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I've looked it up, I've asked on other websites/message boards, but I am still unclear on what the term "emotionally unavailable" means. I'll try asking here.
It also means that some people do not know how to be emotionally close with others including a significant other.
While there are some people who deliberately choose to be emotionally distant, others just do not know how to be emotionally close.
Some feel psychologically or emotionally threatened by emotional closeness, others have their defenses up for psychological protection, while others have never developed the skills.
Others do not like to reveal their thoughts and emotions making them emotionally unavailable.
Agree with both comments above and will add one, using myself as an example.
I am emotionally available for friendships, incl close ones. But, it is highly unlikely that I would be for a romantic relationship. Been there, done that -- have had several and been married once. Glad I did all of that but I simply don't feel the need for it anymore and I also grasp how low the odds are for a long-term, mutually satisfying, romantic relationship. Very few achieve that and I don't want to spend my last couple decades on this planet mired in all the psycho-drama and low odds that goes with it.
So, yeah, on that level I'm mostly emotionally unavailable and perfectly fine with it.
It means you just want to have sex and otherwise cant be bothered by a partner.
This pretty much nails it. For platonic friends, too, though, it includes narcissistic people. Someone who just doesn't care to listen to your problems, or doesn't remember or care about your birthday, etc. They're someone who wants to be able to call you while they're killing time in the car, but don't want to - or care about - listening to your problems, etc. They may also just call you for your advice or use you for your expertise, but are just always too busy to ever return the favor.
It all basically boils down to someone who is a narcissist.
I have never heard that term before but I like it. It's cold. But the person saying it cannot make himself/herself any clearer for someone who is interested. If it isn't enough to discourage then that person is either dense or a glutton for punishment.
It could be situational like if a person is dealing with a sick and dying close relative they are unlikely to be emotionally available in a relationship. It could also describe a person who is unable to empathize with someone. They could have been raised this way and are hopelessly unable to show compassion. Its also a rather rude way of someone saying they don't have time to deal with your drama.
Last edited by thriftylefty; 06-11-2018 at 07:00 AM..
If you are emotionally unavailable to the mother you love in her time of need... shame on you.
If you are emotionally unavailable to your wife or girlfriend as she complains about people on her job... meh.
If you are emotionally unavailable to your best friend after he is laid off... shame on you.
If you are emotionally unavailable to a co-worker who keeps looking for your time, support and ear... meh.
It's all about context. And everyone you know may hope for your undivided attention (ie. emotionally availability) but life is too busy and short for that; you've got to pick your spots.
Hmm, I’m generally emotionally unavailable. That doesn’t mean I am unsupportive of your emotions. I just don’t share mine. It takes me a while to want to share that way to someone else.
For both friends and romantic partners.
People always always share with me. I know so much about everyone’s emotion state but do not want to burden people with mine. Probably out of fear of adding burden or strain and also for giving people ammunition for future hurt. Or being vulnerable.
If you are emotionally unavailable to the mother you love in her time of need... shame on you.
If you are emotionally unavailable to your wife or girlfriend as she complains about people on her job... meh.
If you are emotionally unavailable to your best friend after he is laid off... shame on you.
If you are emotionally unavailable to a co-worker who keeps looking for your time, support and ear... meh.
It's all about context. And everyone you know may hope for your undivided attention (ie. emotionally availability) but life is too busy and short for that; you've got to pick your spots.
Totally agree with this but I’d like to add that there are times when some people accuse others of being emotionally unavailable yet never bothered to share what they need and somehow expect you to be a blasted mind reader.
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