Scapegoating: Have You Been a Scapegoat or Scapegoated Someone Else? (sociopaths, narcissists)

[nobodysbusiness]

This is a very good treatise of the phenomenon known as scapegoating, where one member of the family is singled out, bullied and shunned:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/bla...milies-0130174

I would love to hear first hand accounts of this systemic abuse.

[L8Gr8Apost8]

Thanks for the article. I hang out on a recovery board for excult members and this will be helpful for us as shunning is a big thing in that religion. My brother is the one my mother chose for scapegoat of our family. Within the last couple of years she needed another sacrifice and I was it.

[Spuggy]

Yes, I was the emotional dumping ground for every woe that occurred in their lives and the world. I didn't realize it for many years, but once I realized things changed. I refused to placate, explain, appease or please, I just stopped being the scapegoat and they let me go. It was very painful to realize the people I loved most in the world just didn't care but my life has been so much better, more peaceful and loving.

[baileyvpotter]

Excellent article.

I never could understand how family members could be so cruel. It took me years
to understand that they were insecure and needed someone to release their rage and abuse onto
someone else.
Scapegoats are targeted for their strengths. e.g., strong willed, empathic, justice-seeking,
internalizing blame, highly sensitive, protective of others, questioning authority, care-taking
and different in some way.
The Strength of the Scapegoat in the Narcissist Family | HuffPost

These strengths and characteristics were evident when scapegoats were children but in
the end they gave us the ability to escape.

[GeoffD]

I spent a big slice as the lead technical guy in metro Boston tech startups. The brick is superglued to the accelerator pedal and there isn't a heck of a lot of room for big mistakes because the company folds if it runs out of venture capital before it can develop successful products to create a revenue stream. I learned a trick long ago when some disaster happened and a bunch of engineers and executives were gathered in a conference room to deal with it. I'd open the meeting by saying that "I screwed up. I should have seen this coming. This is all on me. Let's move forward. I think the correct path from here is xxxxx. Does anybody have better alternatives?" It immediately stops everybody about worrying about getting thrown under the bus. The whole "blaming the innocent and promoting the guilty" thing that is so prevalent in corporate culture is really toxic.

I have the same kind of approach in life. I try not to scapegoat anybody. I'd rather do a "you are here. Where do you want to be 5 years from now" approach.

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by baileyvpotter

Excellent article.

I never could understand how family members could be so cruel. It took me years
to understand that they were insecure and needed someone to release their rage and abuse onto
someone else.
Scapegoats are targeted for their strengths. e.g., strong willed, empathic, justice-seeking,
internalizing blame, highly sensitive, protective of others, questioning authority, care-taking
and different in some way.
The Strength of the Scapegoat in the Narcissist Family | HuffPost

These strengths and characteristics were evident when scapegoats were children but in
the end they gave us the ability to escape.

Unfortunately those traits also make them susceptible to being scapegoated elsewhere such as in business, and personal relationships. People seem to be envious of their strong and decent qualities and want to take them down. Sometimes they see qualities such as empathy as weakness and take advantage of that. It doesn't necessarily end with the family of origin. The world is full of narcissists and covert sociopaths just waiting to come across a nice scapegoat to victimize.

[sas318]

Originally Posted by baileyvpotter

I never could understand how family members could be so cruel. It took me years
to understand that they were insecure and needed someone to release their rage and abuse onto
someone else.

Understanding why still doesn't make the cruelty hurt less.

[bookspage]

Scapegoating happens constantly. Every time two people bond over talking poorly about (or doing something to) another person, whether a bunch of bratty little girls or grown men, that's scapegoating. It's a way that we keep peace. Not a good way, but a way

This is an interesting slideshow on Rene Girard's interpretation of scapegoating and mimetic desire


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNvgIb-mPf4

[PriscillaVanilla]

I witnessed a woman I worked with, being scapegoated constantly. I felt really bad for her. Then after years of seeing this go on, I wondered why they didn't just fire her, if she was supposedly so bad at her job? And then I realized why. If they fired her, they would lose the person they blamed for everything going wrong. And they'd have to find a new scapegoat, and it might be one of them.

[tamajane]

Scapegoating is not normal among functional people. If I agree with someone that someone else is a jerk it's because I think the person is a jerk not because of an agenda to make myself look or feel better. If someone looks to me to gang up on someone innocent it isn't happening. It is inhumane behavior that healthy people will not engage in.