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Wow! This thread has taken quite the bizarre turn. Whether you like having a piece of lint taken off of you by someone who is not a stranger doesn't seem to be the issue. It seems like some people are reading into it as more than it is: showing dominance, aggressiveness, a one-upmanship, etc. I'm really glad I'm at a point in my life where I don't try to read ulterior motives into everything someone else does.
Having OCD does not mean being a perfectionist or a neat freak. My daughter has a mild case of OCD and is quite haphazard about her own appearance and her apartment can be a disaster, but you will never ever find a pile of change in the house that she hasn't stacked, or a loose twist tie that hasn't been neatly staightened and stored away in it's own special container.
OCD doesn't have to be all emcompassing, it can be about very specific behaviors, compulsively fixing or removing things that aren't where they 'belong', be it loose change or lint on a jacket.
I actually am a perfectionist, though not a neat freak & not really OCD (no more than the average person who occasionally wonders if they left the stove on or garage door open), but I agree it's about specific behaviors. Anything even remotely work related, I'm a perfectionist about. My tag sticking out, don't care in the least.
This woman is younger than I am. We recently moved into a new house and had a potluck where she attended. Another friend was raving about my house which made me a bit uncomfortable because most people in my church are from an older part of town and live in more modest homes. The "lint picker" woman was quiet and later on I wondered if she took a subconscious dislike to me because of that.
I don't think think she disliked you. I think she was intimidated and trying to put you down or make herself more powerful. I had a friend in the past who worked at popular clothing store in FL. We were visiting in town and stopped by the store for a few minutes just to say hi. I had on a new casual outfit which was fashionable. She almost immediately reached over to me and without asking, began turning up the short sleeve of the my top. She said something like, "That's a nice outfit but you need to turn up the sleeve." I felt she was either being controlling or somehow trying to put me down or make herself more knowledgeable (or powerful?). I've never had anyone else do anything like this to me before or since. She always had a strong personality. So I reached up and turned the sleeve back down and told her I liked it down. It didn't feel like a friendly thing. The woman who picked an invisible piece of lint off you was not being friendly either.
People who continually do this type of thing ,especially to virtual strangers, have some type of personality issue.
Last edited by staywarm2; 08-20-2017 at 07:27 PM..
I find this so interesting that you see it as "correcting".
I'm curious if the people who see it this way consider themselves negative or easily offended in general? I'm a pretty open, positive, friendly person, and I perceive it quite differently in fact I'm kind of flabbergasted that some see this IMO quite trivial and benign action so negatively and as "correction?" Is it a self-esteem issue? I am not being facetious I promise, it just seems like a lot of deeper "issues" are being triggered by a friendly gesture and I would like to understand why.
I would also like someone to give me a rational reason why you believe only women do this (my nephew will straighten out pictures on the agents desk while at the bank lol) and why you would imagine women only do this to other women. Where are you getting that from, that you ignore the posters (me among them) who posted that we do this to everyone regardless of race, creed, color or gender?
I'm surprised you don't see the psychological aspect of the situation. And the "picture straightener" nephew is rude and pushy.
OP: There are things in life that are important and this incident would fall on my personal list of completely unimportant.
There is nothing passive nor aggressive about this incident, someone saw lint and removed it, so what.
Perhaps a deeper look into your life would reveal those things in life that are actually important.
PS ~~ Do a search on youtube for the Craig Morgan Video: This Ain't Nothin.
You seemed to have missed the point that the "piece of lint" was virtually invisible and that the OP barely knew this person.
I wouldn't think anything of it. I have done the same on occasion.
I have had other women play with my hair, touch me on the arm a lot when talking and those who have tried removing stains from my clothes when they have spotted it. It's a nurturing thing. I don't get offended at all, the w7oekd needs more love and consideration and it is a way of reaching out to another person.
You seemed to have missed the point that the "piece of lint" was virtually invisible and that the OP barely knew this person.
We don't know how the "picker" veiwed their relationship. She had been invited to the OP's home for a get together and they are on the same church volunteer group. To many people this would feel like they had enough of a connection to justify the gesture. We also don't know how the lint looked on the shirt, maybe it appeared larger of stood out more than when the OP saw it.
I question assuming that the gesture was meant as negative and dominating when the OP stated that she already felt the "picker" didn't like her or was envious because she was quiet during a discussion at the get together when someone was praising her house. The OP also stated that she was very particluar about her grooming, that could lead someone to see the behaviour as insulting when no such intention was meant.
A peice of lint on clothing is not a personal failing, especially in a group setting. It could have come from anywhere during the course of the church activities. I believe this behavior is much more likely to be come from a place of trying to be helpful than as some sort of weird insult.
I don't think think she disliked you. I think she was intimidated and trying to put you down or make herself more powerful. I had a friend in the past who worked at popular clothing store in FL. We were visiting in town and stopped by the store for a few minutes just to say hi. I had on a new casual outfit which was fashionable. She almost immediately reached over to me and without asking, began turning up the short sleeve of the my top. She said something like, "That's a nice outfit but you need to turn up the sleeve." I felt she was either being controlling or somehow trying to put me down or make herself more knowledgeable (or powerful?). I've never had anyone else do anything like this to me before or since. She always had a strong personality. So I reached up and turned the sleeve back down and told her I liked it down. It didn't feel like a friendly thing. The woman who picked an invisible piece of lint off you was not being friendly either.
People who continually do this type of thing ,especially to virtual strangers, have some type of personality issue.
That was way out of line. Then to throw in that "you need to turn up the sleeve" was an insult. No one asked that person for her opinion. Notice how she gave you a compliment and then added an insulting "but" to her statement.
That was way out of line. Then to throw in that "you need to turn up the sleeve" was an insult. No one asked that person for her opinion. Notice how she gave you a compliment and then added an insulting "but" to her statement.
I was very surprised when she said that and was proud that I had a polite comeback that stopped her in her tracks. Often, I am sort of shocked when someone says/does something sort of inappropriate, and I am speechless.
Since then, she has said and done other sort of nasty things. I've not communicated with her the last couple of years. Not my kind of friend...
Personally, I would never touch a stranger, however if a woman had an appearance "flaw" that could be embarrassing, i.e., she forgot to take the price tag off her blouse, or she had food stuck to her face, I'd discreetly let her know. I've had women do that for me on occasion and I've never felt offended by it.
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