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There are many fields where drinking heavily is expected/common. You have been lucky. Some people are not. AA may provide a good support system for these people. Often they may meet people in their field who are also recovering and build a support network that way.
I'm kind of surprised he keeps touting AA when most people who attend meetings and eventually start drinking again.
"“Peer reviewed studies peg the success rate of AA somewhere between five and 10 percent,” writes Dodes. “About one of every 15 people who enter these programs is able to become and stay sober.”"
And here's the deal. That evidence isn't a statement of failure. What it actually is is a statement of how pernicious the condition of alcoholism is. Even with help and support it's very difficult for many to keep from returning to drinking. Most of those people will eventually die of the condition, usually alone and in emotional and physical pain.
Because Stanford University has done a definitive study, one I trust because it is not associated with the treatment business. Some of those raise my eyebrows. And it indicates that despite all its shortcomings and failures AA at present is the best solution so far to addictive drinking.
People who have managed with help to break the cycle of denial can act a little fanatical about a substance that they know can lead to such pain, loss and early death. I get that.
Maybe look at it like this - a whole grade school of kids who are not allowed to eat peanut butter sandwiches at lunch or a whole airplane of paying customers who don't get their complimentary package of nuts just in case someone on board may have a nut allergy.
Because the first drink starts with a thought. It goes like this - "Well, I've been sober a long time now and learned a lot. Maybe I'm not alcoholic anymore. Besides it looks good and everybody else is doing it. I'm only going to have just a little teensy bit. I won't do it again tomorrow, of course."
I've been a member of AA for almost thirty years. It can be a very insular society with its own language and culture. There are those like your ex-boyfriend who've built their entire lives around the program and this causes some to have difficulty getting along with others both in and out of AA.
Is it possible that people like this are actually 'jealous' of non-alcoholics because we can drink a couple of drinks and stop? Are they jealous that they are different?
My experience ha shown AA members such as your ex-boyfriend aren't jealous but take an annoying high moral ground position. They are right/You are wrong.
I used a recovery forum online and interacted with people using AA and people using other methods or no method like I was. I thought I was having a negative reaction to AA but it was the narcissistic people talking about it. 30% of addicts have serious underlying mental health problems that can only be managed. I had one guy tell me I wasn't an alcoholic and a couple more tell me I wasn't a "real alcoholic" for some odd reason.
I have an ex-boyfriend who was between 2 and 3 years sober while I was with him. I didn't drink around him out of respect for THE STRUGGLE. Apparently you fail to realize just how difficult it is for some alcoholics to stay sober. Therefore, I think your post is arrogant.
Once we broke up, I drank again. (He had a very good nose so could even smell it if I drank a beer or a glass of wine out of his presence.) I do admit that I got tired of not drinking around him, but in no way did I think I was being controlled.
I do agree that your ex is way too pushy and needs to shut up. He needs to stop socializing with normies if he can't handle their drinking or partaking. My understanding is that alcoholics are not supposed to be in a situation where there is drinking going on. So there's that.
Why are you still hanging out with this guy? It seems to me you both like conflict.
Speaking of my experience only, I want nothing to do with alcohol ever again. People can drink around me and it doesn't tempt me. My husband has had the same three beers in the refrigerator for months now. Drunks annoy me like I'm sure they do most people. I wouldn't want to hang out with people if drinking was the main event just like I wouldn't hang out with someone discussing sports stats because it's not a fun time for me.
The first six months were a struggle as I learned to accept my drinking days were behind me. I would say that someone still dealing with cravings or urges years into recovery has something going on.
I think the problem here is most people don't understand how addiction works for people who are genetically pre dispositioned to be addicts, it has been proven that the brain of an addict(the kind that are genetic, not the ones medicating trauma) works differently, drugs, booze, sex, gambling does not give them a dopamine rush, it's more of a flood. at the same time their dopamine levels are actually lower than the average persons when they are not doing drugs, booze, sex or gambling or what ever triggers their happy chemical flood.
So once they get free of their drug of choice they can't so much as be around it because they will always crave it.
Funny thing is the addiction gene is actually a beneficial gene if the person never is exposed to gambling, drugs or booze, they are the ones that make employee of the month 2 years straight or in the past would make it from the mailroom to the boardroom in 10 years or become supermom/dad etc etc
That's why alot of the old timers(people with 10+ years of clean time) in the AA/NA room's are driving brand new cars and trucks and have big houses, because the energy, resourcefulness and creativity, they used to devote to "chasing the dragon" is now getting channeled into chasing a paycheck at work.
But sadly they are all one setback or disappointment away from "going back out", so the most dangerous time in their recovery is when they have gotten their life together for a few years and are no longer "white knuckling it" because when "life happens" like a divorce, job loss, family issue etc etc they will run right back to their old friend(the bottle, needle or what ever).
That said, my sister dated a recovering alcoholic for a while, if we went out to dinner, he would encourage us to have a glass of wine with dinner, he said, he wouldn't feel truly over his addiction, if he had to stop others drinking. He went to weddings & other events were alcohol was served & stuck to the sodas. I imagine it will vary by individual.
My ex boyfriend was a recovering alcoholic and addict (every drug known to man) and has 9 years sobriety and he is very dedicated to the AA Fellowship. He attended at least 5 meetings a week (3 were AA and 2 were Alanon). This was in 2017. This past year it has dwindled down to 3. He often chairs the meetings, and is well known in the AA community in our area.
He has been going to Alanon for 9 years. He still enables his son. He is extremely judgmental and nobody likes to be around him on the weekends because he doesn't drink, and doesn't like anyone else to drink. Even if it's a beer or two watching Football. I had TWO Smirnoff wine coolers and he accused me of "slurring my words"...
If I mentioned anything about my friends or family members he would automatically say that they were taking pills or alcoholics and they needed AA. He said that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that a person can beat drug addiction without going to AA. He assumes that everyone is an addict or alcoholic for no reason.
Is it possible that people like this are actually 'jealous' of non-alcoholics because we can drink a couple of drinks and stop? Are they jealous that they are different?
Interesting question, my dad was heavily involved with AA for many years and it helped him but it might not work for everyone.
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