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I have a very big potty mouth. I know who I can say things around and who I can't. I will not swear around someone who I know it offends. I have my mouth totally under control at all times.
As for swearing around those who I know well enough? They know it's just me. If they don't like my mouth, or don't like me, then I'd know it. I'd either care enough to change around them. Or not.
We all know how trigger happy some people can get when you cuss
So that is why I would like to ask, does cussing show a lack of self-control? Does cussing even just once means the person lacks self control and willpower? Is cussing in your opinion an appropriate way of expressing feelings?
And how will this change over time?
Not saying cussing should be romanctized or glorified either, but shouldn't we be able to cut some slack too, don't you think? Remember the principle of suppressing, the stronger you surpress something the more violent or strong it is to comeback.
I started working at my dads gas station when I was 11 in 1976. I grew up around it and knew where to use it. I mostly curse when I'm pissed
Forward to my daughters generation, born in the early 90's, her whole generation curses in normal conversation which is pretty disgusting to me. I don't know if this is a New Jersey thing or if it's all over. I give her credit, she's trying to slow it down now that her 2 year old daughter is starting to talk.
I listen to about two minutes of a comedian whos skit was more cussing then comedy.
I enjoy the tone and animation some comedy can bring with a foul word..yet this was beyond necessary.
my inner circle knows I cringe at the F bomb on any level of usage. It simply is my hot button. Second to the brazened and thoughtless "suck it up buttercup! . At 14 I had a horrid interaction with a guy who said that...I'll let you use your imagination what he was referring to. It was demeaning and violating ...to this day folks use it with the same crass intent that guy did. Wonder if you'd want your grand daughter. .niece...or wife to be ordered with those words and think it's socially ok.
Not sure where someone said..the more you suppress it..the stronger it imposes itself. Nope. Can't agree. I've disciplined myself to remove expletives...with words that using the right tone...carry the same result. To get direct attention..to express . But what I won't do is sign up for the gee everyone else does it...
Exactly. It's not a lack of self-control, because I entirely control the words that I use. I know when and where and under what circumstances words are appropriate.
Exactly!
I can completely control when and how I use words. I choose sometimes to use a stronger word if it's appropriate. Your (general) definition of appropriate may differ. Such is life.
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Originally Posted by hitnmiss
Beyond a couple light cuss words it tells me that person lacks confidence and needs to make a mark to impress. Trouble is it's a turnoff and they have no idea how ugly they sound to others who rank profanity on a pretty low scale. More maturity is needed.
Or more maturity is needed by the delicate one. They need to realize that words have meanings, and the person using a swear word is communicating something. Perhaps instead of clutching their pearls, they might want to actually listen to the person.
I work in a emotional business (animal welfare). People use swearing to decompress from often horrible situations. When a co-worker swears, I realize that they are possibly distressed and might need me to help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by movingvanmorrison
I just decided to quit going. If I have to control my language among my friends then I need new friends, and I told my friend that. They were fine with that arrangement so I lost a good group of friends. Their true colors showed that this new female member of "our group" was somehow more important than my longstanding "membership".
People that are so uptight about hearing certain words are too uptight for me to have as friends. I say "*)&$# 'em!"
Or perhaps your friend group wanted to get rid of you but were too chicken to do it directly, or didn't like your language themselves. So they were using the new girlfriend as an excuse to do it. Just like how parents tell teenagers to say "my parents won't let me" to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
Yes, it is a lack of control and disciple. It seems kids these days are considerably more loose with it then when I was a kid. Actually it seems more common at work then it used to be just 20 years ago. Some people use the F word in place of every single adjective in every sentence. I simply do not under stand that mentality. I have little respect for people that cant control their mouths. If that is uptight, then so be it. I am not interested in hearing it.
I really don't believe in "bad words"...like how are the words bad? Even the things they are usually used to describe, typically bodily functions or parts, I feel like if we are all sensible adults we should not be having fits of the vapors over. Really, who cares?
The part that matters and where it gets interesting, is in being able to be sensitive to the perceptions of those around you. Having the self awareness and impulse control to control your speech when you're in certain situations, like a formal dinner or at work or taking your kid to the playground and being surrounded by little children (honestly just being a parent of a small child, I censored myself tremendously for years.) And I gained an awareness of exactly WHAT is the problem with profanity, as I raised my sons. Because I told them I didn't want to hear them use inappropriate language, because mainly they needed to learn self control and self awareness before they should have access to freely use certain words. I told them, "If you cannot control yourself to not say those words around your parents, then how do we know you can control yourself not to shout them at school, or in the store, or anywhere?"
And then there are some words that are not merely vulgar, they are considered slurs hearkening to some of the worst actions of certain of my own ancestors against the ancestors of others, and I can hardly say that I am sorry for the brutal family histories my own people visited on other races, if I am yet willing to utter those words. Setting them firmly and permanently aside is a very small thing, one I believe I should be willing to do.
I may at times be vulgar in my choices of expression...when I feel it is acceptable to do so...but I've no interest in being hurtful or hateful in my speech.
Long story short? The situationally or contextually inappropriate usage of specific words, whether profanity or insults, or concepts...it shows that you are either lacking in social skills, or you enjoy making other people uncomfortable perhaps. I might forgive the first, but I'm not likely to forgive the second.
For someone so who claims to be so open minded, you sure do a lot of judging. Just saying.
If someone legitimately has a persistent verbal swearing tic, that's Tourette's syndrome (not everyone with that syndrome has verbal tics though).
I guess you could argue that it is a "lazy" form of communication. Instead of saying, "I'm incredibly frustrated with the timing of today's meeting", saying "I'm so ****ing PO'd about the stupid ****ing meeting time" does express greater energy, but does seem a bit lazy verbally. We have a massive vocabulary at our disposal, and everyone just relying on swearing (instead of composed thoughts relying on other words) results in us all sounding alike.
Swearing excessively in a few sentences also does sound a bit "try hard", so to speak.
There are times where swearing is definitely more appropriate though, especially at expressing sudden, powerful emotions. For instance, if you are running along a trail with someone and a bobcat attacks you, you don't want to say "Egads! A wild beast! It startled me immensely! Beware!", you want to clearly verbalize "HOLY **** A ****ING BOBCAT IS ATTACKING ME, GET THE **** OVER HERE AND HELP ME, FOR ****'S SAKE".
It really depends on the context. I personally wish more Americans spoke like Rod Serling introducing a Twilight Zone episode, but swearing certainly has its place. In casual settings, I use a bit more swearing because I have to think less, but in formal/professional contexts, I enjoy flexing my vocabulary. It's actually quite fun to put thought in your speech and choose your words differently. Swearing is only useful in a certain few instances, IMO.
So, one who is angry but not cursing is totally in control and isn't a threat?
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I am speaking from experience. I do not know what your quarrel is with that statement.
I am sure some people do use profanity or obscenities in a controlled way, to make a point, for effect, or to feel included in a group.
Others are just habitually profane and obscene.
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