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For some reason, I recently had a depression attack and I think this was one of the few emotional triggers let's just say is dwelling on the past. Thing is always been a very reflective person, I like to reflect on my past a lot and see how it has affected me. Not much going on my end either as a NEET, I am just so used to the constant stimulation.
It's one thing to reflect on the past to learn and make changes for the present and future. But that shouldn't take very long. And you can always write down what you learn, for a quick read / reference.
Simply put, you can't change a single thing about the past and what has already happened. But the present and future have a chance of being different and better. If you really want a better life, the present and future are where to be.
Last edited by Thoreau424; 11-29-2021 at 11:58 AM..
It is how you regard the past that helps you move forward, or holds you back. If you dwell on mistakes, or disappointments, you can feel stuck. Reflect on your good luck, your positives, your accomplishments without feeling boastful. In old fashioned language, “count your blessings.”
Honor your accomplishments and good deeds, and credit your good luck. We all have had some good luck. Learn from mistakes and disappointments, but don’t dwell on them. Everyone has both good things and bad things happen to them.
It's one thing to reflect on the past to learn and make changes for the present and future. But that shouldn't take very long. And you can always write down what you learn, for a quick read / reference.
Simply put, you can't change a single thing about the past and what has already happened. But the present and future have a chance of being different and better. If you really want a better life, the present and future are where to be.
Since you actually can't be in the future, it's wise and prudent to only be in the present as much as possible.
What I do is catch myself going down that path, and tell myself, "if I am alive today, I must have done something right. If I am alive today, I can make small changes now to change tomorrow."
I practice "Mindfulness", which can be a form of meditation, but also something you can practice all the time. You try and focus on the here and now, it sounds easy but it isn't. Your mind can keep pulling you back in the past causing all sorts of dysphoria. Even as we age, some get depressed because they're focused on what was, instead of what is. They lament what age does to us and yearn for the days of youth, tight elastic skin, excitement, growing and achieving, etc. The old adage "don't forget to stop and smell the flowers" is so true, if you focus on the people and pleasures around you at the moment, your daily routine can be much richer and more enjoyable. If you focus on what life used to be, good or bad, you'll miss out on what the here and now has to offer, including relationships with people and your environment.
Sometimes I can't help it when my mind wanders into the past. It quickly brings me down for at least a couple of days. I can try to focus on the positive all that I want, but once it's too late, it's too late.
There's some really good advice in this thread. I struggle, too, with dwelling on the past. It usually happens at bedtime. When I turn out the lights, all the old memories come out to play. It's like a Power Point presentation of all my past traumas and bad decisions. Then I start dwelling on the "what ifs." I even have imaginary conversations with people from my past that I've wronged - people who are long dead.
Of course while it's happening I realize that this behavior is self-defeating and pointless. How can you see what's ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror?. Mindfulness helps. First I interrupt this negative train of thought. I channel Cher and order myself to "Snap out of it!" Then I imagine erasing all my thoughts as though I am erasing a blackboard and focus only on being present in the here and now. As judd2401 said upthread, it's not easy. But it does help.
I have learned over the year to set aside time where I can ruminate if I feel like it, then distract myself to focus on the present. Initially I needed the distraction otherwise I would continue with the rumination. Examples of distractions I have used:
-Speak to a friend
-Go for a run
-do the crossword
Then the distraction would uplift me, which would set me on a positive reinforcement spiral that would sustain me.
If I didn't allow time to ruminate, I found I would do so at inopportune moments. By setting aside the time I have control over it.
This is just what worked for me, there are other ways including those listed by other posters on here.
Last edited by Peter600; 12-10-2021 at 06:05 AM..
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