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Right, but I think that things that fall into that realm are more about setting some boundaries just to be wary that you don't end up getting taken advantage of.
How could the behaviors described by the OP lead to the OP being taken advantage of if, as the OP says, the behaviors don't transfer offline?
If you discovered a real-world friend had a secret, psychologically unhealthy online life - obsessive gaming, trolling, harassing, things like that not crossing over to real life- would you change your behavior toward that friend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by treemoni
How could the behaviors described by the OP lead to the OP being taken advantage of if, as the OP says, the behaviors don't transfer offline?
Good question. That said, I find it difficult (if not impossible) to believe one who obsessively games, trolls and harasses people online has a ‘normal’ life/relationships outside of it. In other words, whatever the psychological issue(s) that drives this behavior, it will remain i.e. it will not turn on/off with a computer.
We are only hearing one side. It seems to me the activities are things the OP doesn't like. Who's to say what's "obsessive", particularly if it isn't transferring over (according to the OP). The simple solution here is for the OP to find someone else to hang out with.
It’s absurd how some people (try to) separate it, as if one is not accountable for online ‘activities’ as long as it does not transfer to ‘real life’. What one does online (i.e. trolling, harassment and so on) IS ‘real life’.
How could the behaviors described by the OP lead to the OP being taken advantage of if, as the OP says, the behaviors don't transfer offline?
Because as I pointed out, something like having compulsive behavior around video games can affect a person's job and ability to support themselves possibly (I have known people who had this as part of a bigger pattern of behavior) and gambling, well... Obviously. And when some people get desperate because they're up a creek financially, they believe that their "friends" should "have their back" because they're just simply unlucky. Not because their actions had consequences.
Oh, and then, too, there are people whose marriages blow up because all they want to do is play video games at home all the time and the spouse feels neglected and taken for granted, especially when they also work and have to do all the housework while bozo sits there absorbed in a game all evening and weekend. Drama often ensues.
And those of us who have their crap together actually do not want to be expected to hold space for couch surfing for irresponsible people.
So yeah. Some of these kinds of behaviors that don't have a "victim" necessarily...well. Eventually they do.
Now if they are balancing their responsibilities just fine and it's just entertainment in their spare time like a normal person, then...the original premise of the OP doesn't even apply.
Good question. That said, I find it difficult (if not impossible) to believe one who obsessively games, trolls and harasses people online has a ‘normal’ life/relationships outside of it. In other words, whatever the psychological issue(s) that drives this behavior, it will remain i.e. it will not turn on/off with a computer.
Any harder than it is to believe that David Berkowitz a/k/a Son of Sam had normal relationships with fellow postal employees by day and murdered by night? A psychiatrist I talked to in 1977 saidit was very common that people of that variety compartmentalize their lives, so only one small part is deranged.
Any harder than it is to believe that David Berkowitz a/k/a Son of Sam had normal relationships with fellow postal employees by day and murdered by night? A psychiatrist I talked to in 1977 saidit was very common that people of that variety compartmentalize their lives, so only one small part is deranged.
Point being, the person who is capable of murder may ‘compartmentalize’ it in their mind; the law does not. He’s still a murderer despite ‘appearances’ elsewhere. The same is true relative to someone who harasses, stalks or trolls online (per the OP) i.e. it’s the same (psychologically unhealthy) mindset offline as it is online.
I've never known anybody offline who does those online behaviors, as far as I know, not counting the later-convicted pedophile who probably had never used the Internet when I barely knew him. Not on a friend level or any other level.
I've never known anybody offline who does those online behaviors, as far as I know, not counting the later-convicted pedophile who probably had never used the Internet when I barely knew him. Not on a friend level or any other level.
I've known some guys who did. Mostly in the trolling and harassing area, and some few who went way off the deep end on some toxic Reddit/Chan stuff.
One of them is my ex husband. I'd say that the online stuff was running in parallel to the nastiest traits he increasingly began to display in person over the years. My contact with him is very limited now.
Something there...
He told me early on that his first wife (I was the third) had made unfounded and false claims that he molested their child in order to get her way in court. I believed him. And I cannot quite bring myself to think that the claims were true and he did that...though at this point my perspective has shifted from, "she is a lying b-word and he would never, could never" to something more like, "I hope he did not, I don't quite believe that he did, yet I acknowledge it is possible. I will never conclusively know."
Because the thing is, at some point over the years he became downright obsessed with conspiracy stuff about sex crimes. Like he had Law & Order: SVU on constantly, and he began to "research" all these stories about government pedo rings and coverups and he claimed that he and some other guys on a forum were offering manpower to the mother of some kid who was abducted in Iowa ages ago... He printed out a 4" thick pile of paper that he put into a binder about MK Ultra, and one time I opened it up to a graphic...like, pornographical graphic...description written in the perspective of a teenage girl about some powerful men trafficking and raping her.
And it's like... OK I know that bad things happen, and I even do believe that some powerful people in this world who think they can do anything they want get up to some really evil crap. But at the same time, I also recognize that claims of this have been used as propaganda for centuries, AND that often enough various kinds of abusers deflect by pointing fingers and accusing others. So it's complicated, and while I definitely wish for justice, I don't see any good in filling my brain with thoughts about it. Especially when a lot of it (marathons of a show about sex crime?) isn't even true! Where does that kind of obsession cross a line into being a sign of some kind of sickness, in and of itself?
And it just kept getting worse. As did other aspects of his behavior. I know that for years, there was a lot more going on, with his internet presence, than I knew about from real life interaction with him. But eventually, one became a reflection of the other. And yes, of course, trolling and harassing was part and parcel of it all, too.
I actually think that it's all facets of mental illness in his case though. But that doesn't make it ok or mean that I had any obligation to continue tolerating him. I think he did wind up getting on some meds, he's seemed more reasonable when I've spoken to him for the most part (with regard to our sons) in recent years. I hope that he is in better mental health, if only for our adult son's sake...the one who still wants to even continue to speak to him anyhow.
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