Be honest as heck: Does cussing show a lack of self-control? Why or why not? (woman, girlfriend)

[Sassybluesy]

I think there's a time and a place for cussing. In front of my mom? Rarely. Church? Nope.

[fleetiebelle]

Originally Posted by The Lead

Words have different meanings and tones

Sometimes the meaning and tone I want is a swear word

Exactly. It's not a lack of self-control, because I entirely control the words that I use. I know when and where and under what circumstances words are appropriate.

[supermanpansy]

I don't think so. Sometimes I'm like a sailor, without the boat. I cuss mostly when driving. I hate getting behind slow people. So I might politely nod with my finger to them. But I'm probably not classy either. So back to square one.

[ellybelly83]

Depends on the individual. My ex didn't cuss so when he did it meant he was angry. When i cuss it just means i'm awake.

[Sassybluesy]

Originally Posted by ellybelly83

depends on the individual. My ex didn't cuss so when he did it meant he was angry. When i cuss it just means i'm awake.

lol!

[Sonic_Spork]

I really don't believe in "bad words"...like how are the words bad? Even the things they are usually used to describe, typically bodily functions or parts, I feel like if we are all sensible adults we should not be having fits of the vapors over. Really, who cares?

The part that matters and where it gets interesting, is in being able to be sensitive to the perceptions of those around you. Having the self awareness and impulse control to control your speech when you're in certain situations, like a formal dinner or at work or taking your kid to the playground and being surrounded by little children (honestly just being a parent of a small child, I censored myself tremendously for years.) And I gained an awareness of exactly WHAT is the problem with profanity, as I raised my sons. Because I told them I didn't want to hear them use inappropriate language, because mainly they needed to learn self control and self awareness before they should have access to freely use certain words. I told them, "If you cannot control yourself to not say those words around your parents, then how do we know you can control yourself not to shout them at school, or in the store, or anywhere?"

And then there are some words that are not merely vulgar, they are considered slurs hearkening to some of the worst actions of certain of my own ancestors against the ancestors of others, and I can hardly say that I am sorry for the brutal family histories my own people visited on other races, if I am yet willing to utter those words. Setting them firmly and permanently aside is a very small thing, one I believe I should be willing to do.

I may at times be vulgar in my choices of expression...when I feel it is acceptable to do so...but I've no interest in being hurtful or hateful in my speech.

Long story short? The situationally or contextually inappropriate usage of specific words, whether profanity or insults, or concepts...it shows that you are either lacking in social skills, or you enjoy making other people uncomfortable perhaps. I might forgive the first, but I'm not likely to forgive the second.

[Gohangr]

Originally Posted by reneeh63

I have no problem with people being emotional during an argument/ I mean, is it about determining whether a certain fact is correct? No, most times it's about something subjective and relationship-oriented and is based on emotion. Therefore it is appropriate to show emotion as long as you're not throwing things and being emotional/physically abusive. Cursing can be a way of expressing yourself so it is just as much a part of that as crying, etc.

An argument is about two people having different views and wanting to prove they are right.
Of course arguments are emotionally heated, but that's exactly why you need to remain calm and apply logic.
Because it shouldn't be about being right. It should be about understanding why something happened and to avoid being hurt from the same thing. Either by trying to understand each other, or by giving up.

When you are emotional you are very focused on yourself and depending on how big it is, you may be totally deaf to the other person.
But in an argument you have to be able to hear and understand the other person too.

Also, I just don't like cussing that much :P

[turkeydance]

"So that is why I would like to ask, does cussing show a lack of self-control?"
no. cussers have the control.

"Does cussing even just once means the person lacks self control and willpower?"
no. once is enough to demonstrate appropriate control or willpower.

"Is cussing in your opinion an appropriate way of expressing feelings?"
if it is directed toward Democrats, it has that possibility.

[movingvanmorrison]

I see it like this:
Cussing or using curse words is much more acceptable in our society now than it used to be. There has been a loosening up of standards regarding curse words over the past 20 years or so and you will notice that things like cussing and sex scenes and all kinds of things that used to be unacceptable are now acceptable.

There are still places and situations where most people who cuss, still, now, would not do it:
church, in front of a nun or priest, at school, and in public places where kids are, etc etc.


However, that said, being that it's in so much media now: radio, tv, games, etc, I think cussing is perfectly fine except in the type of situations I've mentioned above.



I think that people who are uptight about cussing in adult groups in social settings (not work, not church, etc) are just that: Uptight.

I personally don't like people who are so uptight about words and I don't like hanging out with them.


If I am with good friends I feel I should be able to talk freely and use whatever words I want. If a friend finds that objectionable, that's their problem. Maybe they are just too uptight to be a friend of mine then.


This happened in a group I used to get together with:



We were all male friends. But the male friend started bringing his new girlfriend. This girlfriend let it be known to another friend of mine that she was "uncomfortable" with my cussing among the group. Her boyfriend cussed himself when with us men, and we had never had a problem with it in our male group until he brought her in.



My other friend (NOT her boyfriend!) told me "Jenny doesn't like it when you cuss..." I was like "So what? If I can't be myself with my male friends any more than I just won't come to our gatherings any more." I expected to be told, "Oh no, you can come, of course. Just maybe try to tone it down some..."

But no, my friend seemed to think my not coming was the best idea, and she should be allowed to dictate policy, based on his reaction. So I just quit going.



My feeling was Why is this new "member" of our group - one woman among 5 men - dictating policy at "our" long-standing gatherings?
Why are my friends not telling her "If you don't like his cussing, then just don't come?" No. They seemed fine to let her dictate policy. I thought it was bulls**t so I just quit going, based on my friends siding with her and not with me. After that I didn't consider most of those friends good friends any more.



I just decided to quit going. If I have to control my language among my friends then I need new friends, and I told my friend that. They were fine with that arrangement so I lost a good group of friends. Their true colors showed that this new female member of "our group" was somehow more important than my longstanding "membership".

People that are so uptight about hearing certain words are too uptight for me to have as friends. I say "*)&$# 'em!"

[hitnmiss]

Beyond a couple light cuss words it tells me that person lacks confidence and needs to make a mark to impress. Trouble is it's a turnoff and they have no idea how ugly they sound to others who rank profanity on a pretty low scale. More maturity is needed.