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Totally disagree with #1 and many others on your list. I know lots of only children who are happy, healthy and socially well adjusted who have lots of friends and the ability to form healthy relationships with others.
Sounds like you have a low self esteem and could work on how you relate to others.
Maybe you're just not attracted to women and have not confronted or acknowledged that about yourself? Being in your mid 20s and not having ever dated is a little odd.
Makes me glad my high school kids are dating and have the ability to form relationships with others. There seem to be a lot of people struggling with that these days...
Why have I, a conservative, religious, straight 24-year-old guy never dated, and want to put off dating? Of course career and financial reasons come into play. But psychologically and relationally, here's why: I grew up without any sisters and I very seldom saw my aunts, female cousins, and grandma.
1. If you grew up as an only child or with only brothers, no sisters, and don't have extended family nearby, you will be socially impaired.
2. This social awkwardness will make it hard to make friends. Besides, other people already have their own families to hang out with, so they don't have time for you.
3. The only way out of this loneliness is to get married to a woman who is very nice and whose family is also very large and nice.
4. Only problem is, because you grew up with no sisters, you have a much harder time relating to women vs. men who grew up with sisters.
5. Because of this, practically all your friends are men. You find most women too girly. They are physically attractive but incredibly boring to talk to/spend time around with. You have zero desire to understand these girly girls, zero appreciation for their personality.
6. As a result, you would never want to be friends, much less get married with these girly girls. It's just too much work figuring them out. Marriage with them would be a disaster. Besides, understanding and appreciating the differences between male and female is key to a good marriage.
7. But you're simply too lazy and uninterested in appreciating/understanding the differences between men and women, so you're attracted to tomboys.
8. By tomboy, I don't mean a butch lesbian/dyke. She may have long hair and look quite physically feminine and attractive but she hates makeup and fussing around with her appearance. She likes guy's stuff and has a lot of guy friends.
9. Tomboys are the only kind of girl you would want to marry. They act like guys, so it takes out the guesswork of reading and catering to a woman's mind.
10. Unfortunately, tomboys who remain tomboys after puberty are rare, so good luck finding a wife.
Other side notes:
A. Guys are by nature socially awkward. At best, guys play basketball, play video games, or fix cars with each other--and don't say a word to each other. Actually, most guys are introverts and would rather play games or fix the car by themselves. It's only when you throw in women along with the guys do the guys start becoming more social. That's why guys with sisters have better social skills.
B. The male brain is very practical and frugal and we scoff at makeup and fashion as a huge, frivolous waste of time and money. We're very disciplined and decisive in our spending.
C. I'm no marriage counselor, but successful marriages are really 80% improving your own character, 20% communication skills, and 0% trying to convince/change your spouse. Because guess what? You can't change your spouse. It's your spouse who has to decide to change him/herself and improve. That's why it's incredibly important to make sure your prospective spouse is open-minded and self-introspective before you get married. Same goes for any friendship.
D. For whatever reason, some people assume that if you want to stay single all your life, you're immature and asocial. People stress that good marriages require good social skills.
Do you want to stay single all your life by choice? Or would like to be with a woman? Sounds like you want to be with a woman (why write this post) but can't because you don't know how to relate to a woman? Which is it?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,790,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrJester
Why have I, a conservative, religious, straight 24-year-old guy never dated, and want to put off dating? Of course career and financial reasons come into play. But psychologically and relationally, here's why: I grew up without any sisters and I very seldom saw my aunts, female cousins, and grandma.
1. If you grew up as an only child or with only brothers, no sisters, and don't have extended family nearby, you will be socially impaired.
2. This social awkwardness will make it hard to make friends. Besides, other people already have their own families to hang out with, so they don't have time for you.
3. The only way out of this loneliness is to get married to a woman who is very nice and whose family is also very large and nice.
4. Only problem is, because you grew up with no sisters, you have a much harder time relating to women vs. men who grew up with sisters.
5. Because of this, practically all your friends are men. You find most women too girly. They are physically attractive but incredibly boring to talk to/spend time around with. You have zero desire to understand these girly girls, zero appreciation for their personality.
6. As a result, you would never want to be friends, much less get married with these girly girls. It's just too much work figuring them out. Marriage with them would be a disaster. Besides, understanding and appreciating the differences between male and female is key to a good marriage.
7. But you're simply too lazy and uninterested in appreciating/understanding the differences between men and women, so you're attracted to tomboys.
8. By tomboy, I don't mean a butch lesbian/dyke. She may have long hair and look quite physically feminine and attractive but she hates makeup and fussing around with her appearance. She likes guy's stuff and has a lot of guy friends.
9. Tomboys are the only kind of girl you would want to marry. They act like guys, so it takes out the guesswork of reading and catering to a woman's mind.
10. Unfortunately, tomboys who remain tomboys after puberty are rare, so good luck finding a wife.
Other side notes:
A. Guys are by nature socially awkward. At best, guys play basketball, play video games, or fix cars with each other--and don't say a word to each other. Actually, most guys are introverts and would rather play games or fix the car by themselves. It's only when you throw in women along with the guys do the guys start becoming more social. That's why guys with sisters have better social skills.
