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What is it with people who won't answer a simple question? Another thread got me thinking on this. We're not talking about deep, earth shattering things, but simple things like routine work questions or even things like "what do you want for lunch?"
Most of use have experienced it. Something as simple as a group lunch becomes a chore because one or more people refuse to say what they want, but then complain about whatever the rest of the group picks. The conversation goes something like this:
What do you want to eat?
I don't know.
Group -- Let's get Italian.
I don't want Italian.
Group -- How about Chinese?
I don't want Chinese?
Group (getting frustrated) -- Hamburger? Deli down the street? What?
None of those.
Group (really frustrated) -- fine, we'll just order pizza. What do you want on it?
I don't know.
Maybe ask: can we order whatever we want? Often, it's just that they do not feel like it. I wouldn't read too much into it, it's just intellectual laziness at some point of the day.
There is a psychological concept called Paradox of Choice which states that the more choices a person is given, the harder the process will be. This is also known as Analysis Paralysis. I think it just boils down to many people responding better to a suggestion rather than a question. As in,
Where do you want to go?
It doesn't matter, I'll go anywhere.
vs.
How about we go to the diner?
Sure, sounds good.
This especially applies to picking a date to do something. Don't ever ask each person what date is good. Just make a suggestion and go from there.
It's funny you should bring this up, because I only give my friends limited choices. I don't ask,
"Do you want Mexican?"
I would ask simply:
"Do you want Mexican or Italian?"
That's it. They either pick or say they don't care, in which case I pick. If they say neither, I would then tell them they need to pick the place those are my two ideas. But no one does that, ever except my daughter. And she does pick a place when I tell her to do so. She's a lot like me.
Sometimes I think I am bossy and I ask them (one on one) about it. And most tell me they like it that I decide things. So be it.
My boyfriend always asks me where I want to go for dinner if we go out. I usually give two choices that I know he likes (I am less picky, so it's simply to defer to his tastes). He usually narrows the two down to the one he prefers. He feels like I picked a place, but it's also a place he likes so he's happy, which makes me happy. Win win for both of us.
Funny thing, I clicked on this thread because I thought it was more about something I noticed with my mom. She answer questions, but usually doesn't answer the question I asked. This weekend, when I was visiting I asked her if I should put ice cream I bought in the kitchen freezer or her garage freezer. She proceeded to tell me why she cleaned ice out of the freezer earlier because it was all stuck together, etc, etc, (but didn't tell me where to put the ice cream). I attribute that to her age and bad hearing.
What is it with people who won't answer a simple question? Another thread got me thinking on this. We're not talking about deep, earth shattering things, but simple things like routine work questions or even things like "what do you want for lunch?"
Most of use have experienced it. Something as simple as a group lunch becomes a chore because one or more people refuse to say what they want, but then complain about whatever the rest of the group picks. The conversation goes something like this:
What do you want to eat?
I don't know.
Group -- Let's get Italian.
I don't want Italian.
Group -- How about Chinese?
I don't want Chinese?
Group (getting frustrated) -- Hamburger? Deli down the street? What?
None of those.
Group (really frustrated) -- fine, we'll just order pizza. What do you want on it?
I don't know.
You must know my wife!
Seriously, though...I'm fine if that's the answer from anyone when I ask a question; however, don't get upset when I never ask for your input after you've said "I don't know" the last 5-10 times I asked.
I had forgotten this but I had a male coworker who was often childish about eating. We would drive a long way to a jobsite & he wanted breakfast from a certain place. GPS showed their only location several miles off the road, but other places near exits. I told him we had to stop somewhere close. He argued why can’t we go to his choice. I had to explain to a grown man that we needed to get to the job & were already behind. Sometimes he would agree to my choice & pout awhile about it, other times he would go without. He rarely packed a lunch though we were often far from places. Then he could complained about never having any money. Also bought cigarettes at convenience stores.
I am married to a person who habitually answers a different question than the one I have asked. I have no idea why. But it can be maddening.
When asking children what they want to do, or receive as a gift, or some such, I learned to offer two choices. The kid will pick one and there you go. When dealing with a demented person, offer two choices, giving the preferred choice last. This person will choose the last suggestion.
You can apply these to methods to life in general.
But I have no solution for dealing with someone who answers a different question than the one that has been asked.
This was fairly common in my social circle until recently. I used a roundabout way to nipping the indecisiveness in the bud. The conversation would go like this:
Me -- Let's decide on dinner. Any foods you can't or don't want to eat?
Friend 1 -- I had pizza for lunch, and you know I don't like fish.
Friend 2 -- No Chinese, no sandwiches.
Me -- Then how about Mexican? Neither of your refused that.
Friends -- Yeah, OK.
Or sadly, sometimes like this.
Me -- Let's decide on dinner. Any foods you can't or don't want to eat?
Friend 1 -- I had pizza for lunch, and you know I don't like fish.
Friend 2 -- No Chinese. No sandwiches, either, I want a hot meal.
Me -- Then how about Mexican? Neither of you refused that.
Friend 2 -- Too spicy.
Me -- Pasta?
Friend 1 -- Too many carbs.
Me -- Forget this! I'm getting takeout and eating at home.
I can see a joke coming on, where you open your mouth full of chewed food and saying: "See? Food!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
I am married to a person who habitually answers a different question than the one I have asked. I have no idea why. But it can be maddening.
When asking children what they want to do, or receive as a gift, or some such, I learned to offer two choices. The kid will pick one and there you go. When dealing with a demented person, offer two choices, giving the preferred choice last. This person will choose the last suggestion.
You can apply these to methods to life in general.
But I have no solution for dealing with someone who answers a different question than the one that has been asked.
Close again to justifiable homicide. Some people are determined to be difficult and enjoy it.
I'm glad I'm not like that & I'm glad that my fiance' & Mom who are the only people I'm really in contact w/ regularly aren't like that either. Anal people who don't go w/ the flow, or can't answer a simple question are a real PAIN & people shouldn't walk on eggshells or caters to their @$Se$.
OP, re: your "what's for lunch issue", the majority should rule & not cater to ONE anal, picky person, so after a couple of tries, the GROUP needs to say, "OK well, we're all getting this so since you don't want it, order your own food."
If someone can't handle a SIMPLE issue such as what to eat, you know how mentally draining it would be to have to deal w/ a person like that on a long-term basis about other in-depth topics? Ehh.
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