Why aren't people as close to neighbors as in the past? (complex, parent)

[JBAinTexas]

I would hear about neighbors helping each other out, even becoming friends, in the 1950s to even the 1980s. I was an 80s child, and I remember Dad making friends with neighbors. I played with the neighbor kids.

Nowadays, I don't see people becoming friends with neighbors or relying on each other like they did in the "old days."

Why is that?

[Fifty Seven]

People move around a lot more and neighborhoods aren't as segregated as they used to be. No roots and often conflicting cultures mixing together.

[Dopo]

I can tell you exactly why
because I grew up in Venezuela (3rd World Country) and have lived in the US for a long time

The better people are doing on their own, the more selfish they become and also the less they need other people in their life.
In my neighborhood we have a community pool with a park, still, you see a lot of people with a pool and playground in their backyard.

Go to Venezuela, completely different
people are struggling REALLY BAD .... but you know what stands out .... the way everybody helps each other in ways that you would never see in the US.
In my mom's neighborhood, which is a little far from the city, people have to walk about 1/2 mile up hill to the bus stop.
It's very common for a neighbor to be driving by, stop, and offer that person a ride into the city, which is 15 minutes away driving.

Now .... I have to clarify
I have been amazed in Houston, when the city flooded last year, the way many people went out of their way to help other people.
I was very amazed

[IndyDancer]

In addition to Uncle Bully's post, people are busy and often not at home to hang out and socialize. Work, longer commutes, school activities, running errands, etc.

[SusanG_O]

This is a great question! Possibly people don't want to take the risk that a neighbor will become a pest? I'm not really sure but, growing up, I only rarely saw my parents talking with a neighbor. There were literally years in-between my seeing this. For the most part, the neighbors kept to themselves and this was in the 1950's. Could it be a myth that neighbors were chatty with one another? Or could it be the invention of the television became, unrecognized, a safe substitute for friendly chats? Like Facebook is becoming a substitute for real friendships. No entanglements.

[jaminhealth]

I like to be close to some neighbors. My neighbor upstairs walks like a trooper on her hardwood floors and her floors are my ceiling. I've had "talks" with her about her noise. Plus her 2 dogs run and bounce balls on the floor -- my ceiling. We've had words.

Everyone is in a hurry it seems today...too plugged into their electronics too. On call 24/7 to jobs. It's true about the good old days, but there were pests back then too.

[Sonic_Spork]

I've observed something, having lived in different spectrums of urban to rural, and housing styles.

The further apart the homes, the closer the neighbors.

When we lived kind of in the country, and had some space between us and our neighbors, people would wave as you passed and start up a bit of conversation with you, when we moved in, it seemed every neighbor within a five minute drive or so brought cookies or some little thing.

Contrast that with an apartment complex or a very urban environment with higher density of people, and unless someone (like me) is an extrovert and super friendly and makes the first move deliberately, everyone ignores everyone else and never makes friends. Even as outgoing as I am, I've run into a few neighbors and had a bit of a chat, but I am not really friends with any of them. I feel much more isolated in an apartment that is part of a big complex, than I do in a suburban house.

You know why I think this is? I think that when you live close, there is less real actual privacy, so people pretend to ignore and not know each other to give one another at least an illusion of privacy. But when you've got real space between neighbors, you have real privacy, so people reach out to make connections at least at a superficial level. Like there is a perfect privacy equilibrium, where we have some idea of who's around us, but we don't want to be up in their personal lives.

I think the only time I've met nosy neighbors, is when they have lived in the same spot for practically their whole lives, and not much other socialization in their lives. So then they sometimes want to know everything that's going on around them.

[Murk]

I think the idea of absolute independence and 'stranger danger' has been rammed down our throats for too long.

I've come across people who find it creepy for someone they pass on a residential sidewalk in suburbia to say 'Hi' or "Nice evening." To me, that's good manners.

I've known people who call others codependent if they get along with their parents and enjoy visiting them after the age of 18.

Everyone is supposed to have 2,000 friends on social media etc., but when it comes to the person next door, glancing at them and waving when you both happen to be out is supposedly an intrusion and weird.

[UNC4Me]

I live in a townhouse community. Many of us are very close friends and socialize often. We also rely on each other for things like watering plants when someone is out of town or picking up the paper/packages. We even have a group that currently is cooking dinners for a neighbor going through chemo. I don't find it weird at all to be friendly with my neighbors.


There are, of course, some people who want to be left alone and they are simply not included as per their wishes.

[veuvegirl]

Depends on your neighborhood. When we lived in NJ we lived on a street where everyone was fantastic friends, helped each other out we were truly family.

Now in Texas, no one knows each other or talks to each other. I attribute it to having ally garages and no one uses the front door and sees each other.