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Seems the assumption is that people only curse when they are upset...
People curse all the time, for no apparent reason at all...even the fictional Mrs. Maisel (!) and she's a nice upper middle class Jewish lady living in the 1950's!
My nice, well-educated, 70 year-old Jewish mother curses like a sailor sometimes... that's where I learned most of my curse words, lol! But like others have said, I think "lack of self-control" can only be applied to people who can't curb the swearing when it's not appropriate. I wouldn't use the f-word at a job interview, for example, and definitely watch my mouth when working with the public (as my job mostly entails). But when I'm alone or with friends/family who I know don't care, I'll let it fly! So the fact that I can control when and how I use these words kinda implies I do NOT lack self-control. Right?
An angry cursing man or woman can be scary to others. They have lost self control. Who knows what they might do next?
An angry person in general can be scary, regardless of the exact words they're using... I'm just as scared by someone turning red and screaming "YOU GOSH-DARN IDIOT!" than I would be if they used a "curse word" in place of gosh-darn. It's about tone, volume, and intention more so than the words themselves.
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People who use gutter terms in the course of everyday speech, sound as if they have a limited vocabulary to me.
Numerous studies have actually shown the opposite; that people who curse a lot tend to have LARGER vocabularies and higher IQs. This is generally speaking, of course, so there will always be exceptions. I know my vocabulary is pretty extensive, and I'm obviously well-educated, but I still use the f-word like a conjunction sometimes.
So we have folks here who are saying that people who use profanity have low intelligence or limited vocabulary or whatever, and you chose me in particular to call judgmental?
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Originally Posted by supermanpansy
For someone so who claims to be so open minded, you sure do a lot of judging. Just saying.
You intrigue me. Why?
If you are trying to be hurtful or you're saying things that you know very well are likely to cause intense discomfort in people near you, and you are the sort to defend your right to be abrasive...that whole "I'm offensive, deal with it" throwing of one's weight around thing...and claiming others are just too sensitive...? Yeah, I kinda judge that.
But for background, I was married for a long time to a guy like this, and he had zero empathy. He didn't care about "feelings" and he sure didn't care about mine. But if something hurt him or upset him, well...different story! Turns out these people who act like everybody else needs to have a thicker skin, yeah there are things that upset them, they just want to be able to say "You don't matter. I do." Usually they can dish it out, but they really can't take much.
But I am NOT talking about those of us who curse around our friends where we know it is fine or someone simply making an unfortunate social gaffe. In case that wasn't clear? I was basically saying that intent counts.
Numerous studies have actually shown the opposite; that people who curse a lot tend to have LARGER vocabularies and higher IQs. This is generally speaking, of course, so there will always be exceptions. I know my vocabulary is pretty extensive, and I'm obviously well-educated, but I still use the f-word like a conjunction sometimes.
Succinctness. A single curse word can be a very effective form of communication.
Could be emotive expression...
Could be lack of impulse control...
Could be a form of Tourette's (coprolalia)...
Could be from enlisted military background...
Could be it is rebellion from a strict upbringing...
Swearing at every other word actually just draws out what you're trying to say and sounds ridiculous.
So we have folks here who are saying that people who use profanity have low intelligence or limited vocabulary or whatever, and you chose me in particular to call judgmental?
You intrigue me. Why?
If you are trying to be hurtful or you're saying things that you know very well are likely to cause intense discomfort in people near you, and you are the sort to defend your right to be abrasive...that whole "I'm offensive, deal with it" throwing of one's weight around thing...and claiming others are just too sensitive...? Yeah, I kinda judge that.
But for background, I was married for a long time to a guy like this, and he had zero empathy. He didn't care about "feelings" and he sure didn't care about mine. But if something hurt him or upset him, well...different story! Turns out these people who act like everybody else needs to have a thicker skin, yeah there are things that upset them, they just want to be able to say "You don't matter. I do." Usually they can dish it out, but they really can't take much.
But I am NOT talking about those of us who curse around our friends where we know it is fine or someone simply making an unfortunate social gaffe. In case that wasn't clear? I was basically saying that intent counts.
Thank you for clearing that up. It makes sense, seeing how you were with a rage head for that long. I just get tired of the "holier than thou" types that look down on everyone else. Those people are the worst.
So we have folks here who are saying that people who use profanity have low intelligence or limited vocabulary or whatever, and you chose me in particular to call judgmental?
You intrigue me. Why?
If you are trying to be hurtful or you're saying things that you know very well are likely to cause intense discomfort in people near you, and you are the sort to defend your right to be abrasive...that whole "I'm offensive, deal with it" throwing of one's weight around thing...and claiming others are just too sensitive...? Yeah, I kinda judge that.
