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There are a lot of things that have made me happy, but generally took a nose dive as a result of external forces. Two jobs ago, I was really happy. I was making the most I ever made and doing some really cool, challenging work. A year in, my director (who I got along well with) hired a team lead to oversee our growing analytics team. He was awful. We butted heads often, because he was a narcissistic jerk who continuously made me feel insecure. In a matter of 10 months, he turned over 100% of his team including me. In a role before that one, I got a posh job in a quasi-governmental agency. At first, I loved it. I did everything I could to shine. A month in, my hiring manager was canned. Over the course of two years, I had six management changes. The one they eventually brought in was inexperienced with managing knowledge workers and had strong micro-management tendencies. I got frustrated with never being able to gain traction under a single boss, and left.
These are all reasons I'm happy to share here, but would never share in an interview out of fear that they would view me as someone who complains about former employers. What am I supposed to do? Grit my teeth and bear it? Stop growing? Deal with the emotional and mental abuse? Become complacent? Let me ask you this...who does that serve?
Also, the example of acting like you're 16 or 17 is a bit to the extreme. I might know one person in their 50s like that. I'm happy for people who "figure it all out" by the time they're 25. Like the example of a veteran who fell into a posh government job with lots of job security and who's been doing that for 25 years. But I think there are far more people figuring it out or wanting change in their 30s, 40s, and 50s than you are aware of. Many of them are simply locked down by marriage, families, debt, etc., and miserable.
People of all ages and statuses are trying to figure out the best way to live, and what makes them happy as they progress through life. Sometimes the answer changes.
The dividing line is what I mentioned before, do you view the world, and express yourself, through the eyes of a teenager who is naive as to what would really make them happy and the way the world will, or will not, be able to accommodate those needs?
Or do you view the world through the eyes of an adult where you win some, you lose some, but in the end you view the world as a series of trial and errors leading towards more happiness for yourself when you do it right.
People of all ages and statuses are trying to figure out the best way to live, and what makes them happy as they progress through life. Sometimes the answer changes.
The dividing line is what I mentioned before, do you view the world, and express yourself, through the eyes of a teenager who is naive as to what would really make them happy and the way the world will, or will not, be able to accommodate those needs?
Or do you view the world through the eyes of an adult where you win some, you lose some, but in the end you view the world as a series of trial and errors leading towards more happiness for yourself when you do it right.
Of course I don't behave like a teenager. They are impulsive, in large part, because their brains aren't fully developed. When I make a decision about moving on, it's been mulled over quite a bit--if not overdone, in my case. Every step I've made, for the most part, has been a step towards a goal or in pursuit of happiness. Whether it be more money to reach financial goals, or to move from an unpleasant or downright toxic work environment. There is always a motive; I do not sit around looking for things to be angry at. I'm generally a very mellow, humble, and likable person IRL. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many people in the corporate rat race.
If this is all about results, then I think they speak for themselves. Notwithstanding any unforeseen events, all the decisions I've made have ultimately landed me in a better situation in the long run. Nothing I've done has resulted in disaster for myself or my family.
I also find your stance that you've never witnessed people being critical of one another online amusing, if not a bit naïve. It almost exclusively happens online. Most people don't have the courage to say the things IRL that they do anonymously.
I don't need to be taught internet culture and the psychology of how people with anonymity and a keyboard make them extremely critical. I know how it works. Your comment is condescending. This thread is specifically about people making CAREER CHANGES, MOVING AWAY, AND GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
I've read many, many threads in various forums and social media platforms over the years on these 3 subjects since I find it fascinating that people would upend their lives like this, and all comments have been supportive with advice on what to do. This thread is the first time I've ever read that they're being accused of being disloyal, unreliable, and unstable. This is absurd.
