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I gave up drinking nearly two years ago due to a medical issue. I was very, very sick for nearly a year. I I couldn't have drank if I wanted to. Once I recovered, i decided to not start again. I never even drank that much. Maybe a glass of wine a week at home. I would go out once or twice a month and have several drinks, to the point of being at least buzzed if not drunk. I would do that at holidays and such too. I just realized that there was nothing good about it. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't a good example for my kids, etc.
Looking at it from the other side, I don't really understand the attitude of "I don't want to give up drinking." Why not? Do you have anything to lose by not drinking? Conversely, do you have any risks if you continue to drink? I don't know anyone who stopped drinking and regretted it. I get that people enjoy it. Heck, I used to enjoy smoking too (years and years ago). But it was unhealthy, so I stopped.
As far as the OP goes, I don't think drinking alone is the problem. I think the amount you drink and the reasons why you drink are bigger concerns. the fact that you also used cannabis and nicotine also support the fact that you are self-medicating. That's not good or healthy, mentally or physically. Have you tried to stop drinking? Like quit altogether for a few weeks or a month? I would try that and see how you feel. I would also seek out a good counselor. A great therapist is worth their weight in gold, and there is no shame in working with one.
Tom I don't know if you have been in counseling but it is not for venting. If anybody feels the need to vent that can be your first agenda after your intake appointment. I'm sure anybody would move on to the next stage, "Why do you feel the need to vent?"
I've been in therapy for about a year, and I vent there all the time.
I don't think drinking alone is automatically a problem - but OP, from what you say, the amount you are drinking is too much.
There is an axiom and thought about not drinking alone too much - but one need not automatically accept that as accurate.
I don't think drinking alone is a particular problem - but the amount you report is too much - you need to be able to stop at small or smaller amounts. And if you cannot stop at small amounts, you are then too dependent on the alcohol.
I agree. Many drink alone and make it a daily routine to have one or two for stress relief from a long day. I also enjoy the taste of a good wine, craft beer or well prepared Gin Martini and appreciate that aspect more than the "buzz". Having friends who are similarly inclined heightens the enjoyment and enjoy preparing communal dinners during the process. It's what you make it and if there are lingering psychological issues undermining it you have no where to go other than a "bad place". Some have issues with drinking in moderation yet a great many seem to get by just fine, and demonizing it across the board is kind of offensive to those fortunate enough to not have to worry...or to have to feel some kind of unnecessary guilt because of that.
So only drunks are just, good, and logical? Yikes!
See where you went off ?
Didn't say that. But at least there's something driving them to drink. If you're so blind to the problems of the world that you can blithely carry on while sober, then you're both boring and delusional--not a combination of traits I admire in a person.
I've been in therapy for about a year, and I vent there all the time.
My two professional psychologist friends have advised me that my assumption about venting is incorrect. Sometimes venting in counseling happens with some patients, sometimes it does not. Source: 1 Psy.D., 1 Ph.D. in psychology, both veteran clinical psychologists.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Choosing not to drink to excess does not connote "being blind to the problems of the world."
Sometimes choosing to not drink at all is a pretty smart move. Not drinking to excess is always a smart lifestyle choice.
I sometimes say first decide how long you want to live, and then make appropriate lifestyle choices commensurate with the age you decided upon. By lifestyle choices I mean diet, exercise, alcoholic consumption, and whether to use recreational drugs. Sometimes the choice is to associate or not associate with toxic people.
OP I can see how living in a place you don't like could trigger some hopelessness and depression. I don't think I would fare well in Oklahoma myself. You've got to pull yourself together, dig deep, and be tough until something changes and you can move to a more suitable locale. I'd recommend working out every other day for an hour. Working out is a natural stress reliever and mood enhancer, and there is something about pushing through the discomfort of cardio exercise that releases pent up negativity and stress. Plus, it strengthens your determination and goal setting which will soon show up in other areas of your life which may help you to make the necessary life changes to get out of Oklahoma.
