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I was searching for a psychology forum that could help me find answers. I have tried for a long time to figure this out and a solution . I am not sure how many mental health professionals are on here , or some one who is familiar with copy-cat syndrome, but I can sure use your guidance .
I am an adult woman who has a life long friend. For many years she has copied what I like, my friends, takes my ideas or knowledge and makes it hers. I have tried to let it go, but it continues each day. I feel like I have identity theft at this point. Is anyone familiar with mental health issues that can explain to me why people act this way and what can someone do about it? It is not a form of flattery, that answer is not what I am looking for.
I can't explain why copycats do what they do but I can commiserate. I had a long time friend who did the same thing. When I started wearing colorful headscarves, she started wearing colorful headscarves. When I took guitar lessons, she went out and bought a guitar. I bought a silver car, she bought one too. I laughed it off and mistook it as flattery. Later on, she had a mental breakdown and imagined I had done all sorts of harmful things to her. Caused quite a scene and had to be carried away by her husband. I feel bad for her but we are no longer "friends". I hear she is on anti-psychotic medicine and still has trouble discerning fantasy from reality.
Your friend might not be as bad but if I have any advice for you it is to proceed with extreme caution.
OP, the glib advice often given to this sort of thing is to take it as flattery, but as the above poster indicates, I don't think it's that, at all. I wouldn't consider such a person a "friend". I'd keep a good distance. For one thing, some people who do that could be copying you, in order to undermine you, and present themselves as the originators of this or that idea or trend. Some people will even copy entire phrases, pieces of information, wordings they're not capable of generating themselves, and use them to boost themselves up in some of the same circles you move in, or even to compete with you for jobs. I've seen people do this even in grant applications; lifting entire passages from someone else's grant proposal, to present a better and more competitive proposal than they'd be capable of doing on their own, to build an stronger image of themselves in their field, than their own work justifies.
You never know what people's motives are; people with narcissistic tendencies could be using your style, your way of speaking and your ideas to compete with you behind your back, and to put you down. There's weird stuff out there, as Miso Blu's post indicates. I would not take constant copy-cat behavior as normal at all. There's something wrong there; it indicates the individual is missing something in their own life, and is a little off-kilter, if it's a chronic behavior, IMO.
If you really like being around her and value her friendship try to find ways to compliment her when she makes choices on her own. Just start with small things to let her know she can trust her own intuition. Sometimes people like this don't trust what they like and don't want to be judged so they go with something that someone is doing. Perhaps they were criticized in the past for their personal taste. Its obvious she values your taste so she will trust your opinion if you say her own personal choice was a good call.
Last edited by thriftylefty; 05-16-2018 at 06:31 AM..
I was searching for a psychology forum that could help me find answers. I have tried for a long time to figure this out and a solution . I am not sure how many mental health professionals are on here , or some one who is familiar with copy-cat syndrome, but I can sure use your guidance .
I am an adult woman who has a life long friend. For many years she has copied what I like, my friends, takes my ideas or knowledge and makes it hers. I have tried to let it go, but it continues each day. I feel like I have identity theft at this point. Is anyone familiar with mental health issues that can explain to me why people act this way and what can someone do about it? It is not a form of flattery, that answer is not what I am looking for.
There are people who operate out of compulsive competitiveness, jealousy, and a need to garner attention, and emulating those who may be receiving the attention for which they are competing. Sometimes this behavior may be part of a personality disorder, sometimes not. Sometimes people have limited social competency and are poorly adjusted.
There are people who operate out of compulsive competitiveness, jealousy, and a need to garner attention, and emulating those who may be receiving the attention for which they are competing. Sometimes this behavior may be part of a personality disorder, sometimes not. Sometimes people have limited social competency and are poorly adjusted.
To the OP I don't think on the scale you are talking about that it's healthy and I wonder if you have asked your friend about it. I don't know that I could be friends with someone like that, but if you value your friendship then perhaps you talk it through but be prepared it may backfire.
There are people who operate out of compulsive competitiveness, jealousy, and a need to garner attention, and emulating those who may be receiving the attention for which they are competing. Sometimes this behavior may be part of a personality disorder, sometimes not. Sometimes people have limited social competency and are poorly adjusted.
I'm really thinking about this. In the one case I've run into in my life, I'd have to say all of the bolded are true. I never really thought about it before, but the person does have all those qualities.
May not be a term sanctified, blessed, and contained formally in the DSM, but seems like an appropriate layperson's description of behavior.
It's certainly a description of behavior, but it describes behavior that crops up in a pretty wide swath of mental health and/or behavioral issues.
Since the OP specifically asked,
Quote:
Is anyone familiar with mental health issues that can explain to me why people act this way and what can someone do about it?
I don't feel that my response was inappropriate. Any way you slice it, we're really talking about behavior that isn't prosocial, whether it is rooted in some pathology or another or not (most likely, not, though it isn't impossible that a personality disorder could be a factor). And the "why people act this way" is, as always, that it garners some specific reinforcement. Maybe that is sought-after attention, maybe it serves a compulsive need of some kind, could be anything, really. But it isn't necessarily a mental health issue. Not all socially inappropriate behavior is.
In terms of "what to do about it," you really can't do anything in most cases to affect someone else's behavior significantly, unless you control the reinforcement (i.e.if someone is doing something purely to get a rise out of you, and you cease supplying the desired response, the behavior will typically change). You can't control what they do, only what you do.
In a case where it is not somebody you have to be around, and the behavior is hindering quality of life, the answer is usually to not be around the person. If it is a situation where someone is doing something that adversely affects your wellbeing in a way that surpasses personal annoyance or unhappiness, like taking credit for your ideas in a work setting, for example, it would be appropriate to address with higher-ups.
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