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Spitting game is just another term for the BS that professional Chads throw at random women. But sadly it does seem to work more times than not. At least from what I have witnessed when observing these creatures in the wild.
But you're right. A DECENT woman wouldn't cuss a guy out for being shy and lacking game. Unfortunately it's not easy to judge a woman's character until you begin to learn more about her. If I knew ahead of time that a woman was of bad character, I wouldn't approach her to begin with. As desperate as I was, I had SOME standards. It wasn't all about "getting some" as I was looking for something long term.
To clear things up a bit, my definition of an approach was to write my name and number on a piece of paper, go up to a woman and say "Excuse me I just wanted to give you this." At which point they would usually take the note with a very confused look on their faces while I ran out of there as fast as I could with my tail tucked between my legs.
As you can probably guess, that note thing never worked. Except for a couple of times when the women showed the note to their boyfriends who then called me up threatening to "Whoop my azz!."
The two times that I was actually cussed out was when I called up this cashier at the local grocery store and asked her if she was married or had a boyfriend. Since this was over 20 years ago, I can't recall EXACTLY what she said but she definitely wasn't happy and used a few choice words in expressing her opinion. Some of which were even in Spanish. In which case I was glad that I didn't speak Spanish as I'm sure that what she said would have hurt my feelings even more than what she said in English.
The next one was also a cashier that I thought that I might have had a chance with. So I did a little investigative work and found her home phone number. I will give you three guesses what her reaction was when I called. But you will probably only need one guess.
At any rate, I gave up on approaching women years ago. So all the women folk can now breath a sigh of relief.
Re the bolded: My god, that is intrusive and flat-out stalking. Surely you could not have expected any OTHER reaction.
This has absolutely nothing to do with being cursed out for being "shy". This has got to do with not respecting social boundaries and making someone feel unsafe. Dude, FRIGHTENING someone into dating you doesn't work! Surely when you looked at it from HER perspective, you must have realized that.
The two times that I was actually cussed out was when I called up this cashier at the local grocery store and asked her if she was married or had a boyfriend. Since this was over 20 years ago, I can't recall EXACTLY what she said but she definitely wasn't happy and used a few choice words in expressing her opinion. Some of which were even in Spanish. In which case I was glad that I didn't speak Spanish as I'm sure that what she said would have hurt my feelings even more than what she said in English.
The next one was also a cashier that I thought that I might have had a chance with. So I did a little investigative work and found her home phone number. I will give you three guesses what her reaction was when I called. But you will probably only need one guess.
Oh, dear. This is extremely odd and intrusive behavior. Calling up someone at work and asking them if they're single? Tracking down someone's home number? This is not something you can write off as "I'm shy and women are mean." You crossed a line.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 03-22-2022 at 11:10 AM..
Re the bolded: My god, that is intrusive and flat-out stalking. Surely you could not have expected any OTHER reaction.
This has absolutely nothing to do with being cursed out for being "shy". This has got to do with not respecting social boundaries and making someone feel unsafe. Dude, FRIGHTENING someone into dating you doesn't work! Surely when you looked at it from HER perspective, you must have realized that.
Right, it has to do with a justified reaction to him not getting boundaries and how things work. I'm male and I had a "fan" on a different forum once who doxxed me. I had no concern for my physical safety but the idea that she was snooping around was galling and creepy.
This is on you, cuddle monster. If you didn't know that what you did was intrusive and almost certainly scary, you do now.
This is extremely odd and intrusive behavior. Calling up someone at work and asking them if they're single? Tracking down someone's home number? This is not something you can write off as "I'm shy and women are mean." You crossed a line.
Agreed.
Retail employees are pretty constrained in their work environment, which can lead to them feeling vulnerable . They are required to be there, in a public setting, with nowhere to hide, and they must be friendly. Making an advance on somebody in that situation makes you enter a power dynamic that is often unwelcome.
Calling them at work, which requires them to take a personal call on work time, can actually get them into trouble if they have a bad boss, if which there are many in retail.
Cold calling somebody at home who never gave you a number? No, just don’t do that. Get their number through legit means (such as, “hey, can I get your number? I would like to take you out for a drink/coffee sometime”) which allows them to gracefully decline, or even give you a bad number.
Nobody likes to feel trapped, and you maneuvered a couple of people into that exact situation.
Oh, dear. This is extremely odd and intrusive behavior. Calling up someone at work and asking them if they're single? Tracking down someone's home number? This is not something you can write off as "I'm shy and women are mean." You crossed a line.
Not to mention, his strategy for dating was to walk up to a complete stranger, make no eye contact or conversation, and hand them a note with a phone number.
Very bizarre. I would have been frightened to have this happen to me even if I was with other people.
The woman I am seeing now works in a service capacity... and no way would I have 'stalked' her online or incessantly called her while at work - or call even one time. And coming out and asking her point-blank if she is married, etc. Strange. Things like that come out during conversations.
Then agaIn, I do not 'grab the wheel' like the majority of males do - I let her handle that and let her 'make the move' on me.
It worked in OUR favor - and much much better for her than what the creeps and pervos prior to me tried to pull on her. And good for me because now I am with a genuinely loving and caring person.
Cuddle monster, sorry, but you totally got it wrong here.
Spitting game is just another term for the BS that professional Chads throw at random women. But sadly it does seem to work more times than not. At least from what I have witnessed when observing these creatures in the wild.
