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One difference among men and women apart from physical differences is how their sexuality works. From reading women online and talking to women friends, it seems that none of them have ever been sexually attracted to a random man no matter how good looking whereas many of my male friends have gotten aroused by hot women they don't know.
It seems that women also have a clear boundary between friends, family members and partners that men are much more willing to cross. I also know a few people who have admitted being attracted to their relatives and unsurprisingly, they were all men. Also many male friends talk about fantasizing about female friends all the time whereas my female friends say they could never think about that.
Might it have to do with testosterone? Sex drive is influenced by this hormone and men have 10 to 20x the amount that women do.
Oh, I've felt sexual attraction for a number of men I've glimpsed in a museum or on the street, or even aboard an airplane. (Ah, hot pilot!) But, other than my exBF, I have never fantasized about any of my male friends, and I can't even force myself to despite having quite a strong sex drive.
I remember as a pre teen, getting a hold of a Playgirl magazine my Mom thought she had hidden properly under the seat of her car. It belonged to a friend of hers, she says. Regardless, I remember thinking how silly it was, and not understanding what the point was, except insofar as I was an artist and thought that some of the bodies in there would be good for practicing drawing the male figure.
I don't tend to experience any attraction just on sight of a man, that is, if he's just standing there, looking good. But! If he is demonstrating some kind of talent, or showing off charisma or social strengths or something... I could concoct a bit of interest. Certainly women have always gone for rock stars, despite not KNOWING them. (Though there is also the celebrity/fan thing of feeling like you "know" a famous person more than you really do, because you've consumed so much of their creative product.) A lot of men assume that's about money, but I don't think it's really that. I think that our wiring perceives strong genes in men who are talented or who hold positions of social power or leadership.
I believe that effect to be more powerful than looks.
I'm remembering in 2019, going to a Renaissance Festival and watching a band perform. And I observed with some interest that there was a guitarist who fit a normal set of traits that I have considered appealing to look at in a man, he was arguably the best looking guy on the stage. But the singer, who also played a drum he had strapped to his ample belly, was not as basically "good looking." However, the singer was rocking it, moving around a lot, engaging with the crowd, flashing a smile, jumping up and down...the guitarist was just standing there, boringly, playing. Everyone's eyes were on the singer, and I thought it was interesting that he struck me as the more attractive package deal, than the guitarist. I could not tell you which of them had the greater musical talent, they were both pretty good...but it was the SOCIAL POWER effect, that all eyes were on the singer, I think that is what made him the appealing one. Charisma.
I often dismiss the overly simplistic "evo-bio" take that everything about our partnering choices is this biological, breeding strategy, evolved thing...I do think that humans are more complex than that, and things like our experiences and upbringing do matter. But that doesn't mean that the evo-bio stuff has no place in the picture.
I can and have always been able to look at a man and think, "oh he's good looking," as much as I might admire a handsome horse running in a field or a well-confirmed dog or some such. Has nothing to do with attraction. It's more like, "If I liked you, it would be cool that you're good looking." That was true when I was much younger and it's true now. (Disclaimer- I was on match.com for all of three days and quit screaming before I got the, uh, personal photos, and also when I realized in my sparsely populated town and area, any fool could figure out where I lived. the end.
I have been sexually attracted to strangers but never stupid enough to follow through. I have been out with friends that would admit to being sexually attracted to certain men, but most (not all) refrained from action.
Take online dating off the table and I think most of us feel attraction before we will date someone. Consider that everyone is a stranger until we get to know them.
I have been sexually attracted to strangers but never stupid enough to follow through. I have been out with friends that would admit to being sexually attracted to certain men, but most (not all) refrained from action.
Take online dating off the table and I think most of us feel attraction before we will date someone. Consider that everyone is a stranger until we get to know them.
This. Women might be a bit more risk-averse, due to greater vulnerability than men.
But also, how often do particularly good-looking men cross our path? Not really that often. And how many good-looking men mess up their chances as soon as they open their mouth? Surprisingly often. What gets my attention more, is a great personality.
One difference among men and women apart from physical differences is how their sexuality works. From reading women online and talking to women friends, it seems that none of them have ever been sexually attracted to a random man no matter how good looking whereas many of my male friends have gotten aroused by hot women they don't know.
It seems that women also have a clear boundary between friends, family members and partners that men are much more willing to cross. I also know a few people who have admitted being attracted to their relatives and unsurprisingly, they were all men. Also many male friends talk about fantasizing about female friends all the time whereas my female friends say they could never think about that.
Might it have to do with testosterone? Sex drive is influenced by this hormone and men have 10 to 20x the amount that women do.
I don't think that's the slightest bit true.
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