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How long to wait for someone that is late? What about someone that is habitually late, does it make a difference?
Some people are on time or early when meeting someone/appt's, etc. Then there's the on time person that just happened to run across something that made them late. Then there's the habitually late person, always shows up late without any consideration for the person waiting for them, they do not offer an apology.
I have usually been an either little early or on time person, of course, there has been times where I've been a few minutes late. Being a few minutes late for me is not ok, it's automatic I offer an apology.
It really says a lot about a chronically late person, rude and inconsiderate.
I'm the early/on-time person all the time for pretty much everything (meeting a friend, dr appts, etc.)
My "method" for meeting a friend or waiting for a hairstylist to arrive at the appointed location (back when I had to do this) has been...when I've arrived, I'll text them stating, "I'm here" (because I've always arrived there first).
For those who send a reply back...
If they say they're 20-30 min or less away, then no problem! I'll wait. Actually if it's more than 20-30 min, I'll probably wait, but be a tad annoyed inside.
When it gets to be 35-40+ min that they're away, I'll decide if I still want to wait based on what I still have to do that day.
If they don't even reply back when I text them stating, "I'm here"...
I'll text/call them about 2-3x's every 5 min & if still no answer after 30 min, I'll say that I'll have to leave OR say how many more min I can wait.
For habitually late people, I've never had to deal w/ that personally & if I see that they're going to be that way, I won't even bother because this shows they don't respect my time so it's not going to be any fun contiuining to wait for someone who may or may not come, etc.
I don't know if my way's considered strict or whatever, but it's worked for me when I did it & the few friends I've had to meet were pretty much there soon. I've never had to leave on a friend.
I did walk out on a hairstylist who I had an appt w/ once long ago who was about 40 min late & I had been trying to reach them repeatedly along w/ having the hair salon help me try to reach them too. When the stylist moseyed on in w/o a care in the world & no apology to me, I walked out & drove off as they then tried to catch me out the door. I never returned to that hairstylist again. (I think I had gone to that person 2-3xs before.)
Last edited by Forever Blue; 05-26-2021 at 11:23 AM..
The thing I find the most annoying is that the late person just "assumes" the person they are keeping waiting will just continue to wait ?!
Sometimes I have asked, are you an on time person or late? The person that says I'm usually late, I have responded, ok well thank you for being honest, it's best that we don't meet.
A Co-worker of mine was an habitually late person and he would always be 15 mins exactly late every time.
He would call meetings and the rest of us would show up on time but we started calling his meetings "Mann time" because his last name was Mann. He was always 15 mins late to his own meetings so eventually all of us knew that if it was his meeting that the rest of us didn't need to be there till 15 mins after he called for the meeting to start.
Fifteen minutes would be too long for me to wait, unless it was a someone that ran in to something unexpected that couldn't be helped. It would depend if I would now wait that long.
I usually tell new acquaintances, "I'll wait 20 minutes for anyone, but 21 minutes for no one." And then I stick to that, unless something truly emergent has come up. I can't stand habitually late people--seems like passive-aggressive behavior to me.
15-30 minutes, depending on who it is. I hate being late and never make people wait. If I'm even 5 minutes late, I'll text or call. That's just me, evidently.
The thing I find the most annoying is that the late person just "assumes" the person they are keeping waiting will just continue to wait ?!
Sometimes I have asked, are you an on time person or late? The person that says I'm usually late, I have responded, ok well thank you for being honest, it's best that we don't meet.
Everyone can get delayed for a multitude of reasons. Considerate people do what they can to inform the person waiting for them or at least apologize. Chronically late people are a different matter. Being late is just a symptom of a larger problem. They may be a disorganized person who has never learned how to deal with time. In a way they are still a child. Other chronically late people are manipulators, control freaks. They don't care about anyone but themselves. Its more than mere rudeness.
I had a dear friend many years ago who was chronically late for almost everything. It was hard to be angry with him because he was a generous, kind, friendly person about everything else. He always felt terrible when he'd made someone else wait for him, apologetic, contrite. He was never rude (other than keeping people waiting) or unpleasant to anyone. I viewed him as one of those people who had no sense of time, couldn't prioritize tasks, couldn't resist getting sidetracked. Disorganized to the core of his being. People who knew him soon learned not to count on him for anything time related. If he would need to be somewhere they gave him a different deadline than everyone else. They also stopped expecting him to be on time and set plans that didn't depend on him showing up. If he showed up great. If not, oh well better luck next time.
I grew up with a sibling who was also chronically late. But, she kept people waiting for completely different reasons. She didn't respect others and resented being held to any schedule except hers. She was mouthy, unpleasant and snotty about it. Stamping around, slamming doors, blaming it on the people waiting. People learned to handle her differently. If she didn't show up on time for something there were consequences. Deadlines were exactly that...no accommodation given. She would be penalized in some way. She'd miss rides, miss out on activities when no one would wait for her. She ended up alone, left out. She only had herself to blame. Not sure if anything made a difference because being late was just a symptom of something deeper than she had to change for herself.
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