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That's just...ugh. "Extroverts" can learn to appreciate not filling every moment with chatter and that silence is soothing and necessary to our souls?
Look, my daughter and I are both loners and introverted. My son and my ex are both extremely social, so I'm not really inclined to take one side over the other and dismiss view points out of hand. But I REALLY, REALLY wish people would stop with the idea that 'introverts' just need to learn how to be more social, as if somehow there is something inherently wrong with them and the way they prefer to function.
This isn't about filling every moment with chatter. It's not about being "extremely social", either. I've always been a bit of a loner myself, and shy in certain situations, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a few moments of banter, if someone wants to engage, or a funny comment tossed out while waiting in line somewhere, or whatever.
I cringe at compulsive talkers, but that's not what I would call "extroversion". Motor-mouth Syndrome is some kind of personality disorder, or sometimes a reaction to trauma or deep personal loss. It's not normal. Extroversion and introversion are within a spectrum defined as normal. Some introverts do enjoy an occasional pleasant exchange in public, or a social occasion of moderate duration. They're not any less introverted, because they socialize occasionally.
I hate small talk. I don't care having chats with strangers. I don't care if the supermarket bagger likes my shoes. I don't need to know my hair dressers drama. Superficial conversations in the elevator about NOTHING- no thanks. I don't need to talk about weather with anyone. Such a waste of breath. And I certainly don't make all this superfical chitchat part of my emotional well being.
I am already annoyed that I have to mingle at work to not be an outcast. I don't care about strangers or coworkers children or opinions. If I go to the gym, I don't care about making friends there. I go there to work out. Go in, work out, leave. Done.
Small talk is repeating over and over the same crap. Way too boring and really doesn't bring me further in life. I rather have silence or deep conversations with people who's opinion I care about. If I wait in line at a store, I don't need to become 10min friends with people around me. I don't see the point of it at all.
I only speak when I have something to say. I don't mind if I have friends who talk a lot. Because I care about them and their opinion. But strangers? No thanks.
Now, if I would go to a fundraiser with a specific topic that I am interested in and I can learn from people - count me in.
This isn't about filling every moment with chatter.
No, it's about applying stereotypes. The stereotype that introverts simply need to come out of their shell, the stereotype that extroverts can't shut up.
That will come back. Close to 1/3 of the population has been vaccinated at this point. In just a few weeks, that will probably double, as access to all the vaccines is opening up, states are running mass-vaxx drive-in events, and so on. People are chaffing at the bit to get back to socializing. In my town, I notice coffee shop activity is getting back to normal, for those locations that have outdoor seating, and restaurants are partially open.
People are eager to get back to normal. Some of these same people will engage in conversation as the occasion arises spontaneously. People haven't lost their humanity; far from it, in my observation.
I engage is small talk when the occasion warrants. I don’t mind doing it. But I don’t miss it now.
Sometimes when engaging with a stranger, you can learn interesting things. Very occasionally, you can hear a piece of wisdom. I think you have to be receptive. But mostly, small talk is filler.
Introverts can learn to appreciate small talk and come out of their shell a bit, especially when small talk ends in a shared laugh, or other bit of cheer, or as Lodestar expressed so well in her post above--a few minutes of connection with other humans over a mutual interest in plants segueing into sharing bits of their lives. Moments like that remind everyone of their shared humanity. This helps boost spirits, especially in challenging times, like what everyone's been through with Covid.
No, it's about applying stereotypes. The stereotype that introverts simply need to come out of their shell, the stereotype that extroverts can't shut up.
Introverts don't "need" to come out of their shell. They can if they want. Some do when they feel like it, some don't. There's diversity among introverts.
Introverts don't "need" to come out of their shell. They can if they want. Some do when they feel like it, some don't. There's diversity among introverts.
This myth needs to die, especially in the Psychology forum.
There can be many reasons a person is shy and withdrawn but being an introvert is not one of them. Some introverts may be shy and withdrawn but it's for other reasons, psychologically speaking.
I hate small talk. I don't care having chats with strangers. I don't care if the supermarket bagger likes my shoes. I don't need to know my hair dressers drama. Superficial conversations in the elevator about NOTHING- no thanks. I don't need to talk about weather with anyone. Such a waste of breath. And I certainly don't make all this superfical chitchat part of my emotional well being.
I am already annoyed that I have to mingle at work to not be an outcast. I don't care about strangers or coworkers children or opinions. If I go to the gym, I don't care about making friends there. I go there to work out. Go in, work out, leave. Done.
Small talk is repeating over and over the same crap. Way too boring and really doesn't bring me further in life. I rather have silence or deep conversations with people who's opinion I care about. If I wait in line at a store, I don't need to become 10min friends with people around me. I don't see the point of it at all.
I only speak when I have something to say. I don't mind if I have friends who talk a lot. Because I care about them and their opinion. But strangers? No thanks.
Now, if I would go to a fundraiser with a specific topic that I am interested in and I can learn from people - count me in.
I guess you were not in demand at dinner parties. A dinner party is the mother ship of small talk. First with the person on one side and then with your other neighbor. I find it's a nice way to meet people and acquire tidbits that are interesting. Many people have hobbies about which I know nothing. It's interesting when an enthusiast can talk about that which he is enthused.
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