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I am bringing this up since it seems to be a real issue how some out there will affect others’ lives negatively, due to their having psychological problems. I am talking about those being Sociopathic, Psychopathic and such, who can affect others when living or working around, those speeding around in traffic, etc., or other oddities.
We are talking about the type who, if in shared housing and if asked to modify some behavior, having it ignored and actually becoming retaliatory due to. This appears to be a common scenario from having read of experiences, there being a mentality that become insulted and angry at this - how dare they need to change. I have experienced this more than once, when otherwise having had mostly good neighbors my entire life whom I barely heard and were respectful. I think this is more the norm, but sometimes one can be unlucky.
I only once had a really bad coworker, whom acted out when he saw I was not responsive to his personality, seeing thru him, only speaking to when it dealt with work. He was obnoxious, but others would put up with him or fake being friendly for the sake of not being on his sh** list. He was really loud and phony, always getting away with things. I would wonder why the Co. kept him, but he had a skill and likely “got him at a good price”. He was really nuts, ultimately doing stuff to my car, etc. Now, what makes one do such things?
Years later, this same type moved in above me. He gets along by being a phony, faking being Mr. Good-guy to some, having created issues for me, being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I knew as soon as he arrived that he was trouble. This is the type that is skilled at getting away with stuff. When the apartment manager eventually spoke to him about disruption, he has feigned innocence, or put his hand to his chest, saying “I don’t want to bother anyone”, then would continue being disruptive. He knows he is bothersome, just continues acting out, creating unnecessary, aggressive actions and playing loud audio.
I want to move, but require less-expensive housing, that is in competition for with many in need. I cannot move to another unit here either, asking to do. It has affected me emotionally and physically and really need a change. The (passive) manager doesn’t understand how severe it is for me, her not living in my unit, but has become more aware of who he is as a person. Seemingly, having a tenant paying rent is all that matters, though I believe in another building, things would have been handled differently.
By definition of Sociopath or Psychopath, it fits him (and that coworker). And what is scary is, that some may not recognize this problematic personality at first, since that type can “pretend” or turn on the charm.
My point is, how sick people will affect others, as we have heard of those also causing attacks and violent incidents. Some are really troubled and feel it has to do with how one is raised to become so off-kilter. It’s really a problem and sadly, anyone can have children and raise them inappropriately, in poor circumstances, resulting in some developing severe emotional issues. Babies do not pop out of the womb being this way and depends upon how one is raised to become, this having seemingly become worse.
Last edited by In2itive_1; 11-25-2021 at 09:54 PM..
Sorry you are going through this. So awful to have a bad neighbor. So little you can do.
We had a part-time one here that was such a negative drain on everyone, even causing some to move away. What a celebration the rest of us had when they finally sold and moved back to Illinois or wherever they developed their misery from.
I am afraid there are many more sociopaths than we think there are!
I am bringing this up since it seems to be a real issue how some out there will affect others’ lives negatively, due to their having psychological problems. I am talking about those being Sociopathic, Psychopathic and such, who can affect others when living or working around, those speeding around in traffic, etc., or other oddities.
I only once had a really bad coworker, whom acted out when he saw I was not responsive to his personality, seeing thru him, only speaking to when it dealt with work. He was obnoxious, but others would put up with him or fake being friendly for the sake of not being on his sh** list. He was really loud and phony, always getting away with things. I would wonder why the Co. kept him, but he had a skill and likely “got him at a good price”. He was really nuts, ultimately doing stuff to my car, etc. Now, what makes one do such things?
By definition of Sociopath or Psychopath, it fits him (and that coworker). And what is scary is, that some may not recognize this problematic personality at first, since that type can “pretend” or turn on the charm.
My point is, how sick people will affect others, as we have heard of those also causing attacks and violent incidents. Some are really troubled and feel it has to do with how one is raised to become so off-kilter. It’s really a problem and sadly, anyone can have children and raise them inappropriately, in poor circumstances, resulting in some developing severe emotional issues. Babies do not pop out of the womb being this way and depends upon how one is raised to become, this having seemingly become worse.
OP, I cut your excellent post to focus mainly on one point, and not take up too much of the page quoting you.
Yes, it's really unpleasant and can be very trying to run into these types in any context. And you pointed out an important tendency common to them: when they notice they're not able to manipulate you (like they're used to doing successfully with so many others), they escalate. The important message here is, that practicing good boundaries only makes it worse! Practicing good boundaries, as is so often recommended, is not a panacea. It only provokes these sociopathic types. So if you can't absent yourself from their presence/lives altogether, what to do?
He damaged your car, eventually? Did you report this to your employer, or to police, as stalking? (Or both?) That's a serious escalation. I understand not wanting to lodge a complaint against a co-worker for office behavior, but when he damages your car, that crosses a line that HR needs to know about. But I understand the fear of retaliation, too. Reporting to police would be much more discreet. They have a procedure for stalkers.
It's surprising how many of these types there are, lurking around. Over a lifetime, some people may have run several of them, which is too many. And those are just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid.
