally ending your life. Consider it tailoring your own after life.
For many it is not a selfish act at all - but a brave although mostly poor and wrong choice. The sweeping generalisation of it being a hurtful and selfish act is not supported by much except the (probably well intentioned) agenda of insulting the act in the hope it will make less people consider it as an option. But it is a very insulting description to many people who have found themselves killing themselves for what they (bravely but likely misled) thought were all the right reasons.
To answer the question in your OP however I do not fit into that category myself - anymore. But I certainly once did around the 20-24 age area. I never felt the urge or desire to kill myself - never considered it. But I did reach a point where I went to bed not just hoping - but actually positively willing myself - not to wake up in the morning.
I had read - mostly in fiction I admit - of people who would simply "give up" and lie down to sleep and simply die. So I positively wanted and willed it to happen.
Turned myself around somewhere between 23.5 and 24 years old and was pretty much entirely different as a person and emotionally by the time I hit 25. And I have not been in that "category" since.
Been in my body so long
Makes my shoulders sore.
I am Soldier of Fortune
caught up in a crazy mixed up world.
So I will make my get away,
just one day at a time.
Until I go up that mountain side
where the water runs crystal clear
where I look down on the city down below,
and I turn around,
a hand on my shoulder
and its you,
And I thank you for letting me be myself again.
---> Van Morrison "Night in San Fransico" album.
Well have you considered ending your life? I do not mean that in terms of dying or suicide. But entirely ending your current life. Liquidate everything and go off and help build schools in Africa or something. Or something more relevant - but similarly useful - to whatever skill set you developed in your life.
Perhaps being in a country with less medical support and more diseases means you will curtail your life expectancy significantly - but you do not sound like you care much about that. But perhaps your remaining years - however many there may be - will be full of meaning and self discovery and making a positive difference to whatever corner or the world you find yourself active in.
There are ways to end your life - without literally ending your life. Consider it tailoring your own after life.
Thanks for the thoughtful post. I appreciate the Van Morrison too.
I like what you have to say. My whole life I've started anew every 2-3 years or so moving to a new town or whole new state.
I have thought about twisting off again, but I would miss my kids. They may go out of state to college next year, however.
Unfortunately I'm in no physical condition to do hard labor, but I don't have anything to liquidate. I own very little. If chose to, I could be packed and loaded and on the road this afternoon. And that is a cheerful thought, but I'll likely stick around for awhile at least.
Honestly considering leaving for Mexico or possibly Central or South America.
I am just going day by day. I'm not a fiend but frankly alcohol and marijuana help a good bit. Gotta go to work now. Be back later.
As someone who has battled with suicidal thoughts on and off many years, I can emphathize. However, I have found that the feelings don't last for very long. I chose to get help for this and along with medication, my life has gotten better. Not to sound cliched but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe try to find some purpose for your life, and see if that doesn't help. Best wishes!
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 19 days ago)
35,670 posts, read 18,040,478 times
Reputation: 50724
You need an adventure, Griffis. Blow out the cobwebs.
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