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This woman is younger than I am. We recently moved into a new house and had a potluck where she attended. Another friend was raving about my house which made me a bit uncomfortable because most people in my church are from an older part of town and live in more modest homes. The "lint picker" woman was quiet and later on I wondered if she took a subconscious dislike to me because of that.
This just sounds all wrong. Your assumptions are odd. It seems like you want to really diminish the woman and punish her for the sin of lint removal.
I thought of what I now believe is the most common "reason" I do this, and most likely others. What I think it is, is that in general I have a "care-taker" personality, since I was little and continuing into my job as a nursing home OT. I would bet that most of the folks who tend to do this share that trait.
(before anyone says "but it's still rude" please note I am not arguing that, nor using it as an excuse, rather to answer OP's original question of what possible motives/traits people who do this share.
This is a bit off topic but, once I was sitting behind a young woman at a business conference when I noticed a little gray bug crawling in and out of her hair. It would pop out from her scalp, rest on a strand and crawl back in. I truly didn't know whether to say something to her about it and I was so focused on the ugly little thing that I couldn't even concentrate on what the speaker was saying.
Had to laugh at this. Robert Burns, the famous Scottish poet, had a similar situation when he was behind a young lady in church. It affected him so much he wrote a poem about it.
Well, I'm one of those who "straighten up" others.... I do in unconsciously... Always have. I don't mean any harm, it's just I know if I was in the other persons place I'd want someone to do that for me.... I was running errands one day - been 5-6-7 places and ran into a neighbor who said "Lou - do you realize you have your shirt on inside out?" I was mortified.... I had been so many places that someone could have said something that didn't. I am a tag tucker and a lint picker and always apologize for intruding but my hands go there without my brain registering. I've never had anyone get defensive, angry or be anything but appreciative.
So in conclusion, there are those who like to "fix" others in their appearance and think that those who dislike it and consider it controlling or demeaning are in the wrong or have some social disorder. The "fixers" are only being helpful and see nothing wrong in the motivation of their behavior. It is interesting to me how the "fixers" who have posted here have really slammed me personally instead of considering that their own behavior might be re-evaluated.
The fact is opinions differ and there will never be a consensus. And that's ok, I still find this topic fascinating. And for you "fixers" maybe next time you pick a miniscule piece of lint off of a stranger you will think twice :-)
Again, not the topic. The topic is whether there's a deep, dark reason behind people doing this, not whether it's rude or not. I myself already ceded that point many posts ago and agreed some might think I'm rude, but I will go down arguing that there is no psychological one-ups-manship behind it, period.
ALL behavior has psychological reasons behind it and underlying it.
So in conclusion, there are those who like to "fix" others in their appearance and think that those who dislike it and consider it controlling or demeaning are in the wrong or have some social disorder. The "fixers" are only being helpful and see nothing wrong in the motivation of their behavior. It is interesting to me how the "fixers" who have posted here have really slammed me personally instead of considering that their own behavior might be re-evaluated.
The fact is opinions differ and there will never be a consensus. And that's ok, I still find this topic fascinating. And for you "fixers" maybe next time you pick a miniscule piece of lint off of a stranger you will think twice :-)
What I find interesting is that your sister's experience seemed to imply that tall, somewhat imposing women seem to attract more of that type of behavior. If that's true, IMO it would support your theory. Also the fact that the woman you described picked off an almost microscopic piece of lint (one wonders if there was anything there at all), is interesting. Seems she was trying awfully hard to find lint on you. Almost bending over backwards, so to say.
oc, that makes sense. You are used to caring for, and 'mothering' maybe?
Very much, and I work in nursing homes, where adults basically become kids again in terms dependence and am always brushing crumbs off of people and even wiping their noses...I'm sure I picked my job due to my nature, but yes it probably does extend into mothering a bit even out in the world.
ALL behavior has psychological reasons behind it and underlying it.
I never said it didn't, in the post you quoted I said there was no psychological one upsmanship involved. Also I don't believe there is any conscious thought process behind it at all.
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Your assumptions are odd. It seems like you want to really diminish the woman and punish her for the sin of lint removal.
me
