Ethics violation? (counselor, therapy, mom, husband)

[metanerd278]

Let me see if I can provide enough background and context for this to make sense..

So, my son's mother and I are in a custody battle. We were never married, so by default she has full custody. He's 7 years old. In court, last year, I brought up concerns to the Judge regarding parental alienation, and other things. The Judge ordered that my son get in with a therapeutic provider until further order of the court, or until a provider no longer deems it necessary.

My son saw 3 in-person therapists last year. His mother pulled him from his first therapist because she got upset that we talked one on one (about my son), but rationalized pulling him from her to me by saying that she "hadn't provided theoretical advice". After only 3 sessions with her. My son's other two therapists had to leave their practice for unrelated reasons.

This year, my son's mother began him with a virtual therapist (as an attempt to minimize my involvement and cut me out). The therapist had virtual play therapy with my son mostly at his mother's house for about 3 months. Only two sessions were done at my house, under the knowledge of his mother.

Well - after my son's last session at my house, his mother got upset again. I live with my fiance and her daughter. Well, the therapist wanted to know my son's whole world in order to better help him - which includes them as well. So, she talked to them for part of his session, and him, and asked questions about our family dynamic.

My son lives with his brother, grandmother, and mother in their apartment - and the therapist did the same with them.

I don't know exactly my son's mother's reasons for what she does, because she lies a lot, but she abruptly discontinued my son's sessions because she got upset that the therapist changed it from "individual to family counseling" without her consent (she was upset that my fiance and daughter were included, whom she is always extremely rude to at exchanges). She told me she is postponing his sessions until she provides her findings about his diagnosis and how to move forward, and then that she "must consider my son's privacy and how his medical information is being protected." In short, to me - she's trying to find some loophole and rationalize getting my son out of therapy somehow.

A while after she told me all of this, my son's mother said that she "refused to provide a summary and a plan. Per Georgia guidelines for her field, she was not performing ethically and her services were ended." This was after she sent the therapist a letter questioning her credibility and ethics. The ethics violation she understands is the therapist not providing "clear and informed consent" about a treatment plan.

The therapist responded to her, and my son's mother sent me a redacted copy of that letter which only included what she wrote about his diagnosis. The therapist and I spoke on the phone about the letter. She did not support my son's mother's position at all. She told me the contents of her letter, which included:- Her thoughts on my son's diagnosis.- That my son should NOT be out of therapy.- That she still recommended a psych eval (recommended to mom last month but not acted on).- That she conducted her sessions ethically and including my fiance and her daughter was not in violation.- That a parent shouldn't be allowed to dictate my son's sessions and how they go.- That she doesn't think her actions would be looked upon favorably in the face of court proceedings.

What are your thoughts on all of this? Did the therapist violate any ethics? My son's mother sent me this link, which she also sent the therapist:

Mod cut.

The therapist is a LCSW with over 20 years of experience..

Thank you, in advance.

[Joe the Photog]

You need to talk to your lawyer about this. It sounds like the judge needs to know what is going on

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by Joe the Photog

You need to talk to your lawyer about this. It sounds like the judge needs to know what is going on

This. Rest of story is barely relevant. This is a sub rosa power move by the child's mother. I've watched three custody battles play out in 24 years and provided five written statements entered as evidence, mostly around good character. I'm not a licensed practitioner of any psychological field, only an educated layman and (apparently) credible character witness. The actual court proceedings usually aren't interesting, and every judge I saw had little patience for it. Decisions could be surprising though, in 15 - 30 min. Don't think I ever needed to be there longer than an hour.

In each case an aggrieved spouse threw up roadblocks. Two ex-wives, one ex-husband. Doesn't matter if the defendant indicated the sky is blue. Ex- then made a counter claim that it's green and invalidates the blue assessment on grounds shaky or otherwise. I saw wild documents and statements entered into evidence. Final case in particular.

All seemed like a significant waste of money on legal fees, court filings, etc. Last friend's $325/hr lawyer, while a decent fella, seemed to enjoy every minute. Go figure. I seldom asked him questions as he likely billed my friend for those too. Best to keep clear and if you can't, get ready for a pig wrestle (the old joke about mud, pigs, etc.)

[Parnassia]

Some people, no matter how weak their own position is or how compelling their opponent's, simply hate to lose. Poor kids get caught in the middle of an ego battle over turf.

[Ghobi]

No ethics violation. Have your attorney deal with her stopping therapy constantly. It’s obvious your ex wants you to have no rights to your son. Have you gotten a paternity test, been paying child support, petitioned the court for legitimization? If so, they will look at both parents and decide on the best interests of the child, which parent is stable or not stable.

