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For my entire upbringing I had really bad Social Anxiety. It greatly impacted my social life and activity level. I would always get very nervous and uncomfortable in social situations and around other people. Because of this I had a hard time building friendships and socializing.
As a child I never wanted to play with other kids in the neighborhood because I was too afraid to do so. When I was in school, I never hung out with anyone outside of school. I just went to school and came home everyday. I didn't have a social life, I had no friends outside of school, I didn't work, I participated in no activities, etc.
I went to college fresh out of high school. I spent 3 years there. I didn't finish. I was studying Biology. I struggled in my classes. I ended up losing my scholarships because I couldn't maintain the GPA requirement to keep them.
When I was in college, I did not have the "college experience". I spent most of my time in my dorm. I did not really socialize with anyone or make any friends. My mental health still wasn't in the right place. I was still struggling with Social Anxiety.
I left University and rounded up an Associate's degree from my local community college. I began working in a cafe. I've been working here now for almost 2 years. It's my first job. I put off working for a while because of Social Anxiety. I'm currently making $16.00 an hour and I work full-time. I have $5,000 saved up in my savings account and $2,371 in my checking account.
I've went to go speak to a therapist to work on my Social Anxiety and other issues I was dealing with. I started attending private driving lessons through a driving school and got my license at the age of 22. I also had anxiety about driving which is why I got my license late.
My job has given me good exposure to people and socializing. I feel a little more comfortable around people now than I did in the past. I also have to just give credit to growing, maturing, learning, and developing coping strategies. I feel like I've come a long way and I'm still making improvements. I'm still trying to work on building friendships and having a social life outside of work.
However, I look back at my past and I have so many regrets. I missed out on having a fun childhood. I missed out on having a fun high school experience. I missed out on having the "college experience". Those years are supposed to be the golden years of your life. I'll never get that time back. I'm getting older. I'll be 24 in a few months.
Social Anxiety robbed me of all of this. I decided at around 21-22 that I'm not going to allow this condition to affect my life any longer, which motivated me to start making changes.
I just wish I would've started making changes sooner in my life.
Sorry for the long post but I felt like I needed to vent.
The more time you spend regretting your past, the more it impairs the present and future.
Whatever shaped me, good or bad, I’ve made peace with because, I’m happy with who I am now. You’re going in the right direction and are developing into the adult you want to be, so keep looking forward. Your life is just beginning.
You feel like this at 23?? Oh, you're really going to have a rough time when you hit 30... 35... 40... and older.
You are still of the age where the world is made for you, when people expect you to live your life and have fun. So, go and stop "wasting" it if you're able. Before you get to the age where the world is no longer created for your age group and people will expect you to be settled down and saddled with a spouse, children, mortgage, dream job, and will look at you sideways if you want to do anything else.
How about reframing the story of your life? Learn about that now and you won't spend so many years beating yourself up. You don't want to end up hauling around a bag of forty years worth of negativity around with you.
We all have - here's that forbidden word - handicaps. And we don't know what they are. As we experience life we make mistakes mostly based on how much self-knowledge and world knowledge we have at that time. At first we don't have very much of either.
If we are open to understanding something happens eventually to help us understand why we made the mistake and how to avoid doing it again.
This business of reframing requires honesty to yourself - being able to admit when you caused yourself a problem but also not considering yourself a hopeless mess because sometimes you fail. It's a balance and virtually everyone needs to find that spot to be mentally healthy.
So I would start saying, "No wonder my youth was so difficult. I had no idea that I had social anxiety. Isn't it good I know that now and have some solutions? I did pretty well considering I was working under a handicap." Those sorts of positive things. They are just as real as your struggles.
The next time you learn something about yourself, the growing and developing you, used the same positive method. Reframe yourself as someone who is getting better and better at understanding himself and his world.
Remember, you are not competing with anyone else. You are competing with who you were yesterday. Are you improving or letting his bad habits and negative thoughts defeat you? Why bother? You're already one day more knowledgeable than he is.
LOL. I hated high school and couldn't wait to leave. Call me a "Won't." Paradigm being: the Wills, the Won'ts, and the Can'ts. The Wills accomplish everything, the Won'ts oppose everything, and the Can'ts won't try anything. Not sure about the social anxiety part, more of a "I have no idea what you're talking about... and don't care too much." Too bad you were...anxious.
24 is not "old." I looked back in at my diaries and I said the same thing at 24. I'd lived fairly well, with a good college experience away from home and a solid sheepskin in STEM. And a professional position at that point, living in CA and if not wealthy then doing okay. Too bad all that didn't pan out for you.
Bottom line is now is the time to turn it around. My dad was a little disappointed I hadn't started grad school yet, and here's one for you: I did that at 39. Done by 41. Later than ideal, maybe. Better than never? Definitely! The monetization of that will be about an extra two million bucks over and above what I'd have otherwise earned by the time I retire. So, hope that tells you something about starting to turn it around NOW, as in today. Just get going: don't get mad, get even. Make a better choice about professional career options moving forward.
At some point you must learn how to draw a line under the past, acknowledge it, and file it away. No matter how young or old you are, you can't go back and change one second. Sitting around rehashing it or moping over all the bad stuff that happened isn't productive. Who wants to brand themselves as a perpetual victim? Some things in the past happened to you and some things happened because of you. Own what you need to own or you won't learn a thing from it.
IMHO, the best thing you can do with the past is use it to shape the future. As for "wasting your youth"...you'll find that your definition of youth is a moving target. IMHO 23 is sitting on the cusp of adulthood. Wait until you look back on 60 years. Your perspective will be a lot different.
Seriously, hindsight is 20/20 and I'm sure everyone has wished they made a few different choices in their past. We do the best we can with the information that we have at the time.
You can't change the past. You can move on and optimize your future.
I look at my lifetime, and I've had periods of "yuck" and others of "yahoo". My late teens were great, most of the time between 20-45 not so much, had a brief period of enjoyment 45-50, then 10 years of mostly "blah", and the last 10 years since I turned 60 have been awesome for me. I've sailed oceans in storms, hiked mountains in four different countries, hunted for deer, ducks and moose, met the love of my life,
Things change. Statistically I will die in the next 12 years, and I will make sure I don't regret anything from now to then. If they are as good as the last 10, bring 'em on!
You working in a restaurant is awesome in dealing with your anxieties! Others have said it, your young. My philosophy throughout my life was when I was down or things were going badly, I figured they would get worse, but THEN, they would get better. That way I was never disappointed when they did get worse, and they always, always got better eventually.
I think you already are seeing them improving. They will, and you will learn how to live your best life for YOU. Good luck!
You're still *in* your youth. I'm 74, and thirty years ago a wise person told me: our lives are like fabric, and we can't start picking at the threads that are a color we don't like because of we remove them, the whole thing falls apart. I wouldn't like today hanging around the person I was at 23 -- I wasn't a very pleasant person. But I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't had the experience of being him. That includes over two decades spent as a bitter and fearful drunk.
Cherish your past, because it's important to who you are today and (trust me) will be important who you will become in the future. The Japanese have an art form called kintsugi -- putting together broken pottery with gold. By embracing the flaws and brokenness in the piece and glorifying them with gold, we come to realize that in the process of repairing broken things, something unique and beautiful is created, something stronger than the original piece that was broken.
“There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
-- Leonard Cohen
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