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I rarely forgive crappy treatment, and I definitely don't forget it. Essentially, screw me (or my loved ones) over, and you're dead to me. If i came across you thirsty in the street and you, in the past, hurt me or my loved ones, I would walk by you and not give you a drink. I probably wouldn't even acknowledge you or glance your way. Dead to me.
That's definitely grudgeholding, but it's also not seething, all-consuming, eat at your soul, ever present rage at those who wronged you, either. It's writing people off and moving on, which can actually be very healthy.
I have yet to regret writing somebody who has dicked me over off, gotta tell ya.
I was in the office of a paper mill manager. On the back side of his door there was a sign:
Ignore some.
Forgive some.
Forget nothing.
Wise words. Some people hold grudges for years because they enjoy it. Some people drop their discontent when they walk out the door. However, if somebody lies to you, they have self identified as a liar and tat is useful information. You don't need to dwell on it, but forever more you know that person is a liar and you should bear that in mind every time the liar opens his mouth. Sometimes they actually tell the truth, but you can't be sure.
It’s never beyond our control to resolve it for ourselves (in terms of how we react or what we do).
You are correct, again..it is never beyond our control.
"Thought Control"...it can reprogram our subconscious mind, even.
Tape: You are so worthless, I wish you were never born, you're just like your stupid father.
To:
I am so loved by my Heavenly Father and He wants to give me everything I want...as the loving Father He is. This whole world was made for me. Ah, the Freedom!!!!
It’s never beyond our control to resolve it for ourselves (in terms of how we react or what we do).
It's really kind of semantics, though.
For some, the resolution IS cutting the other person off (to give one example). To others, cutting someone you feel has wringed you off is holding a grudge.
For some, the resolution IS cutting the other person off (to give one example). To others, cutting someone you feel has wringed you off is holding a grudge.
I don’t think ‘cutting a person off’ is necessarily holding a grudge (though I see your point); in many cases, it’s the rational thing to do. However, if one’s decision to ‘cut someone off’ is based in anger (and reacting) out of a state of pain, that’s a ‘grudge’ (and indicates the person hasn’t resolved their own feelings).
You are correct, again..it is never beyond our control.
"Thought Control"...it can reprogram our subconscious mind, even.
Tape: You are so worthless, I wish you were never born, you're just like your stupid father.
To:
I am so loved by my Heavenly Father and He wants to give me everything I want...as the loving Father He is. This whole world was made for me. Ah, the Freedom!!!!
Just an example off the top.
Yes, our control - we make a conscious choice of how we react or respond to any situation (and we restore balance). Psychology teaches us many things, Miss Hepburn!
I also remember everything really bad done to me. For 40+ years I carry this baggage. I cut people off or keep very formal relationships with them, if I can't avoid communications. No, I don't forgive and I don't forget. Most people I despise are living lives with such problems that I feel vindicated without acting on my desire of revenge. Some are dead. To those who are alive, I wish they suffer from hardships similar to what they made me suffer thru.
I, however, have way more good memories than bad ones. Maybe I just have too much room in my almost 24" box, so I store everything.
Live long enough, and you won't have any enemies.
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