I don't need to be taught internet culture and the psychology of how people with anonymity and a keyboard make them extremely critical. I know how it works. Your comment is condescending. This thread is specifically about people making CAREER CHANGES, MOVING AWAY, AND GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
I've read many, many threads in various forums and social media platforms over the years on these 3 subjects since I find it fascinating that people would upend their lives like this, and all comments have been supportive with advice on what to do. This thread is the first time I've ever read that they're being accused of being disloyal, unreliable, and unstable. This is absurd.
I disagree.
I do think that if A PERSON comes to a thread and asks about a change that they want to make, if it seems like what they want to do and it seems like they have thought it through carefully, they are likely to get encouragement.
But I know that when applying for jobs, having too many short term jobs in your history doesn't look good, and I think that if you look for the posts by some of the landlord types on this site (maybe in the Real Estate subforum) you'll find them saying that they require longer term stable employment. And furthermore, there will be people who judge possibly romantic partners on this, too.
And in all honesty, there's just this...general...thing... That some people who have a mindset of what is right and wrong behavior, that is based on traditionalism, if you are not adhering to the path they believe in, they'll act judgmental about it. I mean, tell people you had whatever they consider to be "too many" sex partners in your lifetime and they'll first insinuate or say outright that you've probably got STIs and even if you tell them that you've got negative tests, so, no... They will insist that you are self destructive and probably some kind of a train wreck.
People judge other people. It is what it is. I think that a very high percentage of arguments I've carried on in this website have ultimately boiled down to "just because somebody is different from you does not mean that they are bad, wrong, inferior, or a threat to your way of life. AND, life would suck and be boring as heck if we were all the same."
If it ain't hurtin' nobody and it works for you, then I say rock on with your bad self!
Of course I don't behave like a teenager. They are impulsive, in large part, because their brains aren't fully developed. When I make a decision about moving on, it's been mulled over quite a bit--if not overdone, in my case. Every step I've made, for the most part, has been a step towards a goal or in pursuit of happiness. Whether it be more money to reach financial goals, or to move from an unpleasant or downright toxic work environment. There is always a motive; I do not sit around looking for things to be angry at. I'm generally a very mellow, humble, and likable person IRL. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many people in the corporate rat race.
If this is all about results, then I think they speak for themselves. Notwithstanding any unforeseen events, all the decisions I've made have ultimately landed me in a better situation in the long run. Nothing I've done has resulted in disaster for myself or my family.
I made a general comment (didn't even quote you) about the question you raised, why adults who act like young people are judged harshly sometimes by other adults. My second comment had no reference to your specific situation either.
You don't need to justify your life decisions to me.
I don't need to be taught internet culture and the psychology of how people with anonymity and a keyboard make them extremely critical. I know how it works. Your comment is condescending. This thread is specifically about people making CAREER CHANGES, MOVING AWAY, AND GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
I've read many, many threads in various forums and social media platforms over the years on these 3 subjects since I find it fascinating that people would upend their lives like this, and all comments have been supportive with advice on what to do. This thread is the first time I've ever read that they're being accused of being disloyal, unreliable, and unstable. This is absurd.
I don't know how it's condescending to acknowledge that there is a prevailing theme and culture online where people are judgmental towards others. It's very common, in fact. I also don't know how it's condescending to note that if you've never noticed it, then you may not be as tapped in as you think you are. For someone who is so well-versed on internet culture, it boggles the mind to think that you've literally never encountered this anywhere. If so, tell me where those places are; I'd love to visit.
Also this is my thread, so I'm quite aware of what the thread was intended to be about.
People judge other people. It is what it is. I think that a very high percentage of arguments I've carried on in this website have ultimately boiled down to "just because somebody is different from you does not mean that they are bad, wrong, inferior, or a threat to your way of life. AND, life would suck and be boring as heck if we were all the same."
If it ain't hurtin' nobody and it works for you, then I say rock on with your bad self!
That's what I'm saying. This almost exclusively occurs online, IME. Maybe my friends/family are judging me behind my back (I don't care), but it's not something I run into IRL very often. It's almost exclusively online. And it's almost exclusively on anonymous forums such as this, reddit, etc.
