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I have anger issues at this point and I have been a push over for most of my life and never wanted to stand up for myself. At 30 years old I finally told my boss to go **** himself and stop the bullying but i lost my job, so now i cant control my anger and i feel like i will never let anyone push me around or bully me again the problem is i know people in society and people even reading this may have zero respect for me but i did not feel comfortable ever standing up for myself until my 30s. I have been pushed so much i am now angry, depressed and my life is at rock bottom all because i finally stood up for myself
Yes, i have anger issues now
Yes i never stood up for myself and im a doormat/push over but i want to get help
I have anger issues at this point and I have been a push over for most of my life and never wanted to stand up for myself. At 30 years old I finally told my boss to go **** himself and stop the bullying but i lost my job, so now i cant control my anger and i feel like i will never let anyone push me around or bully me again the problem is i know people in society and people even reading this may have zero respect for me but i did not feel comfortable ever standing up for myself until my 30s. I have been pushed so much i am now angry, depressed and my life is at rock bottom all because i finally stood up for myself
Yes, i have anger issues now
Yes i never stood up for myself and im a doormat/push over but i want to get help
I dont care what you guys thnk i just need help
Are you in counseling? Anger and violence seems to be a trait that people on the spectrum struggle with. They can be very dangerous to others if they are not working on ways to control it. Scary.
Talk to a therapist about learning and becoming comfortable with grounding techniques or do some independent research.
Your life isn't at rock bottom BECAUSE you stood up for yourself. It's more likely that the way in which you chose to stand up for yourself was problematic. Many people with anger issues are like you, in that they have developed a pattern of suppressing their reactions to things like disrespect, and eventually cannot suppress them anymore. The resulting explosion causes far more problems than if they had developed strategies to productively address their frustrations instead of allowing them to build up to explosion.
Behavioral therapists can be helpful in guiding your toward productive strategies for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. It's a very common problem.
Are you in counseling? Anger and violence seems to be a trait that people on the spectrum struggle with. They can be very dangerous to others if they are not working on ways to control it. Scary.
They can.
Explosive rage can also be a symptom of the hypomanic end of bipolar disorder...some mania manifests as short fuse, inability to appropriately express frustration, and heightened irritability. Sometimes bipolar disorders get overlooked because people are looking for a more stereotypical presentation of the hypomanic symptoms.
It takes a really big person to admit that you need help. It is really painful to live life feeling like people are walking all over you and being afraid to stand up for yourself.
I also struggle with standing up for myself and I'm in therapy for it. One thing that I'm learning is there is a difference between being assertive and reacting like a cornered animal when you've been pushed too far. It sounds like your boss had been disrespecting you for a long time and you had just had it. Ideally, you want to get to the point to confront someone calmly when they first do something you don't like before you get to the boiling point. If you're like me, it's frightening to confront someone but it's better to be a little uncomfortable so that you can be in control of your emotions rather than to let your emotions control you.
It's really good that you are starting to take steps to change your life for the better. It does take time to change but it is well worth it.
Go to Amazon and buy the paperback book "When I Say No I feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith and read it cover to cover. You can even buy a used paperback copy for $5.44 with free shipping.
What this book taught me decades ago was you can stand up for yourself without losing your temper. You can keep people from taking advantage of you or bullying you at work, among family members, neighbors, etc. without raising your voice or blowing your top. In other words you can win without fighting if you know the right words and techniques to use which this book teaches you. It's about assertiveness, which is standing up for yourself without being pushy or abusive or violent.
Have I lost my temper at work and elswhere after reading this book, sure but I didn't yell and I didn't get fired or thrown out or damage relationships. I've found lowering your voice and giving them a Clint Eastwood squint works about 10x better than losing your cool. It really amounts to whether you want to stand up for yourself and win, or stand up for yourself and lose.
I know it seems like anger is the answer to not getting disrespected again, but not all people disrespect on purpose. Some simply don't know better.
They don't know what you have been through your whole life. They could just be normal people having a bad day.
Anger is a distraction from your real emotion. Sadness and disappointment. You don't need to feel ashamed of not standing up for yourself. Sometimes we feel paralyzed because we are shocked and afraid and don't understand what is happening.
As people have said, you could try going to a psychologist and talking about whatever is on your mind. It will help you get some perspective on your emotions.
I have anger issues at this point and I have been a push over for most of my life and never wanted to stand up for myself. At 30 years old I finally told my boss to go **** himself and stop the bullying but i lost my job, so now i cant control my anger and i feel like i will never let anyone push me around or bully me again the problem is i know people in society and people even reading this may have zero respect for me but i did not feel comfortable ever standing up for myself until my 30s. I have been pushed so much i am now angry, depressed and my life is at rock bottom all because i finally stood up for myself
Yes, i have anger issues now
Yes i never stood up for myself and im a doormat/push over but i want to get help
I dont care what you guys thnk i just need help
Not sure why you started this thread then...
I suspect you have more going on then " everybody bullies me".
I know it seems like anger is the answer to not getting disrespected again, but not all people disrespect on purpose. Some simply don't know better.
They don't know what you have been through your whole life. They could just be normal people having a bad day.
Anger is a distraction from your real emotion. Sadness and disappointment. You don't need to feel ashamed of not standing up for yourself. Sometimes we feel paralyzed because we are shocked and afraid and don't understand what is happening.
As people have said, you could try going to a psychologist and talking about whatever is on your mind. It will help you get some perspective on your emotions.
My situation was torture pretty much and i was not allowed to advance in this dept/company at all
I understand how competition works and if you have a large team but they still choose to give good projects to people who cant do them effectively (so they learn, however the problem here is they should have just let me work and use my special skills rather than cast me aside on pointless projects)
That's called business. If you are getting a paycheck you have to do whatever the bosses want, as long as it's legal, no matter how crummy the assignment is. But the issue is no matter how much justification you felt you handled it poorly. Did you find ways to voice your opinion or lobby for better assignments before the resentment reached a boiling point? On the job you have to find ways to earn respect from your bosses and co-workers. In fact the biggest thing to learn on the job along with actually performing the job is how to handle your bosses. One way to do that is to learn how to stand up for yourself without losing your temper. Another way is to figure a way to thwart their attempts to hurt you, if that is actually what they are doing, without losing your job, or else having a better one lined up and leaving on amicable terms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy777
My situation was torture pretty much and i was not allowed to advance in this dept/company at all
I understand how competition works and if you have a large team but they still choose to give good projects to people who cant do them effectively (so they learn, however the problem here is they should have just let me work and use my special skills rather than cast me aside on pointless projects)
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