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I'm thinking too that it could be because so many people are unreliable, and for me the feeling of "When will they be here?" is often mixed with "Are they coming at all?" I do agree that anxiety plays a part in it, plus a lifetime of experience dealing with people. I guess that, until I see everyone I expected to see, I get anxious that the others somehow won't make it. I don't deal so well with not knowing.
Sounds like you have a need/want to control outcomes...forget it, the sooner you learn the easier life will be for you.
For me it's a combination of anxiety and this weird assumption that people should be on time, of if over 10 minutes late, at least call, ok maybe 15 minutes. I don't get it, I don't know where it came from. I get anxiety when I am late, like over the top anxiety, I feel guilty, shame, didn't plan well, yada yada. It's one of my "first world problems", lol that I cant shake.
I'm thinking too that it could be because so many people are unreliable, and for me the feeling of "When will they be here?" is often mixed with "Are they coming at all?" I do agree that anxiety plays a part in it, plus a lifetime of experience dealing with people. I guess that, until I see everyone I expected to see, I get anxious that the others somehow won't make it. I don't deal so well with not knowing.
So this is about a group of people?
If it's that group you lead that you've posted about so many times before, I'm thinking you may want to REALLY reconsider whether it's something that's actually beneficial for you to be involved with, or whether it's adding stress to your life.
If it's that group you lead that you've posted about so many times before, I'm thinking you may want to REALLY reconsider whether it's something that's actually beneficial for you to be involved with, or whether it's adding stress to your life.
Actually, I gave that group up two years ago for the very reasons you mention here. The stress began to far outweigh the benefits.
However, I'm currently involved in a class (presently meeting online for obvious reasons), where the same thing happens. I'm not the leader, so it's a different perspective, but it's another case where it's just better with more people and some weeks very few show up. I don't know why these types of situations keep following me around.
I also experience this when meeting friends or family at a restaurant.
However, it's occurred to me since I posted this that there are times where I don't experience it. It seems to be situational.
However, it's occurred to me since I posted this that there are times where I don't experience it. It seems to be situational.
Which situations bother you the most?
For me, it's when someone is coming to my house, whether it's contractors or friends and family. I'm not the kind of person who can do something else and be surprised by the doorbell. As it gets closer to the scheduled arrival time, I basically sit waiting and/or watching.
All other situations, I arrive at THE very last minute, so very little waiting around involved.
One is when I'm meeting several people at a restaurant and only some have arrived. This one could be because it creates uncertainty as to when to start ordering. Or because any conversations that begin are going to be interrupted as each additional person arrives.
Another, as I've mentioned, is in groups/classes where a larger-sized group is preferable, but where it's never clear who's going to be there any given week. It's very awkward when it's just 3 people and you're hoping for at least 6-8.
It occurs to me as I type this that it seems to depend on who else is waiting with me. I don't get apprehensive when waiting alone, or when everyone present has something to focus on. Maybe I get antsy because I project my discomfort onto the people waiting along with me.
I get anxious because I'm conscientious about being on time and I feel disrespected if others don't do the same. I've gotten better over time. The invention of the smartphone gives me something to do other than keep checking the window if I'm meeting someone. I also text them if they are 15 minutes late and ask if they are on the way, and how long? I don't want to sit there for 35 minutes on;y to find out they forgot, or something came up and they just didn't let me know. My husband has a saying "Courtesy before curiosity". It means be courteous and calling before I get curious what you are up to that's making you so late.
Anytime I get together with people (even virtually these days), I find that I'm unable to fully engage in what's going on so long as I'm expecting others to arrive. I can't really explain why. The reasons may vary depending on circumstances, but regardless of why, I'm the guy who's always glancing toward the door/window to see if the others are approaching.
Anybody else do this? Or understand why it might be such a big deal to me?
I do it, too.
I suspect it's why some people are always late; they don't want to be the one waiting.
It occurs to me as I type this that it seems to depend on who else is waiting with me. I don't get apprehensive when waiting alone, or when everyone present has something to focus on. Maybe I get antsy because I project my discomfort onto the people waiting along with me.
Maybe.
Or maybe you feel responsible for some reason for "entertaining" the other person while you wait? Or you feel more self-conscious about being in a "spotlight" rather than blending in when more people are there.
Anytime I get together with people (even virtually these days), I find that I'm unable to fully engage in what's going on so long as I'm expecting others to arrive. I can't really explain why. The reasons may vary depending on circumstances, but regardless of why, I'm the guy who's always glancing toward the door/window to see if the others are approaching.
Anybody else do this? Or understand why it might be such a big deal to me?
Yup! I'm the person who looks out my window 10 times a minute to see if the person has arrived. I'm totally the same way. Just anxious and impatient.
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