Once you get into a good routine, you won't want to sabotage your consistent efforts with too much alcohol which tends to put weight on and depletes energy. It's a depressant as well and so you are drinking to feel better only to potentially feel worse later. I workout for an hour every other day and then mostly drink 1/3 part wine to 2/3 part seltzer water during the week. I can have 2-4 of these, and it's like I'm tricking myself into thinking I am having more than I am. I get to enjoy the ritual of drinking but it doesn't amount to more than two glasses and I am staying hydrated. On the weekends, I may have straight up wine but I don't like ever feeling foggy or achy the next day, and so I usually revert back to my spritzers. I've noticed that the spritzers have lowered my overall tolerance to alcohol so that is a bonus as well.
I saw the 'drinking alone' topic and have been following for a few days. I'm here to read all the posts and perhaps share my own story.
You had me until the 2nd paragraph - and this is just my opinion. But for someone who is truly an alcoholic, 'controlled drinking' is not going to work, for long. The guidance in your first paragraph though, is spot on, IMO. Physical exercise, combined with other tools, can really help the alcoholic, or the person who may not be an alcoholic, but who is drinking too much, or thinks they are drinking too much. (Hint: If you think you are drinking too much, you probably are.)
Sounds like self-medication to me, in order to avoid past emotional difficulties which has yet to be dealt with properly and is very painful.... can be a conscious or unconscious act.
Given your history, have you been evaluated ever with a psych evaluation? Would you consider that? Just one eval can give you priceless information on what your true problem is, and what to do about it.
As an example...briefly...I used to drink, knowing full well I had yet to deal with some painful childhood issues. Once I received therapy and was placed on medications for assistance with my psych problems, I immediately lost any thoughts of drinking...as I had begun to deal with what I was attempting to cover up. Now I rarely enjoy one beer or one glass of wine every few months, no desire for more.
Your situation can be quite different but you are at least ahead by identifying
that your drinking is problematic and can make efforts to get help. Of course there are always 12 step programs that some people swear by...
Your first sentence nails it. And I think what happens is, in a person with a propensity to drink, self-medicating becomes a very difficult 'habit' to break until you finally get to 'what the hell am I doing?' and not being able to find a way clear of this. More on that later. Thank you GBH.
I rarely drink socially. I drink 1-2 glasses of wine a night. I love the taste of wine. If I was drinking with someone I would miss out on the notes/what is hitting my palate because I would be too busy socializing.
Do I wish I could give it up? Yes, probably because there is that taboo that one shouldn't be drinking wine every night (try telling that to the people in Italy!). But in reality that is my only treat. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't shop. I don't go out, I don't party. Nor do I feel like socializing. I am 60 years old, I love my job however after a long day of talking all day at work, the last thing I want to do is talk to someone. I want to sit back and relax, have a glass of wine with a magazine or with NetFlix.
I can relate. I really used to love a good glass of wine or craft beer. No 'cheap stuff' for me. In the beginning it really was about the taste and not the buzz. I wouldn't really drink socially, either, and drank mostly at home, on my porch, or in front of the TV - I deserved it, I work hard, blah blah blah - with hubby, who eventually started to 'enjoy' more than he usually did, I think because I was drinking. I used to tell myself that since I didn't go out much I was really just having a little 'party' by myself. As I came to realize months down the line that I WAS unhappy, and depressed, and had other issues that I really needed to deal with, I realized I was self-medicating. My husband at that point began to believe I had a problem, and I finally came to the same conclusion myself.
I am the child of two alcoholic parents but until the last few years (I am older) had a sane life and although I overdrank in my college days, and on occasion after that, this time around I realized I had to face the immediate situation. I also live in a place that, while beautiful, has never really been 'for me.' But we were here, had moved across the country to be here, and I still had to work, so here we stayed.
I've never had a DUI or been arrested, or crashed my car, or lost a job, or lost time, or blacked out, or drank during the day or at work, none of what one might consider typical alcoholic behavior. I've had good jobs and have done well in them. No real financial problems, etc. Everyone has their own 'bottom.'
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