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If you speaking of the posters speculating that the BIL might be neurodivergent, wondering that is not saying there's anything wrong with him. It's an explanation of why he might be processing the situation differently, and positing that he needs X in a room that's bombarding him with Y.
it is very much saying something is wrong with him. "Neurodivergent refers to an individual who has a less typical cognitive variation such as Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia." those are neurological disorders.
that is very different than "extrovert" and "introvert"
I do not have autism or any neurological condition and I, like your brother-in-law, just detest that sort of conversational style. I know that to people who like it, are accustomed to it, it seems lively and sociable and so forth. To me it seem rude and chaotic and shallow. I have one part of my family (in laws/niece/nephew) who talk like this. It's all interruptions all the time. I avoid them in larger gatherings when I can, I certainly stay fully out of the conversation when I can't avoid them. I love them as people, but find one-on-one with them to be infinitely more pleasurable.
It is interesting here that people who like this manner of conversation so quickly assume people who don't are somehow afflicted with neuro issues. Maybe they just don't like it because they grew up in a setting where other people actually listen attentively when someone else is speaking.
what is it about these situations you hate? I can not relate but want to. i could sit in a room of ten people talking, with a radio playing, and could be texting someone all at the same time.
a. i'm curious what is your age.
and
b. do you have any awareness at all of the many ways it is problematic to interrupt, talk over people, and not listen to another when they are speaking?
if you "want to relate" that would be a good place to start.
a. i'm curious what is your age.
and
b. do you have any awareness at all of the many ways it is problematic to interrupt, talk over people, and not listen to another when they are speaking?
if you "want to relate" that would be a good place to start.
Families have a kind of 'family culture' which may or may not relate to their ethnic, regional, or religious culture. Even in the loudest cultures you'll find people and families that have developed a quieter, more measured manner of conversation. And in quieter, more measured cultures you'll find people and families that are more raucous, louder, with more cross-talking. So I'm not suggesting any of this OP's situation is cultural in the sense of demographic groups, but there is conversational culture and people grow up in it. My family did not do cross-talk. It was considered to be rude. I feel like it quickly devolves into people just talking to hear themselves talk, just an arena of simultaneously expressed opinions on whatever the topic is. All about talking, not about listening. For me, that is ultimately just really boring.
I developed some tonal issues in the last few years and ambient noise makes it difficult to hear even the person next to me. However I’ve never enjoyed the type of conversation the op described. I enjoy one on one conversations. I have no neurological conditions, am not on any spectrum and am not an introvert. Why people think that there is something possibly wrong with the bil is astounding to me, he just enjoys a different type of conversation.
Families have a kind of 'family culture' which may or may not relate to their ethnic, regional, or religious culture. Even in the loudest cultures you'll find people and families that have developed a quieter, more measured manner of conversation. And in quieter, more measured cultures you'll find people and families that are more raucous, louder, with more cross-talking. So I'm not suggesting any of this OP's situation is cultural in the sense of demographic groups, but there is conversational culture and people grow up in it. My family did not do cross-talk. It was considered to be rude. I feel like it quickly devolves into people just talking to hear themselves talk, just an arena of simultaneously expressed opinions on whatever the topic is. All about talking, not about listening. For me, that is ultimately just really boring.
Yes, that is not unusual at all. I know my sister and nephew are both overwhelmed when they spend time with my BIL’s family. They are much louder and more boisterous, while my sister, BIL, and nephew are generally very quiet and subdued. My family is also quiet and subdued. I know a lot of neurological people who simply don’t like attending events with loud people or events with a lot of people. My guess is that the BIL is simply not comfortable in that environment and doesn’t like situations where people interrupt each other or he has to bust into a conversation to feel like he has a chance to talk. FWIW, I have a friend who does this and at times she’s even mentioned that people have told her that she tends to overtake conversations. She’s self aware, but she still does it. My guess is that it is just how her family is.
FWIW, I have a friend who does this and at times she’s even mentioned that people have told her that she tends to overtake conversations. She’s self aware, but she still does it. My guess is that it is just how her family is.
My SIL and niece are like this. I adore my SIL and she knows cross talk and interruptions seem rude to me, and I know she and my niece kinda-sorta try not to do it when we're all in a group, but they can't seem to help themselves. It's just a reflex to say something the minute it comes into their heads whether someone else is talking or not. But this is how my SIL's birth family are with each other. It's what she grew up with.
the brother does not have a "conversation problem." he prefers one on one conversation to people interrupting and talking over one another and not listening to what others are saying and not allowing others to speak.
I am at my wit's end with trying to relate and or understand my brother-in-law's conversation style. you see when we all get together say at the bar or at a friend or family's house. conversations run wild, they are everywhere, multiple going on in the kitchen, multiple in the living room, etc. I have no problem dealing with, or listening to multi conversations at once, I view these multiple conversations/voices like flipping thru tv channels I pick one, listen, interact, and jump in if I have something to say and if I don't like it I change the channel. but not my brother-in-law, he can not just listen to and jump into a conversation he expects the conversation to stop so he can speak. jumping into an ongoing conversation is truly impossible for him.
you can see it in his eyes that all these voices running at once REALLY BOTHERS HIM,. so much that he just finds a chair somewhere and retreats to his phone, or will wander off and have one on one conversations with people, some times he gets mad at the group for not letting him speak. this is what we find odd as well. no one directly tells him to not speak. so why does he feel as if he is intentionally being silenced when he is around multiple conversations. we all find this odd. to us it appears that if he opens his mouth he expects everyone to stop talking until he is said his part. you can not expect large groups of people to go silent just so u can speak. i mean it a social setting not a court of law. what is his problem? what is our problem? i really would like to understand him and find a solution to this.
Give him a break! He is perfectly normal for an introvert trying to fit in with a herd of extroverts. As an introvert I can only handle groups like that in small doses, for about 2hrs max, and then it's time to get the heck out of dodge. They are draining, and exhausting. Poor guy.
one on one hes a great guy funny smart etc. but added just 2 more people to his one on one conversation and he changes, shuts down etc. I've been studying/watching him i have seen this first hand
You are making much too big a deal out of this. You are a different personality type altogether. Why not look up Introverts, and read about them. You can't force him to be something he is not. It sounds more like micro managing another person, and would make anyone uncomfortable. Let him be himself, and chill.
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