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Well...it's weird, but a guy (and a gal) CAN, actually, have a complete personality shift. It happens more often to women, (because of our plumbing) but it can happen to guys too.
UTI infections can have the effect of changing personalities. No lie.
I know that for many women dealing with abusive bfs/husbands is sadly a thing. But I am curious, do you think these kind of guys can be redeemed and totally change? By that I mean, have you ever known a man that treated women in the worst way possible; beating them, talking down to them, viewing them and treating them like sub-human trash, to do a complete 180 and become really loving, caring, respectful of women etc.?
Seems to me it never happens and these guys deserve to be executed on the spot.
Very few can, few enough that those proclaiming that they can and will do not enjoy any presumption of truth. Also, those proclaiming such intent should not expect extra slack for it. If their intent were truly serious, they would handle themselves so as not to need slack, at least until their deeds earned some. I think the best test of that is: "I don't believe one word you say, and I am making plans to leave." If the response is "I'm sorry to hear that, but I don't blame you on either count. I will make the change no matter who I am or am not with, though." then there is at least a chance he has hit rock bottom, rather than just making the right noises to get out of a consequence.
As I see it, no full turnabout happens without a complete internal epiphany of having behaved with unmitigated wrongness. So anyone who negotiates, or looks for brownie points, or makes excuses, or otherwise takes any attitude less humble than mea culpa is probably not serious enough to hold to such a commitment. The cold, horrible reality is that in emotional and relationship terms, many men never get out of junior high school. I hear how they talk when no women are listening, and I think if more women realized just how bad it is, far fewer would either marry or become entangled through children.
I noticed something about my husband, who had an older sister. He drinks moderately most of the time, but when his sister visited or we visited his sister, he tended to drink to excess and get confrontational with her. Some sort of screwy baggage, for sure.
His sister died suddenly, and the whole time we were there for the funeral, he did not drink at all. Fine and dandy, but what the heck? I wish he would have reigned in the behavior while she was with us.
Always remember: First time, shame on you . . . . Second time, shame on me!
The real shame lies in shaming victims--- your simplistic platitude doesn't convert or apply to real life dv, even if it makes some people feel a bit superior
My one brother carried an aggressiveness thru his 20's.
The law and about 6 month of behavior modification changed that. He and his still married to wife of 40 years rarely discuss that era...Guess if they can forgive and enhance then what's it to me . He is though still abrupt in how he speaks..So he continues to work on the compassion side.
His role model left a sad legacy..So I'm sure it's difficult to admit our womenizing dad wasn't the best person to teach respect.
If the abuse came out when on drugs/drinking... and they got clean I'd think there'd be a chance. I've known men that have done it although not personally.
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