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I am at my wit's end with trying to relate and or understand my brother-in-law's conversation style. you see when we all get together say at the bar or at a friend or family's house. conversations run wild, they are everywhere, multiple going on in the kitchen, multiple in the living room, etc. I have no problem dealing with, or listening to multi conversations at once, I view these multiple conversations/voices like flipping thru tv channels I pick one, listen, interact, and jump in if I have something to say and if I don't like it I change the channel. but not my brother-in-law, he can not just listen to and jump into a conversation he expects the conversation to stop so he can speak. jumping into an ongoing conversation is truly impossible for him.
you can see it in his eyes that all these voices running at once REALLY BOTHERS HIM,. so much that he just finds a chair somewhere and retreats to his phone, or will wander off and have one on one conversations with people, some times he gets mad at the group for not letting him speak. this is what we find odd as well. no one directly tells him to not speak. so why does he feel as if he is intentionally being silenced when he is around multiple conversations. we all find this odd. to us it appears that if he opens his mouth he expects everyone to stop talking until he is said his part. you can not expect large groups of people to go silent just so u can speak. i mean it a social setting not a court of law. what is his problem? what is our problem? i really would like to understand him and find a solution to this.
He might have a neurological condition, like autism or anxiety, which makes a lot of noise and overstimulation unpleasant and uncomfortable, or he just might just prefer a quieter, calmer environment. Sensory overload might be normal for your family, but it doesn't mean your BIL is wrong or is a problem to be solved or that you shouldn't allow him to retreat and be comfortable. He is how he is. If you can see that he's really bothered and upset at a gathering, why not talk to him one on one quietly, rather than wanting him to change?
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 11-13-2021 at 12:32 PM..
So have many people cater to 1. yeah that's not going to happen. your advice is sound but unrealistic. that may help me for house parties but in other places not so much..lol, ill talk to the business owners at the bars and tell them to keep all their customers quiet for him.
Why does it bother you? He goes off on his own or speaks to someone one on one. As long as he’s okay with it why aren’t you? I’m the same way. I’m an introvert and hate situations like you’re describing. I’m actually impressed he even goes. I usually look for an excuse to stay home.
it use to not bother me. he did his thing, cool. but now he's getting mad at these gatherings family and social and snapping at people. " I can not get a word in everyone's talking," he says a lot. I am impressed that he comes but why accept the invite in the first place? we never judged him until now because he bites our heads off for not catering to him.
Why does it bother you? He goes off on his own or speaks to someone one on one. As long as he’s okay with it why aren’t you? I’m the same way. I’m an introvert and hate situations like you’re describing. I’m actually impressed he even goes. I usually look for an excuse to stay home.
what is it about these situations you hate? I can not relate but want to. i could sit in a room of ten people talking, with a radio playing, and could be texting someone all at the same time.
If you can see that he's really bothered and upset at a gathering, why not talk to him one on one quietly, rather than wanting him to change?
I have and he owns it. " I can not handle all this no-stop talking," he told me once. "dude why did you come then? I'm pushing him to talk to me it's working but going slow.
one on one hes a great guy funny smart etc. but added just 2 more people to his one on one conversation and he changes, shuts down etc. I've been studying/watching him i have seen this first hand
one on one hes a great guy funny smart etc. but added just 2 more people to his one on one conversation and he changes, shuts down etc. I've been studying/watching him i have seen this first hand
i wanna study this guy myself. I say mic him up at your next event and put it online. We need a case study for this guy. If you cant understand him you might as well monetize him
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