There is a reason that some people take frequent breaks from these types of sites. They are often exhausting to be tapped into for a longer period. There are constantly comments and threads accusing you of not doing something right in life. Didn't pick the right major, didn't work for the right companies, didn't buy RE in the right market, didn't work somewhere long enough, too many partners, etc.
I do think that if A PERSON comes to a thread and asks about a change that they want to make, if it seems like what they want to do and it seems like they have thought it through carefully, they are likely to get encouragement.
But I know that when applying for jobs, having too many short term jobs in your history doesn't look good, and I think that if you look for the posts by some of the landlord types on this site (maybe in the Real Estate subforum) you'll find them saying that they require longer term stable employment. And furthermore, there will be people who judge possibly romantic partners on this, too.
And in all honesty, there's just this...general...thing... That some people who have a mindset of what is right and wrong behavior, that is based on traditionalism, if you are not adhering to the path they believe in, they'll act judgmental about it. I mean, tell people you had whatever they consider to be "too many" sex partners in your lifetime and they'll first insinuate or say outright that you've probably got STIs and even if you tell them that you've got negative tests, so, no... They will insist that you are self destructive and probably some kind of a train wreck.
People judge other people. It is what it is. I think that a very high percentage of arguments I've carried on in this website have ultimately boiled down to "just because somebody is different from you does not mean that they are bad, wrong, inferior, or a threat to your way of life. AND, life would suck and be boring as heck if we were all the same."
If it ain't hurtin' nobody and it works for you, then I say rock on with your bad self!
That so reminds me of something one of my grandmothers' said to me when I was in my twenties and making decisions that made some others in my life shake their heads in disapproval... this grandmother had had a very storied life herself, 4 marriages in a time (1930s/40s) etc. etc. when this was heavily frowned upon... and I won't elaborate on the etc. etc., but other behaviors equally frowned upon.
She said to me, and I'll just paraphrase... do what you need to, to find happiness in life and ignore the the 'judgement people'... they don't know who you are or what you need... they are not God. God, will understand and sympathize with you as long as you do not intentionally harm any of his other creatures/people during your life. He wants us to be happy, if we can, and likes to be amused by his 'naughty' children... goodness, what outrageous thing will they do next? He's a gambler, himself. So don't be afraid to take risks, he already told us not to be afraid.
We instill these values in children. We encourage them to explore, try new things, make mistakes, fail, get back up, try something else, learn, grow, etc.
In adulthood, this all seems to change. Trying new things is often shunned in adulthood. People often view other (adult) people who try different things, move around a lot, switch jobs/careers, explore different educational paths, and so forth as unstable, unreliable, disloyal, having poor judgment, or otherwise.
I don’t agree people are shunned for exploring new opportunities/educational paths nor do I think it’s associated with unreliability. To the contrary, it’s encouraged as one is able to develop a clear sense of who they are in the process i.e. sometimes we don’t know until we try. Those who don’t grow, learn, and evolve are often left behind - so to speak, particularly those who become psychologically stuck or narrow-minded.
That said, there’s a difference between ‘learning and growth’ or ‘making mistakes’ vs. one who is disloyal or has poor judgment, as a whole.
I don’t agree people are shunned for exploring new opportunities/educational paths nor do I think it’s associated with unreliability. To the contrary, it’s encouraged as one is able to develop a clear sense of who they are in the process i.e. sometimes we don’t know until we try. Those who don’t grow, learn, and evolve are often left behind - so to speak, particularly those who become psychologically stuck or narrow-minded.
That said, there’s a difference between ‘learning and growth’ or ‘making mistakes’ vs. one who is disloyal or has poor judgment, as a whole.
There is often a conflict between loyalty and trying something new. For something new to happen, it's common for someone to have to switch their loyalties. In my example, I'm thinking exclusively about changing employers or going back to school, not cheating on a significant other or anything like that.
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