Why do friends intitally agree to plans then bail out at the last minute??? (relationship, people)
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One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
What I finally started doing when that was happening for me, was to invite people to "join" me somewhere. In other words, I was going to go regardless of whether or not they showed up. If they showed up fine, if not fine.
That was only with people I still wanted some type of relationship with, even though they had bailed on me too much to be dependable. There weren't many who fit into this category. Normally, I wouldn't continue to bother with anyone who kept blowing me off.
I think as one grows older, your circle of "friends" becomes much smaller. The people you can depend on to show up. And you stop caring about having a huge supposed pool of friends, and realize most of them are just acquaintances at best.
I have a new rule - you bail on me once, that's it. From then on, the most you get is an invitation to something I'm going to do whether you show up or not. If you bail on that - you aren't even invited to those anymore.
For me, it's a matter of feeling my worth. if nobody else recognizes my worth, oh well. But, they can't continue to belittle me by not showing up anymore. If they try to get together with me at a later date, the answer is no, because they didn't respect my worth. They may never ask again - but at least I know my worth and that I would have turned them down.
It's just a matter of knowing your own worth in your own head. It changes your mindset from feeling desperate for people to be your friends, to feeling strong about the fact that they are not allowed to disrespect your worth anymore. Seems tiny, but makes a huge difference in how it affects you.
One of my friends always cancels last minute? why would they say yes and then bail out at the last minute??? why not say no if you either don't want to or can't make in the first place??? whats up with that???
Hard to say. This could either be:
Someone who is incapable of making decisions
Someone who really wants to say no but can't be honest about it
Someone who isn't able to say no to anything
Someone who doesn't plan ahead at all
or someone who doesn't take commitments seriously.
I had a friend like this. Weirdly, she was the one who always pursued getting together, sometimes aggressively. Wanted to very quickly pin things down, get a date and time and so on. Then would cancel hours before or else start calling after our meet time saying she would be a little late, then a little more late...
I stopped answering her. She would ask to get together, I would be vague and not commit and over time in this way I pretty much let it just sort of die.
The amount of times she upset my kids claiming they were going to play with her kids, then not coming through were what really closed it for me. Just...no thanks.
I never figured out why, but why just keep getting hurt? Someone keeps hurting you? Cut bait.
The OP seems to have very ongoing and disappointing relationships with 'friends' regarding meetups, dates, outings, whatever. Maybe a therapist would help to sort out why things are going so poorly?
I know that when a newer acquaintance disappoints me, I first 'lower the bar'.
It happens again, lower still.
After that I remove the bar and neither expect nor give a thing.
If we meet I smile and say hi.
Last edited by PamelaIamela; 02-04-2018 at 11:05 PM..
Everyone is different. Some people just have difficulty of saying no in the first place. Some just don't want to look bad by saying no. Some due to peer pressure. So, is really hard to say. You really have to ask the individual.
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