Perhaps over time your manager will see the light, and will take action. It sounds from your narrative, that s/he is gaining an understanding of the problem, gradually. You could start keeping a log of incidents, to show the manager, when enough incidents have piled up. Are there any other neighbors who could join you in a meeting with the manager, after keeping logs along with you? An organized effort should help...
We are talking about the type who, if in shared housing and if asked to modify some behavior, having it ignored and actually becoming retaliatory due to. This appears to be a common scenario from having read of experiences, there being a mentality that become insulted and angry at this - how dare they need to change.
........
I only once had a really bad coworker, whom acted out when he saw I was not responsive to his personality, seeing thru him, only speaking to when it dealt with work. He was obnoxious, but others would put up with him or fake being friendly for the sake of not being on his sh** list. He was really loud and phony, always getting away with things. I would wonder why the Co. kept him, but he had a skill and likely “got him at a good price”. He was really nuts, ultimately doing stuff to my car, etc. Now, what makes one do such things?
Years later, this same type moved in above me. He gets along by being a phony, faking being Mr. Good-guy to some, having created issues for me, being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I knew as soon as he arrived that he was trouble. This is the type that is skilled at getting away with stuff. When the apartment manager eventually spoke to him about disruption, he has feigned innocence, or put his hand to his chest, saying “I don’t want to bother anyone”, then would continue being disruptive. He knows he is bothersome, just continues acting out, creating unnecessary, aggressive actions and playing loud audio.
.........
By definition of Sociopath or Psychopath, it fits him (and that coworker). And what is scary is, that some may not recognize this problematic personality at first, since that type can “pretend” or turn on the charm.
........
Sounds like a nuisance neighbor I'm dealing with. 'loud and phony' sums it up quite well.
These people know they're pushing the edge if not wrong and they will lie, act and/or manipulate. They will lie to those in authority including a landlord. They will put on a act as in a goody two shoe or victim and they will manipulate people to follow them/be an advocate. This is being played out now. Nuisance neighbor has ignored or lied to landlord played blissfull ignorance towards their excess noise/partying and manipulated a neighbor to participate in their life including giving them rides. This was a process and saw it over time.
People like frequently screw up big time but until they do from what I've seen will test and push their life on others until someone or thing flatout stops them
A sociopath very, very rarely wants to change. They put themselves and their desires always before those of others including their families. They will get very angry at the suggestion that they are less than perfect. Also, this can be caused by being mommy's/daddy's little prince/princess that does no wrong, although many people think it is caused by abuse, sometimes it is not. Mommy made him feel like he was a prince, and he expects those around him/her (princess is the same problem) to honor that delusion.
He/she will not change. Facing off with them will not help. The legal system or something of that sort is the only way to try to deal with them, but they will try to get even. Filled with false pride, they do not like anyone to "rock the boat".
OP, I cut your excellent post to focus mainly on one point, and not take up too much of the page quoting you.
Yes, it's really unpleasant and can be very trying to run into these types in any context. And you pointed out an important tendency common to them: when they notice they're not able to manipulate you (like they're used to doing successfully with so many others), they escalate. The important message here is, that practicing good boundaries only makes it worse! Practicing good boundaries, as is so often recommended, is not a panacea. It only provokes these sociopathic types. So if you can't absent yourself from their presence/lives altogether, what to do?
He damaged your car, eventually? Did you report this to your employer, or to police, as stalking? (Or both?) That's a serious escalation. I understand not wanting to lodge a complaint against a co-worker for office behavior, but when he damages your car, that crosses a line that HR needs to know about. But I understand the fear of retaliation, too. Reporting to police would be much more discreet. They have a procedure for stalkers.
It's surprising how many of these types there are, lurking around. Over a lifetime, some people may have run several of them, which is too many. And those are just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid.
Perhaps over time your manager will see the light, and will take action. It sounds from your narrative, that s/he is gaining an understanding of the problem, gradually. You could start keeping a log of incidents, to show the manager, when enough incidents have piled up. Are there any other neighbors who could join you in a meeting with the manager, after keeping logs along with you? An organized effort should help...
Thanks for your thoughtful response. First about the coworker, yes, what he had done to my car was superficial, placing long scratches along the top of the hood. Another time, threw a mixture (appearing like vomit) on my driver's side window that dried and I tried to get something to clean it off, unable to fully do so prior to driving. I knew it was him who did these things, but felt I could not tell my supervisor of what I suspected. I recall trying to tell her about something once, as it was brushed off, saying she "knew we didn't like each other", etc. I honestly did not know what to do...and I am not passive, but felt trapped, his typically getting away with stuff. (I also felt that he was somehow responsible for my car accident that kept me out of work for a while).
I would hear him talking with the big shots, in his booming, phony demeanor, when otherwise creating trouble in other departments and associating with another troublemaker. He eventually was fired when having been caught using company resources for his own gain..(or what was said). I later applied at a company where I was told that the same guy had been there briefly, the interviewer seeing we were from the same place. The interviewer paused and reflected, saying "it was the worst few weeks they had experienced around there". There you go. (Later, seeing that he appeared to have passed on).
