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What would you say is wrong with someone who absolutely cannot make up his or her mind about availing him- or herself of an opportunity -- hemming and hawing and weighing the pros and cons, completely confused -- until that option is taken off the table, and THEN and only THEN does that person realizes with absolute and painful certainty that he or she should have gone for it and suddenly wants it very badly? This is a lifelong pattern.
What would you say is wrong with someone who absolutely cannot make up his or her mind about availing him- or herself of an opportunity -- hemming and hawing and weighing the pros and cons, completely confused -- until that option is taken off the table, and THEN and only THEN does that person realizes with absolute and painful certainty that he or she should have gone for it and suddenly wants it very badly? This is a lifelong pattern.
What would you say is wrong with someone who absolutely cannot make up his or her mind about availing him- or herself of an opportunity -- hemming and hawing and weighing the pros and cons, completely confused -- until that option is taken off the table, and THEN and only THEN does that person realizes with absolute and painful certainty that he or she should have gone for it and suddenly wants it very badly? This is a lifelong pattern.
I'd say they suffer from terminal indecision and are unable to learn from previous experience.
Why, I don't know, except that fear of making any decision causes them more pain than no decision at all (which, I guess, is all the same). The fear that no matter what, the decision will be wrong – so they let the clock run out.
And, I might add, it adds up to fear of failure. If they take the opportunity – "What if I fail?"
This person overthinks everything. Is able to see both sides of every issue and play Devil's Advocate. For every "pro," there's a "con," resulting in analysis paralysis in matters both big and small. It seems only when the possibility of choosing one option is gone does the emotion kick in and it becomes clear what the person really wanted all along. What advice would you offer for learning the skill of making a decision, or is this "incurable"?
Even in childhood. Asked what was wanted for a meal in a restaurant, the TODDLER would choose something, then prefer what was on someone else's plate.
In my experience, once you get out of the toddler years, it becomes a case of poor self-worth.
Basically the person doesn't actually WANT to make a decision because they really don't trust themselves. There is a basic lack of belief in their own authority to make any decision, so they put it off.
These people often have very harsh inner critics, and the desire to please that inner critic puts them in this tortuous state. It's not fun for them, but it's a comfortable place. They recognize it. So they go there often, kind of like people who grew up in chaos tending to choose partners who bring chaos to their lives because it is at least familiar to them.
So they go through the motions of "pros and cons" because then it at least looks like they are doing something. But they aren't. Their just circling around that familiar drain of passivity.
As far as a CURE, well, they would have to get therapy to figure out whatever inner conflict and unresolved emotion is at the core.
Maybe it's an emotional "Schrodinger's Cat" kind of thing.
As long as the person does nothing, both options are equally viable and equally true.
Presumably the person WANTS to make a decision, but it's only after the fact that the obvious choice becomes clear, when it's too late. What counsel would you offer (beyond "counseling")?
Then there are those (in fact, I think it's the majority) who just quickly make an unreasoned decision -- right or wrong, good or bad -- and never look back. I don't understand that extreme, either, but it seems to be the norm and works for most people!
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