Missing something important (psychologist, problems, everything, mom)
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It is difficult to mingle. Aside from the fact I work A LOT, I have nothing in common with people my own age and find it hard to connect with younger people who share my thoughts, goals, ideals.
You are absolutely right about being positive. I struggle with it but am doing better to focus on the positive.
I've never had any problem sitting quietly by myself. I do it almost all the time. I am super comfortable with me, with who I am. That's never been an issue. I have hobbies. But life is lacking without that added dimension of someone to share life with. After many, many years it gets old. Friends are nice but they want to share THEIR lives, not mine. Why do I always have to be the one who gives and gets nothing in return?
Well, even though our relationship is less than ideal, I do love my husband. We've been together for 22 years now. Being the quintessential narcissist, sometimes he is hard to deal with but despite his flaws, he is a good person. No one is perfect. I am just so tired of being physically and emotionally alone 24/7. It's heart-wrenching sometimes. I look at other people who have nice lives and I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
City-Data is definitely getting "meaner," with its fair share of established bullies who never fail to chime in, it seems to me. But so is the rest of society, so that's not surprising!
That's exactly why I have so many people on "ignore". If they can't be civil in their responses to my posts they get blocked. Life's too short to deal with that garbage on the internet. There is enough of it in real life these days. I think some of these people either ARE that way in real life or this forum is a way for them to let loose with all the meanness they normally keep inside.
Well, even though our relationship is less than ideal, I do love my husband. We've been together for 22 years now. Being the quintessential narcissist, sometimes he is hard to deal with but despite his flaws, he is a good person. No one is perfect. I am just so tired of being physically and emotionally alone 24/7. It's heart-wrenching sometimes. I look at other people who have nice lives and I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
Let me tell you a little story Branson. Years ago when I worked for my church I used to envy the assistant pastor and his wife because they seemed so happy while my marriage was going through a rocky stage. Then one day when the wife and I were at a water park, she confided in me how unhappy she was because "Joe" was never home and they never did anything together because he was always doing something at the church. It made me realize that what we may see as a "nice life" really isn't.
Let me tell you a little story Branson. Years ago when I worked for my church I used to envy the assistant pastor and his wife because they seemed so happy while my marriage was going through a rocky stage. Then one day when the wife and I were at a water park, she confided in me how unhappy she was because "Joe" was never home and they never did anything together because he was always doing something at the church. It made me realize that what we may see as a "nice life" really isn't.
I guess you have a point there. I can't help but thinking that there has to be a better way. Surely everybody can't be miserable.
I regretted putting a number on how long I have been here, not thinking that, over time it would become inaccurate. Let's see I moved here in 1986, so that makes.... 32yrsinBranson now. But I don't want to change my screen name.
So true, closing time. It's too bad it takes some of us so long to figure this out.
Year ago when I was a young adult and got married, I think I ghosted on myself.
I figured out how to get out of abusive situations, and have been breathing a sigh of relief for years, but I still hadn't figured out what it was that would really make me happy-- it's not the other people, it's me.
I love the way you put that. Escaped from an abusive situation myself, and it took a long time for me to find me.
I've never had a problem doing any of those things. I spend a lot of time doing things I love to do - ALONE. It is no fun to never have anyone to share the love and laughter with. At the end of the day, when your sitting in your kitchen talking to your cats because no one else cares enough to listen, or spend your time talking to strangers on the computer because you are so desperately alone stinks. Crossfit, or yoga, or night classes, or volunteering at an animal shelter, or doing ALL the things I love, cannot make that better.
You are right. I have been in that place. Filled it with activities, but the hole was always there. It has changed now, but it took a long time and a huge leap into The Abyss Of Risk when the opportunity finally presented itself. The thread of hope may be frayed, but hang onto it.
I think what OP is missing is "intimacy" (as stated, not necessarily sexual). I think a lot of people are these days.
I think you're right. It's definitely not necessarily sexual, though that can be part of it, and its great when it is. I was with my exh for 16 years and never experienced intimacy with him. The very word used to perplex me--I wondered exactly what it was supposed to mean.
Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Without physical intimacy there's very little chance of emotional intimacy. Needless to say, both partners have to be willing to give and receive it. I've been married 45 years and this is one area I won't let die. I think it's more important to our marriage and our love than anything else. Without it you are just roommates.
Last edited by bobspez; 05-04-2018 at 11:53 AM..
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