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I just came across the video below, and I was SHOCKED because I have 20 or the 26 signs of having been mentally abused. Although I have always acknowledged the fact that I was emotionally neglected, I had never thought I was emotionally or mentally abused.
I just came across the video below, and I was SHOCKED because I have 20 or the 26 signs of having been mentally abused. Although I have always acknowledged the fact that I was emotionally neglected, I had never thought I was emotionally or mentally abused.
So for those of you who want to watch, how many did you say Yes to? And do you think the points made in the video are valid or not?
TBH I think it would be easy for most people to answer yes to most of those "signs". You also have to assume the person taking the "quiz" is even able to be honest with themselves. The signs are general enough to encompass entire spectrums of behavior. Frequency and intensity matter. Everything from "never" to "always", "mild" to "severe". I am firm in my belief that I was not emotionally or mentally abused as a child but could easily take credit for doing many of the things on that list. I think it is too simplistic, too all-inclusive, provides convenient labeling for people determined to explain things they do that they don't happen to like, and doesn't acknowledge that there are other explanations for many of the so-called signs. Many people spend endless effort ranking themselves against each other. Adding themselves to pigeonholes so they don't feel alone or inexplicable.
Would you seriously assume a humble person who gives credit where it is due was abused and a braggart who doesn't recognize anyone else not abused?
A thoughtful quiet introvert as abused and a loudmouth extrovert who never lets anyone have a say as not abused?
A person who takes time and reflection before making a major decision as abused and a reckless person who does everything by the seat of their pants as not abused? Really? Somehow I doubt it. The degree to which some individual person behaves in those ways matters a lot.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-03-2019 at 09:11 PM..
"Sensitive to loud noises". I've noticed that people who have abuse or trauma in their childhood over-react to someone making a sudden move, like grabbing some trash and throwing it away, as they begin to clean, or even something as simple as crumpling up a piece of paper to toss it in a wastebasket. People with abuse in their past interpret this as anger; they tend to startle easily, and ask "what's wrong", when you're only doing some routine thing. A sudden noise or jerky movement frightens them.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-03-2019 at 11:11 PM..
Some people have symptoms of trauma without recognizing that they have been traumatized. For them to deal with their symptoms I think it's important for them to understand that the experiences they have had have been beyond the healthy norm.
Maybe an exercise like this is useful?
On the other hand, living in society almost guarantees occasions of emotional distress caused by others' behavior. I'd suggest that for people who are suffering from symptomatic behavior which they desire to change it's important to identify a consistent, long-standing pattern of emotional abuse which occurred fairly early in their development.
I'd caution against cherry picking occasions of emotional abuse which are unrelated and thinking of them as a consistent pattern. Although it might be those with previous experiences who would be most prone to view them this way.
Which is all a complicated way of saying awareness first and desensitization and resilience second.
LMAO trust me as someone who was systematically abused from infancy on by a sadistic Mother who enjoyed causing fear and pain, one KNOWS when they have been abused. If you need a silly quiz to determine this you likely were not abused.
People who get a slap across the face and call it abuse slay me. Pikers.
double-bind statements, gaslighting, magical thinking, transference, not being allowed to have a separate identity...anything reinforced on a regular basis as "the Truth".
LMAO trust me as someone who was systematically abused from infancy on by a sadistic Mother who enjoyed causing fear and pain, one KNOWS when they have been abused. If you need a silly quiz to determine this you likely were not abused.
People who get a slap across the face and call it abuse slay me. Pikers.
Well, there do exist a number of people who are so demoralized by their childhood abuse that they actually think that it was appropriate childhood punishment and if it hurt them it was because they deserved it.
I'm not quite sure how to take your attitude about your own abuse and using it to minimize others'. Is it helpful to you?
Some people have symptoms of trauma without recognizing that they have been traumatized. For them to deal with their symptoms I think it's important for them to understand that the experiences they have had have been beyond the healthy norm.
Maybe an exercise like this is useful?
On the other hand, living in society almost guarantees occasions of emotional distress caused by others' behavior. I'd suggest that for people who are suffering from symptomatic behavior which they desire to change it's important to identify a consistent, long-standing pattern of emotional abuse which occurred fairly early in their development.
I'd caution against cherry picking occasions of emotional abuse which are unrelated and thinking of them as a consistent pattern. Although it might be those with previous experiences who would be most prone to view them this way.
Which is all a complicated way of saying awareness first and desensitization and resilience second.
I was well into adulthood before I could identify and admit to my mother's physical and emotional abuse....
I agree...awareness first, then resilience (where I am now. )
LMAO trust me as someone who was systematically abused from infancy on by a sadistic Mother who enjoyed causing fear and pain, one KNOWS when they have been abused. If you need a silly quiz to determine this you likely were not abused.
People who get a slap across the face and call it abuse slay me. Pikers.
We aren't your enemy....regarding your sarcastic remarks and anger.
There are of course all forms of abuse, circumstances, reactions...not just your definition. A slap is certainly an assault.
My mother was a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. Watching that video, I recognized myself in some of the items. For example, I'm slow to trust people. I do find myself being easily startled by loud noises and hate being around anyone who is yelling. When I make a mistake, I do tend to beat myself over it. Receiving compliments is hard for me. That said when I receive one, I do say "thank you" and often feel like I have to return the compliment. As a kid, my self esteem and self confidence were constantly being undermined.
Some of the things I did grow out of. For example, as a kid I was painfully shy and had trouble making eye contact and speaking up. Only as I got older, did I get better at talking to others. It took me a long time to learn to assert myself and speak up. When I became a mother, it actually helped me become more assertive because I wanted to teach by example for my daughter.
For years, my father set himself up as the "good guy". Only when I was older, did I figure out that he throw us kids under the bus by enabling my mother in her behavior. Not only would he stand by and say nothing but if we tried to speak up and defend ourselves, he would take us aside and tell us to stop so that she wouldn't yell at him later. In fact, he engaged in mind games with us at times. Nice, huh?/sarcasm.
As for addictive behavior and self-harming --- I never engaged in any of that, and looking back, I am so glad that I didn't do such things. There was something in me that kept me going down those roads.
One of my brothers, who, ironically enough, was my mother's favorite ended up self-medicating with alcohol, pot and tobacco. When he was out on his own as an adult, he rarely called my parents. In fact, if it weren't for my SIL, they never would have heard from him at all. He ended up dying 6 years ago of lung cancer that had spread.
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