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The problem is, this young man is limiting himself to an unhealthy degree. He's stunting his independence and future happiness.
I will agree that he suffers with severe anxiety. Sounds like, when the deaths of his friends happened, it did something to him.
Since he is refusing to see a counselor...as a parent, I'd start making things slightly (but increasingly) uncomfortable for him to stay home.
Stuff like, taking the TV out of his bedroom. Stripping everything personal out of his bedroom. Posters, Game systems, whatever. If he wants to cooperate, and behave like an adult...than he gets his stuff back, little by little.
Sometimes we have to make the nest an uncomfortable place to be.
Yeah, I'm sure that's the best way to deal with a person with 'severe anxiety' - make things worse. Give this person a medal.
It's pretty simple. He's an adult still living with his parents. They all need to be in therapy together, imo. The parents need to require that for him to continue living with them.
The parents have made no indication that they are bothered with the way things are.
The OP isn't a family member, just a classic buttinsky.
Go in your roommate's room and take his TV and tell him you won't give it back until he does the dishes the way you want him to.
Then see who the police side with.
The man in the OP's post is an adult. His parents can't take his stuff anymore, nor should they even try.
Oh, I'll get right on that mizzile. Let's see what the police say when I explain that I paid for that TV, and I make the house payment, and I pay for the groceries, etc.
This son isn't a room mate and doesn't pay for a damned thing. Not even rent.
Look, this young guy is not well. It doesn’t take a psychologist to see this! He seems paralyzed by fear, possibly from the trauma of losing his friends. He really needs to see a doctor soon, and I don’t agree with the idea of throwing him out, he needs to get well. I’m sure his parents love him and want the best for him, but they really need to step up and get this guy to a doctor.
Look, this young guy is not well. It doesn’t take a psychologist to see this! He seems paralyzed by fear, possibly from the trauma of losing his friends. He really needs to see a doctor soon, and I don’t agree with the idea of throwing him out, he needs to get well. I’m sure his parents love him and want the best for him, but they really need to step up and get this guy to a doctor.
I'm not sure if you're talking about what I said. But what I said was just for the purpose of getting him to see a counselor and therapy. I never said (and I'm not sure if you're implying) to kick him out to the streets.
I DO think his parents need some kind of leverage to get him to see a therapist. Right now, he's content. Just make him not so content at home.
I know a young man age 24 that still lives with his mother and father.High School graduate. Has had one job for a short time at a movie theater. Good physical health, Tall and very big. Size 13 shoes. Good looking. Good working parents.
1. Used to play sports in school. Used to go bowling and was very good.
2. Refuses to watch home sports teams plying. He says they will lose if he even walks through the room while games are playing.
3. He has had 2 friends killed while 16-18 years old within 5 minutes of him exiting the car and one replaced him in the seat he had been in.
4. Refuses to drive and get a license. Won't even move a car in the driveways.
5. Parents have tried and tried to get him to go for counseling.
What help does he need?
First and foremost, he needs willingness to explore the aftereffects of trauma and loss, including subsequent anxiety, even potentially various types of situational phobia that commonly arise in the wake of trauma.
No help. He is an adult. If he doesn't want to drive then leave him be. Cars kill 35,000 people a year, he's probably a pretty smart person.
Possibly.
Or, alternately, he may be experiencing aftereffects of trauma and engaging behavior that is maladaptive and hinders his independence, ability to function, and psychological development. In which case, addressing these issues that have the potential to adversely affect his life and the lives of those around him is a better idea than "leave him be."
While there are many locales that are perfectly suited to those who prefer not to drive (note, "prefer not to drive" is a completely different situation, from an emotional standpoint, than, "is beset by panic attacks at the mere idea of driving and compulsively avoids doing so to the point that independent functioning is adversely affected." And we don't know if this person's experience falls on either of these ends of the avoidance spectrum, or somewhere (likely) in the middle), many are not.
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