But for background, I was married for a long time to a guy like this, and he had zero empathy. He didn't care about "feelings" and he sure didn't care about mine. But if something hurt him or upset him, well...different story! Turns out these people who act like everybody else needs to have a thicker skin, yeah there are things that upset them, they just want to be able to say "You don't matter. I do." Usually they can dish it out, but they really can't take much.
But I am NOT talking about those of us who curse around our friends where we know it is fine or someone simply making an unfortunate social gaffe. In case that wasn't clear? I was basically saying that intent counts.
Yeah but these are also usually people who have gone through a lot in their life(like problems with family and work maybe).
These people tend to seem cold when they grow up but they have a very warped perception of love.
They usually seem judgy and egoistic, but they have a whole other idea of what's important.
The way they say something is not important. They don't understand how they seem to other people who are more sensitive, because they didn't have the choice to remain sensitive.
So the truth is somewhere in the middle. People who have had it easy usually tend to be more sensitive to aggressive/rude behavior and people who had it hard think that when you are trying to say something in a nice way may think that you are trying to avoid the blame or may even think that you are patronizing them.
Everyone is sensitive in their own ways. Some people show it and some people just keep it inside and seem distant and angry, when in truth they are just sad.
A good cuss word can enhance a sentence, but too much of it is tedious. I don't like to be around people who curse regularly, it shows a lack of respect for yourself and others. As a Christian I cringe when I hear the Lords name taken in vain.
As a non-christian, I cringe every time I hear someone start rattling on about religion. It is every bit as annoying and disrespectful to others that might not share your beliefs.
Yeah but these are also usually people who have gone through a lot in their life(like problems with family and work maybe).
These people tend to seem cold when they grow up but they have a very warped perception of love.
They usually seem judgy and egoistic, but they have a whole other idea of what's important.
The way they say something is not important. They don't understand how they seem to other people who are more sensitive, because they didn't have the choice to remain sensitive.
So the truth is somewhere in the middle. People who have had it easy usually tend to be more sensitive to aggressive/rude behavior and people who had it hard think that when you are trying to say something in a nice way may think that you are trying to avoid the blame or may even think that you are patronizing them.
Everyone is sensitive in their own ways. Some people show it and some people just keep it inside and seem distant and angry, when in truth they are just sad.
Not sure I agree, because I have been through a whole lot of hardship but I don't use that as an excuse to treat other people badly.
In fact I think some of the shaping and contributing factors are very different than what you're saying here. My ex would agree and say his time in the military made him this hard, insensitive, abrasive person, because hey that makes it noble. In reality it's more like as a child, good behavior didn't get him any love but if he misbehaved he'd get his parents full undivided attention. Being punished was better than being invisible, so that set the pattern of things for life...better to behave badly and throw tantrums, than to try and work out what others think or feel, or care about that or be kind or loving, which will only get you ignored. When abuse looks like love, it tends to be how you behave.
I can understand that everyone had a history and that ultimately fault and blame for one's choices isn't the point, but that doesn't mean that I've got to put up with it. It took some doing, some growth, some choices about self respect and personal boundaries, to realize that it doesn't really matter why someone is being a jerk, I just don't have to deal with it. I don't have to sit there and take it because if I choose not to, they might think I am "too sensitive." I won't choose to allow a schoolyard bully to have his way because if I walk away he'll shout "neener neener I hurt your feewings" at my back. Nope. I'm 40 years old, I'm over that game. So whether that means using the ignore or block features as they are intended on the internet, or divorcing an abuser, I will close the door on that and I don't care if anyone thinks I'm being delicate when in fact I'm just having a little self respect.
So yeah, that's where intent counts. It's not the language, necessarily, it's the spirit.
There is a lot of difference between people who use profanity for humor or expression in a group where a spirit of fellowship and adult friendship is prevalent...and those who use word choices with bullying intent and then holler about their victims being "sensitive" when they choose to not listen to it.
Now we had one post upthread somewhere about those lines getting blurred or crossed and who should "win" if there's conflict...a new wife or girlfriend of one of his buddies caused rifts in his social group. All I can say is that if everyone else were really happy with how it had been, and really wanted him to stay, then the woman would have lost that argument. Either she, or her partner, had more social clout in the group. Personally if I don't like some of my boyfriend's buddies (it's happened with one) I just encourage him to go hang and I opt out of it. We are not connected at the hip.
Beyond a couple light cuss words it tells me that person lacks confidence and needs to make a mark to impress. Trouble is it's a turnoff and they have no idea how ugly they sound to others who rank profanity on a pretty low scale. More maturity is needed.
And you sound "very uptight" to a person who uses profanity. Maybe more tolerance and accepting of how things are now, in today's culture, is needed.
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