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I am 67, he is 70. During the last year my spouse has been Johnny-on-the-spot in getting the mail. I have asked if I could go fetch the mail instead but he always has an excuse why he has to do it.
Recently I discovered he had been withholding a letter from the California Department of Tax and Fee Administration. I sell online, so I had a seller's permit for California, which at the time was still our legal residence. CDTFA collects sales tax from permit holders like me. He had had this letter for a FULL YEAR before I ever saw it. Meanwhile I was getting emailed threats from the CDTFA. They were telling me if they didn't hear from me they would fine me $5,000 for every sale I made online. I had many sleepless nights.
That wasn't all.
He uses our guest house/casita as a sort of clubhouse even while he lives in the main house with me. I was over in the casita and noticed a letter in my mother's handwriting. It was a birthday card and he had been sitting on it for 7 months. "I was wondering what that card said," he remarked. I doubt he would have ever given it to me.
There's a fifteen foot long table in the casita completely covered with stacks of mail and papers. Junk everywhere. I've known for a long time he was a hoarder. I've told him I'm going to go through every stack when we return to Scottsdale.
What kind of mental dysfunction makes a person think that stealing someone else's mail to hoard is perfectly sane and reasonable?
At this point it really doesn’t matter. From reading your different threads the marriage no longer works. You either have to put up with strange behavior or leave. People stay for many reasons such as financial or fear of being alone. Personally I am much happier with living alone even though my income was cut in half and I downsized from a house to a condo. My blood pressure is much lower and when I talk to friends experiencing conflicts with spouses I am happy that’s no longer me. Luckily I have good friends and my adult kids so not lacking company. I wish you all the best in whatever path you take.
Your husband needs to see a doctor. You reported about his bizarre behaviors several months ago. He is displaying some age related mental changes and needs help.
Your husband needs to see a doctor. You reported about his bizarre behaviors several months ago. He is displaying some age related mental changes and needs help.
I agree, though I'm at a loss to know what kind of doctor. When we were on the verge of a divorce, I had him go see a psychologist. He had five or six sessions but that did no good. He claimed the therapist told him there was nothing wrong with him. I doubt very much the therapist would have said that if my spouse had been truthful about his issues. That's another problem: He lies. I believe he told the therapist he was only upset about his wife leaving him.
All psychiatrists are good for these days is medication and he will never agree to taking meds.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 06-04-2021 at 04:53 AM..
People wonder why I'm still with my spouse. Tallysmom, talking about her late husband, said it best:
Quote:
I will always love him. He was an amazing man who loved me and cherished me. He just had this one really big failing. Do you know that anger people talk about when someone dies? My anger was focused on the stuff. That’s where it came out. I am now over that. It’s simply a fact that I need to deal with and I deal with it.
I didn't think anyone would ever love me. And then he came along.
People wonder why I'm still with my spouse. Tallysmom, talking about her late husband, said it best:
I didn't think anyone would ever love me. And then he came along.
But he's changed into someone who seems to wish you ill-will, or at least acts in that manner. You need to love yourself first and foremost. If he were dead, or you were divorced, who else would love you?
It sounds as though he should probably be evaluated for dementia, although it's not easy to force him to do that.
Meanwhile, you can go online wo the USPS site, rent a Post Office box, and file a change of address form. You should do that at least for your own mail, and possibly for everyone in the household if he's getting bills he's not attending to.
I would also set up automatic electronic bill pay for all the household bills so that nothing gets missed because of mishandling of the mail.
I agree, though I'm at a loss to know what kind of doctor. When we were on the verge of a divorce, I had him go see a psychologist. He had five or six sessions but that did no good. He claimed the therapist told him there was nothing wrong with him. I doubt very much the therapist would have said that if my spouse had been truthful about his issues. That's another problem: He lies. I believe he told the therapist he was only upset about his wife leaving him.
All psychiatrists are good for these days is medication and he will never agree to taking meds.
Fluffy, you would benefit from a therapist yourself to guide you through this, even if he won't go.
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