People who won't answer questions (introvert, passive, weight, relationship)

[tnff]

Wasn't sure whether to put this here, relationships, or work.


Ever had to deal with someone who won't answer a question and then gets made when you repeat it or say they didn't answer it? A typical conversation goes something like this:


A: What is 2+2?
B: Blue.
A: Ok, but what is 2+2?
B: I already answered you.
A: No you didn't. "Blue" is not an answer to "what is 2+2?"
B: You just don't like the answer.
A: Because it's not an answer.
B: Well it's all the answer you're going to get.


Ok, obviously I've masked the actual questions, but you get the gist of it. This is someone I have to work with on a daily basis who does this not just to me but pretty much everyone else as well. Very frustrating to be unable to move forward when one member does this.


Personally I think it's because this person hasn't done their homework and come prepared for the discussion but you'd think after a couple of times they'd better prepare rather than acting like this.

[elyn02]

Originally Posted by tnff

Wasn't sure whether to put this here, relationships, or work.


Ever had to deal with someone who won't answer a question and then gets made when you repeat it or say they didn't answer it? A typical conversation goes something like this:


A: What is 2+2?
B: Blue.
A: Ok, but what is 2+2?
B: I already answered you.
A: No you didn't. "Blue" is not an answer to "what is 2+2?"
B: You just don't like the answer.
A: Because it's not an answer.
B: Well it's all the answer you're going to get.


Ok, obviously I've masked the actual questions, but you get the gist of it. This is someone I have to work with on a daily basis who does this not just to me but pretty much everyone else as well. Very frustrating to be unable to move forward when one member does this.


Personally I think it's because this person hasn't done their homework and come prepared for the discussion but you'd think after a couple of times they'd better prepare rather than acting like this.

If it happens at work, don't try to pull the weight of that person. Maybe let the boss figure this out on their own.

In relationships, those people get asked once and never again. Really, there are way too many nice people in the world to deal with that.

[emotiioo]

As a supervisor I will do this with employees when they should be doing their own legwork. Too often people do a "drive by" and ask me a question instead of finding the answer themselves. I am not human Google. They need to do their own research and come to me only after they have done it.

Some people just ask WAY too many questions. Maybe you can find out if this person is an introvert (as am I.) My partner has a habit of asking a million things in rapid succession and introverts need time to mull over.

[cb2008]

I think some people just have poor communication skills. They don't KNOW how to answer a straight question, they feel they need to give background information.

[Cliffie]

Originally Posted by tnff

Wasn't sure whether to put this here, relationships, or work.


Ever had to deal with someone who won't answer a question and then gets made when you repeat it or say they didn't answer it? A typical conversation goes something like this:


A: What is 2+2?
B: Blue.
A: Ok, but what is 2+2?
B: I already answered you.
A: No you didn't. "Blue" is not an answer to "what is 2+2?"
B: You just don't like the answer.
A: Because it's not an answer.
B: Well it's all the answer you're going to get.


Ok, obviously I've masked the actual questions, but you get the gist of it. This is someone I have to work with on a daily basis who does this not just to me but pretty much everyone else as well. Very frustrating to be unable to move forward when one member does this.


Personally I think it's because this person hasn't done their homework and come prepared for the discussion but you'd think after a couple of times they'd better prepare rather than acting like this.

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH do I hate people like this. I think the usual problem is that they just didn't listen to the question. The interaction you describe above, however, is on a whole different level -- it's just flat-out passive aggression. A person like that gets a charge out of waiting until you need something from them and then refusing to give it to you. My advice is get your answers elsewhere.

[tnff]

Wish I could get answers elsewhere, but for some things, there's no option. I don't know if anyone remembers the old Morrison's & Piccadilly Cafeterias after church on Sundays? There would always be a couple of little old ladies ahead of you in line who couldn't make up their mind about the salad. Or entrée. Or vegetables. Or dessert. Kind of like being stuck behind them, without the reward of pot roast and coconut cream pie at the end.


I do agree with you that it's kind of like they get a pleasure rush out it.

[matisse12]

I think it's a form of gaslighting, particularly when it happens within a personal relationship, rather than at work.

But it also can fall into gaslighting at work, in a strictly business relationship.

It also falls into the category of stonewalling.

Stonewalling is deliberately done to stymie, to withhold information, to not be pinned down, to confuse.

[JanND]

Unless it is critical to your job.....I would not engage these type people in such waste of energy. Can you simply ignore them?

[tnff]

Don't really have the choice to ignore. But like in the cafeteria example, they are right slap in the productive path. No way around. Not the kind of thing to make you start looking elsewhere, but enough to make the day harder than it has to be. I do agree with Matisse that they do it deliberately. Just don't understand why because in the end there is no gain for them other than the pleasure of being a roadblock rather than a productive member.

[Ttark]

Ever had to deal with someone who won't answer a question and then gets made when you repeat it or say they didn't answer it? A typical conversation goes something like this:


A: What is 2+2?
B: Blue.
A: Ok, but what is 2+2?
B: I already answered you.
A: No you didn't. "Blue" is not an answer to "what is 2+2?"
B: You just don't like the answer.
A: Because it's not an answer.
B: Well it's all the answer you're going to get.

Have I ever. I see you've met my boss or my dad (they're both just as bad as the other). God I hate people who stonewall like that. My boss probably sets the world record for amount of time wasted waffling around even the simplest of yes/no questions because everything has to be a speech or a sermon in his world. (I hate and despise people who do that, too.) I believe it's a control and dominance issue. Does the person seem to try to dominate every conversation and not let anybody else speak?

If it were legal I'd take people like that and just run them over at 120 MPH and rid the world of them. Just answer the F-wording question and be done with it, okay? Is that so hard? Are you deliberately trying to make yourself look petty and uncouth?

Typical day at work:

Me to boss: Okay, question. Do you want I should process the widgets for the Bob & Alice account or should I just let them lapse?

Boss: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cu m sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate eget, arcu. In enim justo, rhoncus ut, imperdiet a, venenatis vitae, justo. Nullam dictum felis eu pede mollis pretium. Integer tincidunt. Cras dapibus. Vivamus elementum semper nisi. Aenean vulputate eleifend tellus. Aenean leo ligula, porttitor eu, consequat vitae, eleifend ac, enim. Aliquam lorem ante, dapibus in, viverra quis, feugiat a, tellus. Phasellus viverra nulla ut metus varius laoreet.....

(beats on for another three minutes like this)

...Nam pretium turpis et arcu. Duis arcu tortor, suscipit eget, imperdiet nec, imperdiet iaculis, ipsum. Sed aliquam ultrices mauris. Integer ante arcu, accumsan a, consectetuer eget, posuere ut, mauris. Praesent adipiscing. Phasellus ullamcorper ipsum rutrum nunc. Nunc nonummy metus. Vestibulum volutpat pretium libero. Okay?

Me: ....Uh, yeah, so anyways, do you want me to process the Bob & Alice widgets or let them lapse?

Boss: (exasperated) Look, I just told you, lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit....

Me: yeah,

Boss: Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor, aenean massa,

Me: (getting impatient) yeah, okay....

Boss: c um sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.

Me: Uhh, dude....

Boss: Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis...

Me: Yeah, okay, whatever, I'll just take care of it.

That's when I go to ask assistant manager and get a straight answer then and there. Then later Boss finds out and I get chewed out for another ten minutes because I didn't come to him with it first (umm, so what was all that babbling you did about earlier then?).

People like this are just a drain on society.