But you're right. A DECENT woman wouldn't cuss a guy out for being shy and lacking game. Unfortunately it's not easy to judge a woman's character until you begin to learn more about her. If I knew ahead of time that a woman was of bad character, I wouldn't approach her to begin with. As desperate as I was, I had SOME standards. It wasn't all about "getting some" as I was looking for something long term.
To clear things up a bit, my definition of an approach was to write my name and number on a piece of paper, go up to a woman and say "Excuse me I just wanted to give you this." At which point they would usually take the note with a very confused look on their faces while I ran out of there as fast as I could with my tail tucked between my legs.
As you can probably guess, that note thing never worked. Except for a couple of times when the women showed the note to their boyfriends who then called me up threatening to "Whoop my azz!."
The two times that I was actually cussed out was when I called up this cashier at the local grocery store and asked her if she was married or had a boyfriend. Since this was over 20 years ago, I can't recall EXACTLY what she said but she definitely wasn't happy and used a few choice words in expressing her opinion. Some of which were even in Spanish. In which case I was glad that I didn't speak Spanish as I'm sure that what she said would have hurt my feelings even more than what she said in English.
The next one was also a cashier that I thought that I might have had a chance with. So I did a little investigative work and found her home phone number. I will give you three guesses what her reaction was when I called. But you will probably only need one guess.
At any rate, I gave up on approaching women years ago. So all the women folk can now breath a sigh of relief.
/sigh
Yeah. What everyone else said.
And I wonder how many times on these forums someone has tried to stand in this position of, "people like me get done dirty and we're completely innocent I tell you" but really... Yeah, there was a reason.
Hell, a man once admitted privately to me that the woman he spent years complaining about for how she treated him so coldly, he'd basically sexually assaulted her at one point...does a man think that a woman is ever going to get over that, or that she should? The complete lack of basic empathy is astounding. This is why I often feel like some men just don't actually comprehend that women are even people. We are not NPCs in a game.
I said before that "creepy" is not an unattractive man or a shy man or even a man who can't get laid. Creepy is the pushing or violation of boundaries. I am far more forgiving, usually, and kind to strangers (as many of the long term posters on the Relationships board can attest, for years I was much more kind to the struggling guys than other people were)...and I am usually willing to give a man the benefit of the doubt that he just somehow did not understand that there was a boundary there. I am usually willing to be totally frank and honest but tactful and diplomatic at the same time, and kindly but firmly say, "I am sorry but see this? This is a boundary. Right here, yeah, this. I need you to stand on the other side of this. Wish you the best. Over there. Thanks." Unfortunately in my experience, too many men take even the attempt at politeness in stating that, as some sort of encouragement, and it's not until I get pretty hostile that they stop trying.
What you did, with those cashiers, that would never have gone well. Never. Not once. That has nothing to do with swagger or game. It simply is not DONE. It makes you look like a stalker, it is a violation of boundaries, and it is creepy behavior. Which, to circle back, was my point about creepiness. It's not about what you are, it's about what you do.
In an effort to help explain the difference, There are ways to approach somebody in the service industry. It can be done, but only if you are aware of the power dynamic and give the person space.
Years ago I was in retail. I was running a service counter, and a woman came up with an issue, which I resolved. She stayed around a few minutes to talk and express her appreciation. A bit of eye contact and smiling occurred, but I let it go by. As mentioned a few posts back, I am a bit oblivious at times.
The next day she came back. Made a point of thanking me for helping her with her issue, and asked me if I could call her when some obscure product arrived. Ok, I may be oblivious, but I am not stupid. I said of course I could call her, but I needed her name and number. Unfortunately it might be quite some time before it came in, but I could check with the buyers and call her more quickly if that was ok. The answer was yes, call anytime, and of course we were not really talking about some silly store item.
She made it clear she was interested in me, she made it easy for me to get her number, and she made the choice of calling entirely mine. All without violating that boundary with retail employees. No stalking or confrontation involved.
Some times the direct approach works, but in my experience the more subtle methods work just fine. Just don’t trap anybody.
Not to mention, his strategy for dating was to walk up to a complete stranger, make no eye contact or conversation, and hand them a note with a phone number.
Very bizarre. I would have been frightened to have this happen to me even if I was with other people.
Maybe not necessarily frightening, but definitely a weird strategy, and nothing that would induce a woman to be intrigued enough to call up a complete stranger who thrust a business card at her and ran off without a word. Again, that's not women being mean to shy guys; that's an approach that would never work.
Maybe not necessarily frightening, but definitely a weird strategy, and nothing that would induce a woman to be intrigued enough to call up a complete stranger who thrust a business card at her and ran off without a word. Again, that's not women being mean to shy guys; that's an approach that would never work.
I was the beneficiary of such a strategy outside the US. It did not result in a date. It was slightly different as my friend and I were at beach that was totally empty aside from a group of cute twentysomething guys playing soccer. They slowly moved their game closer to us (the beach was gigantic) and a couple of them came up to us, asked if we wanted to hang out at a bar later. I think we said we didn’t have any plans yet and then they basically ran off the beach. Tbh, we might gone to meet them at a bar, but they didn’t even give us enough information about where they were going for us to show up there. That was not the only time when I experienced the hit on and run, but it was generally unsuccessful.
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