As far as my neighbor goes, I am the only one being affected, by the nature of the layout here. I would have wanted to have the support of anyone also affected, but is what adds to the frustration. Others passing by him briefly may think he's "a nice guy" (even the police had said that once as he lied to them, saying he "would be using headphones and going to bed soon", neither of which occurred).
Early on when having another neighbor come and listen, she went upstairs to tell him his music was too loud, but as in all instances of, he just resumes the behavior later on. As the manager left his unit once, he then stomped, slammed something upon my ceiling and smacked a wall. I have noted experiences over time, yet the manager has not always seen, witnessed, or listened to my recordings of (seemingly having little patience for) and seems she does not know what to do, taking cues from the management co. Supervisor whom also doesn't act on it.
It appears the neighbor has changed jobs and schedules often, currently not having to hear him late at night (which used to be the routine and never having it witnessed by management), still having to hear him whenever he is home. It's as if he is always angry by his actions, such as SLAMMING windows, etc.
Once several months back, I heard the manager speaking with him outdoors as he climbed his stairs, as he responded with "I'm just living my life".."I don't care what she (me) wants".. and "Stop bothering me!" to the manager. She later called me, being appalled at his response, yet there are never consequences. It is the most maddening experience. (As said, if only able to, I would have left). If I left, the next tenant in this unit would doubtless also be affected and the reality of would be known.
I don't mean to drag this out, and though having had a couple of other immature and disrespectful neighbors prior, have only been truly affected by these two Sociopathic instances in my life. As you said, there must be many of this type and one is very lucky to not be directly affected by this type in their lives.
Sounds like a nuisance neighbor I'm dealing with. 'loud and phony' sums it up quite well.
These people know they're pushing the edge if not wrong and they will lie, act and/or manipulate. They will lie to those in authority including a landlord. They will put on a act as in a goody two shoe or victim and they will manipulate people to follow them/be an advocate. This is being played out now. Nuisance neighbor has ignored or lied to landlord played blissfull ignorance towards their excess noise/partying and manipulated a neighbor to participate in their life including giving them rides. This was a process and saw it over time.
People like frequently screw up big time but until they do from what I've seen will test and push their life on others until someone or thing flatout stops them
You've described this type exactly. It's funny how some can be fooled by them..not seeing thru the fake demeanor. As my apartment manager says, she will ask a prospective tenant if "they are quiet", to which this type overdoes their response to, also likely having another provide a fake reference. I have seen also how there is a couple here I have known for years, whom are doing as you describe and who knows whom else may be an advocate, too.
As said, this type gets away with murder, but in time, something will stop them. It's just shocking if having to be affected by this type when most individuals do not appear to function this way.
Sorry you are experiencing this and hopefully, it will come to an end soon.
Last edited by In2itive_1; 11-28-2021 at 02:23 AM..
A sociopath very, very rarely wants to change. They put themselves and their desires always before those of others including their families. They will get very angry at the suggestion that they are less than perfect. Also, this can be caused by being mommy's/daddy's little prince/princess that does no wrong, although many people think it is caused by abuse, sometimes it is not. Mommy made him feel like he was a prince, and he expects those around him/her (princess is the same problem) to honor that delusion.
He/she will not change. Facing off with them will not help. The legal system or something of that sort is the only way to try to deal with them, but they will try to get even. Filled with false pride, they do not like anyone to "rock the boat".
Exactly. As you say, I am curious at one's early existence to have created this mentality. I will see an instance of being discussed and would like to see their early lives depicted in order to get the full picture of, having had an interest in Psychology. I think you have nailed it, though.
This guy described is in his 60's...nothing has stopped him yet, though has surely created a trail of wreckage over this time. (Oh, I have suspected that he may have a Lawyer in the family, which is how he slips thru the cracks).
Not everyone who's a jerk has a mental illness. Not everyone you dislike has a mental illness. Some people are just jerks.
And, of course, not everyone with a mental illness is a jerk.
Let's not go off making too many assumptions about mental illness.
No, no...but let's say, for a person to be outwardly rude and offensive for instance, something is off-kilter with them, or they would know better. It may not be as severe as one who is Sociopathic or Psychopathic, but there is an issue.
I think many, young and old, are outwardly very kind, pleasant and courteous - and consistently - being likely emotionally-balanced, to which there is a difference from those who will endanger others in public by wildly racing thru traffic, for example. Being a hot-head, self-absorbed, feeling superior and entitled, is a problem.
Those suffering from something such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, addiction, for example, especially those who are aware of and seeking help for, are not the type being initially addressed here. The type that was first referenced are not those seeking help, since they do not believe they need it, and is how they will go on negatively affecting those around them. Not to say that one may not possibly suffer from any of that in addition to being Sociopathic or Psychopathic, I suppose.
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He knows he is bothersome, just continues acting out, creating unnecessary, aggressive actions and playing loud audio. 
It is the most maddening experience. (As said, if only able to, I would have left). If I left, the next tenant in this unit would doubtless also be affected and the reality of would be known.