Obviously, this ex. has interfered with you participating in therapy with all chosen therapists, either individually or with your family. Your ex’s rationales were bogus and the court can see that.

Have you been able to see your son regularly? You say he is 7. The ex definitely should not have full custody because she could move away legally if she has full custody and you’d never see your son. But try to appear friendly to her no matter how she is being, for the benefit of your son.

But be gently assertive( being adversarial won’t help), don't let her step over you because it looks like her goal is to win, even at the expense of the child.

[metanerd278]

Thank you all for your responses. My attorney is just as upset as I am. We wrote to our guardian ad litem, who is unfortunately very hands off. We wrote her 2 weeks ago and she has not responded at all. Our case has been going on for a year and a half, and the GAL has been on the case for a year. My son's mother has done stuff like this from the beginning, and it's been like screaming at a wall for me. Nothing happens.

We don't yet have a visitation agreement, even a temporary one. But she has allowed visitation of 2 weekends on, 1 off, every month. That's pretty much a flat rate, however - she's giving the same schedule for the upcoming summer vacation, while I've been pleading to her (and the GAL) for week on/off. She only gave weekends last summer as well. She's told me before that our youngest (3 yrs) "can't go more than 3 days without her". She also said that week on/off "doesn't support her end goal" of primary physical custody, and she doesn't want to try it. If it worked, she said, she doesn't want it year round.. We live a half hour away from each other. My fiance's daughter sees her dad, who lives out of state, significantly more than my boys get to see me.

We brought up alienating behaviors to the judge before, and her attorney wrote that the visitation schedule has been the "antithesis" of that - but alienation isn't just tied to visitation.. and there's an unfortunate number of her behaviors that I've been documenting.

Regarding child support, there's no order for that either (or anything from the Dept of CS), but I've been sending her what my attorney advised every month. My sons are also mine and have been legitimized.

Anyway, not to get too much into the legal aspect.. My son's therapist is upset and will be conveying everything to the GAL as soon as they get a chance to talk. The therapist also saw "coaching" in her sessions and projections of his mother's thoughts onto him. It's just a mess. I got his first therapist to write an affidavit last year, so hopefully this pattern will be apparent. Eventually. Our final hearing is in 2 months and the GAL still hasn't given a recommendation.

[Kin Atoms]

That kid is a chess piece moved by both of you.

I was involved in a similar case in TX. There were allegations of abuse made by kid's mom, and I had to trek 200 miles one way every other weekend in supervised visitation for 3 years, take 3 separate parenting classes, and be on a graded visitation schedule over a 3 month time period until I got separate time for him. Each legal session was marked with her saying my son should not see his father (me) independently until he was 21. I was advised by many counselors to keep a connection with him, treat him well, say nothing about mother, and to move into being consistently loving with him. I also had the most remarkable partner who no matter what, treated him like gold ALWAYS.

It is now over 7 years later, he is a few months from 16 y.o., and kiddo knows right from wrong. He knew things were amiss immediately but also was very aware of being held hostage (anything kid does errant is turned into him, and he bears the brunt of her anger). He has a great relationship with me, has huge respect for me, loves my partner (who loves him wholly) and he AND his friends have indicated great disdain for her, as they watched within context her manipulation, lies, obfuscation, and duplicity.

A simple context like 'two houses, two rules' was enough for me. She will be outed by him for what is there/not there over time. Never forget he continues to be hostage. You will waste money and time. Kids are resilient; he will know. Push for a gentle resolution - I had binders and binders of detailed info. Take it from the pros and push forward from now on with timelines: by 6 months, within a year, and assertively push the hell out of providers / professionals to get full findings. By the 3rd session there are conceptualizations and diagnoses - Mom sees herself on a losing side and justifies withdrawal as not in his interest. Get this ID'd by providers each time it occurs and move towards quicker resolution. Lawyers only make money and enjoy the pleasure of more time, which equals bank. Swallow your pride and ideals, back off, and slather the kid with love - he won't forget that.

Mine was relatively high profile: she wrote a book on it (didn't sell) and I am a successful professional in the field (university educated). There were no bearings, despite all this, on alienation. He was put into many enrichment programs (swimming, band, soccer, and Jr. ROTC); I finally took a tack that he needed to shine with coaches and leaders, and I kept myself away from the bleachers and sidelines, because then the focus would be totally on him and his capacity. She stated he would be involved in these things and I would wait on the sidelines to take him after his activity during our allotted sessions and visitation times because these events and activities would be important to him. And by withdrawing, I made it all about him. We did it within state for about 9 years and it is now a business transaction these past 6 years (over the past three years across state lines). And time with kid is time with kid and what YOU make of it. Make the best of it and limit your grousing.