changeable behavior - Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde (narcissistic, therapy, men)
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Do you know of a person who behaves in a very charming, personable, happy, emotionally stable way with others - and others have a good opinion of him or her - but that same person behaves very differently with a significant other or relative or family member behind closed doors and in those relationships?
I've read how it is not uncommon for some men (and some women) to be emotionally abusive or a tyrant or behave in an ugly way to one's spouse or significant other or family member - but others who are his acquaintances, even friends, co-workers all think highly of him because he behaves in personable charming ways to those who are not his significant other or his relative or in his family.
Some people with Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder behave in pathological ways - but not all people in his or her life - see the negative parts of the person.
It also happens where negative behavior comes out in a close intimate relationship, but not with others in a person's life.
Last edited by matisse12; 07-30-2018 at 03:01 PM..
I was accused of these disorders - all of it - bipolar, narcissistic, mood disorder
The distressful emotions are triggered simply because I am in a stressful situation with legal consequences, and I felt that the discussion isn't just a simple statement, but an accusation with intended harmful consequences.
Otherwise, I am used to frustrations and can deal with it just fine.
People will loosely label others, but sometimes, you also have to ask yourself - what triggered these negative emotions, instead of thinking of the display of these emotions by itself is problematic.
Borderline Personality Disorder is not bipolar. If interested, you can put 'Borderline Personality Disorder' into google.com and you will see all the characteristics of this disorder.
'Narcissistic Personality Disorder' can also be googled to see all of the characteristics of this disorder.
Both are established disorders using those exact names.
But I just used those two disorders as examples of what can cause pathological behavior.
Your points are to be considered, Zavs.
Last edited by matisse12; 07-30-2018 at 04:15 PM..
Do you know of a person who behaves in a very charming, personable, happy, emotionally stable way with others - and others have a good opinion of him or her - but that same person behaves very differently with a significant other or relative or family member behind closed doors and in those relationships?
I've read how it is not uncommon for some men (and some women) to be emotionally abusive or a tyrant or behave in an ugly way to one's spouse or significant other or family member - but others who are his acquaintances, even friends, co-workers all think highly of him because he behaves in personable charming ways to those who are not his significant other or his relative or in his family.
Aren't so many people like this? Maybe not to the extreme of being abusive or tyrannical to their family, but I always thought it was common to treat your friends/acquaintances/even strangers the best and your family the worst. That's why there's so much family drama: because you can say and act in ways that you'll never do with other people.
My children are a little like this and they are obviously too young to be self-aware. They act up and are disobedient around us (I'm their mom), but when their friends are around, all of a sudden, they are the sweetest, most obedient children ever.
My mom is like this. She resents my dad and is very rude, haughty, and mean to him. But she'll turn around and smile and talk to me (or anyone else that's not my dad) very pleasantly and nicely. I've always hated her two-facedness. My spouse's family is like this, but not to my mom's extreme.
Do you know of a person who behaves in a very charming, personable, happy, emotionally stable way with others - and others have a good opinion of him or her - but that same person behaves very differently with a significant other or relative or family member behind closed doors and in those relationships?
I've read how it is not uncommon for some men (and some women) to be emotionally abusive or a tyrant or behave in an ugly way to one's spouse or significant other or family member - but others who are his acquaintances, even friends, co-workers all think highly of him because he behaves in personable charming ways to those who are not his significant other or his relative or in his family.
Some people with Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder behave in pathological ways - but not all people in his or her life - see the negative parts of the person.
It also happens where negative behavior comes out in a close intimate relationship, but not with others in a person's life.
I have this diagnosis, BPD. As a young girl from teens to adulthood, I exhibited many but not all of the 9 characteristics that qualify under the umbrella of BPD. Over the years I was treated for depression, major, but unfortunately not until I was an adult did I get a proper diagnosis and treatment, proper meds for BPD. Well actually, therapy is the choice treatment but some meds helped my symptoms and improved depression as well.
If you've delved into BPD you'll know it's hard to treat...as the basis for this illness is deeply ingrained in problematic/abusive relationships from childhood.
To have the diagnosis you must generally present 5 of 9, I believe, characteristics of BPD....currently I do not meet the criteria so am termed in remission.
Problematic relationships are the hallmark of this illness. I can be quite charming but at times have unstable relationships. I was married for 20 plus years so it was never bad in my relationship with him until near the end. But other relationships, yes....difficult my entire life. Luckily I did not experience violence of any kind.
Are you thinking of someone in particular as you ask your questions?
Part of it is, to what degree one is different with a significant other, spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, family member or a relative.
Most everyone behaves differently with a significant other or family member, but it's the degree to which one behaves differently. While co-workers, friends, acquaintances may find a person personable, charming, and a very nice person, a significant other or family member may see a whole different side to the same person - and the degree to which that person behaves in pathological, negative, hurtful, angry ways is the crux.
It's interesting when co-workers, friends, acquaintances say they could never believe or are shocked by behavior which they've never seen in a person - for example, when a person commits a serious crime or is involved in a serious domestic abuse incident in the home, or embezzlement or any unorthodox unexpected behavior etc - and mothers often say "my son or my daughter would never do that (commit a crime like murder, assault, robbery, theft, or even more minor transgressions of any kind)".
One hears about people who have a public facade and are very different in private. It's surprising how easily people can be fooled - and friends or co-workers or acquaintances will maintain how pathological or negative personality traits could not possibly be part of the personality of someone who they think they know.
Last edited by matisse12; 08-01-2018 at 03:18 PM..
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but at times have unstable relationships. I was married for 20 plus years so it was never bad in my relationship with him until near the end. But other relationships, yes....difficult my entire life. Luckily I did not experience violence of any kind.