B. The male brain is very practical and frugal and we scoff at makeup and fashion as a huge, frivolous waste of time and money. We're very disciplined and decisive in our spending.
C. I'm no marriage counselor, but successful marriages are really 80% improving your own character, 20% communication skills, and 0% trying to convince/change your spouse. Because guess what? You can't change your spouse. It's your spouse who has to decide to change him/herself and improve. That's why it's incredibly important to make sure your prospective spouse is open-minded and self-introspective before you get married. Same goes for any friendship.
D. For whatever reason, some people assume that if you want to stay single all your life, you're immature and asocial. People stress that good marriages require good social skills.
I’m an early 30s only child and I actually agree with a lot of what you say. But I do think you should force yourself in situations being social just to get practice with chatting up women. I entered the dating world serious at that same age and learning this was the most difficult part.
I think you should for a marriage counselor or a counselor to help you build your social stamina.
When you have more confidence in yourself, you may be able to attract what you desire more even if it's by chance.
Your criteria does sound kind of or very specific.
Part of being in a quality relationship is being open to others' differences.
Economics can be a factor, yes, but don't look at just that.
If you feel those (career, economic) are big factors, which they can be, then that would be a good short term goal to build up to.
LOL, OP maybe quite wise. Wait until you have the money of Bill Gates, then if you lose half, no big deal....
Whatever you do, pick somebody you actually like talking to. Somebody you actually like and would want to be around, even if there was no such thing as sex. Sex is the icing on the cake, not the cake.
Why have I, a conservative, religious, straight 24-year-old guy never dated, and want to put off dating? Of course career and financial reasons come into play. But psychologically and relationally, here's why: I grew up without any sisters and I very seldom saw my aunts, female cousins, and grandma.
1. If you grew up as an only child or with only brothers, no sisters, and don't have extended family nearby, you will be socially impaired.
2. This social awkwardness will make it hard to make friends. Besides, other people already have their own families to hang out with, so they don't have time for you.
3. The only way out of this loneliness is to get married to a woman who is very nice and whose family is also very large and nice.
4. Only problem is, because you grew up with no sisters, you have a much harder time relating to women vs. men who grew up with sisters.
5. Because of this, practically all your friends are men. You find most women too girly. They are physically attractive but incredibly boring to talk to/spend time around with. You have zero desire to understand these girly girls, zero appreciation for their personality.
6. As a result, you would never want to be friends, much less get married with these girly girls. It's just too much work figuring them out. Marriage with them would be a disaster. Besides, understanding and appreciating the differences between male and female is key to a good marriage.
7. But you're simply too lazy and uninterested in appreciating/understanding the differences between men and women, so you're attracted to tomboys.
8. By tomboy, I don't mean a butch lesbian/dyke. She may have long hair and look quite physically feminine and attractive but she hates makeup and fussing around with her appearance. She likes guy's stuff and has a lot of guy friends.
9. Tomboys are the only kind of girl you would want to marry. They act like guys, so it takes out the guesswork of reading and catering to a woman's mind.
10. Unfortunately, tomboys who remain tomboys after puberty are rare, so good luck finding a wife.
Other side notes:
A. Guys are by nature socially awkward. At best, guys play basketball, play video games, or fix cars with each other--and don't say a word to each other. Actually, most guys are introverts and would rather play games or fix the car by themselves. It's only when you throw in women along with the guys do the guys start becoming more social. That's why guys with sisters have better social skills.
B. The male brain is very practical and frugal and we scoff at makeup and fashion as a huge, frivolous waste of time and money. We're very disciplined and decisive in our spending.
C. I'm no marriage counselor, but successful marriages are really 80% improving your own character, 20% communication skills, and 0% trying to convince/change your spouse. Because guess what? You can't change your spouse. It's your spouse who has to decide to change him/herself and improve. That's why it's incredibly important to make sure your prospective spouse is open-minded and self-introspective before you get married. Same goes for any friendship.
D. For whatever reason, some people assume that if you want to stay single all your life, you're immature and asocial. People stress that good marriages require good social skills.
Too many up there. I'll say this, I was an only child, but I was raised around other children and we became like brothers... Also, I've had a lot of people tell me that I didn't seem like an only child. But...
A. It sure seems that way lately. However, the awkwardness that I deal with is more of a "craving" that they get when they see me.
B. Nah... In my case, I think make up is unnecessary, but I am often fascinated when I see certain designs in fashion.
C. I mostly agree...
D. I see a lot of that and the "You can't be happy if you're single." Unfortunately, there are those who have to learn to be happy single just because marriage or relationships are not in the cards for them. I do believe that good marriages do require good social skills among other things.
These days I think your biggest problem was stated in your opening sentence: "conservative, religious." Ask yourself what those things are doing for you, sound like nothing good. You want your prospective wife to be "open-minded" but conservatism and religion are fundamentally close-minded isms.
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