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I thought about including a caveat about online crime, but didn't. Let's say the online behavior rises to the level of watching underage material, death threats, or other things that can and should involve enforcement. Then of course almost anyone here would terminate the friendship, so let's ignore such extreme and I hope uncommon scenarios (but yeah, certainly the pedos sometimes do have normal real-world social lives, it's important to remind people).
Call someone.
I worked with a lovely girl years ago who had a husband that came to all our work functions. We had nice conversations and I enjoyed their company. Found out later that he had kiddie porn on his WORK computer and shared it with a co-worker who made a call. The FBI banged down their door at 3 AM, took away all their electronics and the husband and I never heard the end of the story because I left the job for other reasons in the middle of it.
I did remember an episode of him in the hospital for weeks and no one finding out what it ever was; tough and go if he would live. This was before the above happenings, but later on it made me wonder what else....
I would cut the off, I would never speak to them again, and I wouldn't keep it a secret.
The story reminds me that someone who had been in my life as a child later came to my attention in the local news, for criminal involvement with a minor. It might have been arranged online - that was back when chat rooms were new. He's apparently still alive and a registered sex offender, and I'll let people wonder what stereotypically was his occupation.
Anyway, that's off-topic and part of my caveat about serious criminal behavior.
Well, an ex of mine discovered her husband of (about) four years is a degenerate gambler. He gambled and several hundred thousand $. She is divorcing him, her second marriage train wreck. I bail out no one's problems so found it amusing she shared it. Who'da thunk it from this guy, he's got that straight-laced way about him. No Schadenfreude: a train wreck and with kids involved who knows where it'll land. We just don't know what people get up to.
Yes some are socially functional to some extent. I am but let out a little hot air on C-D. Both are "the real me," two signs of a coin that is human nature. Taking it too far to trolling, harassing, etc. as-mentioned sound like crimes to me. Was just discussing online threats with a friend...she's received a few. Complaints will be made, charges I don't know about. Who does that: unstable persons. Anonymity tempts the angels.
Would I change my behavior towards such a person: yes, I had a friend of ten years and "the last straw" was a string of behaviors I overlooked prior. These days I consciously hire slow and fire fast. He finally tipped his hand so we're not friends anymore. No animus just that I don't need warriors like that in my social circle. That was ten years ago and good riddance. I don't sign up for crazy.
If you discovered a real-world friend had a secret, psychologically unhealthy online life - obsessive gaming, trolling, harassing, things like that not crossing over to real life- would you change your behavior toward that friend?
I'm not that, and I have never had a friend like that, as far as I know. But I know that some people like that are socially functional in the real world and not all hermits and mental issues are rampant and often aired out online, so odds are some of you have such friends, whether you know it or not.
You mention two distinct types of behavior: those that affect others and those that do not. If what you or I would consider obsessive gaming is not harming them or someone else, then does it matter? Trolling, harassing or otherwise affecting others is another matter. I agree with other posters that online and not online abusive behaviors are no longer to be distinguished in terms of affecting others.
I agree they're different behaviors, but obsessive, unproductive usage of time is an opportunity cost and therefore harmful to the self. Some, almost definitely lesser physical harm can also result from the overuse.
Last edited by goodheathen; 05-02-2022 at 02:47 PM..
The story reminds me that someone who had been in my life as a child later came to my attention in the local news, for criminal involvement with a minor. It might have been arranged online - that was back when chat rooms were new. He's apparently still alive and a registered sex offender, and I'll let people wonder what stereotypically was his occupation.
Anyway, that's off-topic and part of my caveat about serious criminal behavior.
Whatever the occupation was, it involved children, right?
I agree they're different behaviors, but obsessive, unproductive usage of time is an opportunity cost and therefore harmful to the self. Some, almost definitely lesser physical harm can also result from the overuse.
Right, but I think that things that fall into that realm are more about setting some boundaries just to be wary that you don't end up getting taken advantage of. I say this as someone who has had some notable experiences where "friends" ended up being advantage takers, and I only got smart about it and put in the required distance and boundaries after I got burned.
And in all honesty, there's a possibility that if someone is behaving in a way that is very foolish, it may be hard to respect them. I mean, my Dad got really into this MLM nonsense and wasted thousands of dollars on it once, and while it did not negatively impact me at all, I can't pretend that I had no opinion, or that I didn't respect him less for doing something like that. Part of it is a flavor of hypocrisy, since he often acts like he thinks he's smarter than other people.
Sometimes it's not even specifically the thing you find out about, but what you feel it says about a person's character.
I generally prefer to have friends that I respect and even admire. People who make me feel lifted up, not dragged down.
Last edited by Sonic_Spork; 05-03-2022 at 11:17 AM..
Reason: grammar goof
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