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I'm trying to understand the psychological profile of the following individual.
A relation of mine is completely, and consistently, a slob. He leaves towels on the floor (when an empty rack is present); leaves the shower curtain crunched in the corner (rather than closed, as it was found); leaves clothes wherever they drop -- never put in a closet or even folded on the bed.
- never makes the bed
- never puts dishes in the dishwasher -- leaves them in sink, if we're lucky
- cups and glasses found wherever last used, anywhere in the house
Long story short, his children also behave this way (the wife, too, but she generates less mess).
This has been going on for years and has had real, negative consequences. One mutual relation will no longer visit/ let them visit. The behavior has caused actual financial loss to another mutual relation, when orderly bills on a table were tossed aside onto the floor and then covered in clothes, where they got lost for weeks, causing expensive fees.
Everyone involved (the slob and the relations) are well-to-do, educated people. Everyone except the slob is fairly tidy. Everyone involved has a cleaning service (weekly or every two weeks). I am probably the most tidy of the whole group; I believe that rooms should be left like a clean hotel room whenever vacated. But this one relative, his behavior is so extreme. I wonder if there is something wrong upstairs, pardon the pun.
He probably thinks that his momma, GF or wife will do all that for him...
He clearly didn't get a proper upbringing. Do you know his parents? Are they the same?
That person finds no value in clean surroundings, that's it. He or she has their focus somewhere else. We all filter out some parts of reality, for them it's the order (or lack of it). That kind of person, if we don't want anyone to go insane, needs to live either alone, or with someone alike, or someone who tolerates this behavior and accepts (enjoys) the work around it. I want to believe it's as simple as that. I don't think any fight against that behavior would bring anything besides disappointment.
The parents are relatively tidy. One more-so than the other. Everyone is an adult and living in their own home, btw, don't know if I mentioned that upthread.
The slob is a sibling of mine, the other sibling and I are fairly tidy.
The parents are relatively tidy. One more-so than the other. Everyone is an adult and living in their own home, btw, don't know if I mentioned that upthread.
The slob is a sibling of mine, the other sibling and I are fairly tidy.
Don't feel too bad because I'm in the same situation and they live with me.
Like some have said they are oblivious to their surroundings.
Another trait I've found in this situation is the amount of disorganization in their life too.
maybe no one has asked him to? Maybe he doesn't care to?
There are a lot of people who don't get that this is problematic, first for the self and then for others.
Does he have positive attributes?
Is he a really easy person to open up to?
Do you think you could actually talk about this with him?
The parents are relatively tidy. One more-so than the other. Everyone is an adult and living in their own home, btw, don't know if I mentioned that upthread.
The slob is a sibling of mine, the other sibling and I are fairly tidy.
Sometimes that kind of thing can be a sign of ill health or depression. Any chance either might be the case, here?
I believe that rooms should be left like a clean hotel room whenever vacated. But this one relative, his behavior is so extreme. I wonder if there is something wrong upstairs, pardon the pun.
Your belief in blue is not shared and held by many people. It is a wildly strict expectation, to me. And close to an obsession and I think it to be out of proportion.
Your expectation is not fulfilled in millions of homes and apartments where people are not constantly tidying up, cleaning, and arranging upon leaving every room at all times and every evening at the end of each day.
Of course, it depends whether the person is a guest in the homes of others where he should be more strict with himself.
I find that both slovenly types & extremely tidy folks get under my skin in the worst way. No one keeps a museum quality home. No one should keep their home trashed. I could not live in such strict order or utter chaos. But some people can. My fiance leaves dishes in the sink, his dirty clothes on the floor rather than the laundry basket, and spots the bathroom mirror daily when brushing his teeth. I go behind him sometimes to clean up, but usually ignore most of it - except the dishes. That really ticks me off. So long as he doesn't wet the toilet seat, I'm happy. Plus, his dirty clothes are on his side of the bedroom. Maybe you should say something to your sibling. I would if mine were that way but fortunately, they aren't.
I'm trying to understand the psychological profile of the following individual.
A relation of mine is completely, and consistently, a slob. He leaves towels on the floor (when an empty rack is present); leaves the shower curtain crunched in the corner (rather than closed, as it was found); leaves clothes wherever they drop -- never put in a closet or even folded on the bed.
- never makes the bed
- never puts dishes in the dishwasher -- leaves them in sink, if we're lucky
- cups and glasses found wherever last used, anywhere in the house
Long story short, his children also behave this way (the wife, too, but she generates less mess).
This has been going on for years and has had real, negative consequences. One mutual relation will no longer visit/ let them visit. The behavior has caused actual financial loss to another mutual relation, when orderly bills on a table were tossed aside onto the floor and then covered in clothes, where they got lost for weeks, causing expensive fees.
Everyone involved (the slob and the relations) are well-to-do, educated people. Everyone except the slob is fairly tidy. Everyone involved has a cleaning service (weekly or every two weeks). I am probably the most tidy of the whole group; I believe that rooms should be left like a clean hotel room whenever vacated. But this one relative, his behavior is so extreme. I wonder if there is something wrong upstairs, pardon the pun.
I think its a combination of a couple of different things. First is just your base line of conscientiousness. In general the more conscientiousness you are the less likely you are to be a slob. The second aspect to it is depression. There are people who are normally fairly organized who when depressed stop taking care of themselves and thus act like slobs.
Lastly their is the effect of a part of our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) it keeps track of what we pay attention, when you decide to eavesdrop on different peoples conversations in room, its your RAS that allows you to selectively pay attention to one conversation but also ignore other conversations that you probably could hear if you wanted to. Well your RAS is the part of your brain that kind of controls what you pay attention to.
I have lived with people who were more organized than me and people who were much less organized than me. In my current house I have a junk drawer where I put stuff because I don't have a better place for it and I don't pay much attention to how cluttered that drawer is because its the junk drawer. The past roommate who was more organized than me would have been bothered by the general disorder of that drawer and might have put the rubber bands in a plastic bag and the paper clips in a jar and bundled all of the pens together with a rubber band. The old roommate who was more disorganized than me had an entire room, that she called her office that was as disorganized as my junk drawer. Her RAS didn't see any disorder in her office in the same way that my RAS just doesn't see the disorder in my junk drawer.
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