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Do you want me to list them out? I could refer to several examples that happened here, but people usually pretend that that doesn't matter or that they don't even notice this type of thing. It's happened IRL, too. Specifically, during job interviews, when people have questioned my stability or loyalty. Not a lot of people, but there are certain types. Usually they are older, in a conservative field or industry.
I’ll take a hard pass on your list, thanks. :-) That said, I’m perplexed your career motivation/exploration (relative to the thread) is dependent upon ‘examples here’; perhaps that’s the problem relative to stability. In other words, it’s not that you seek personal growth (which is being chastised) - but how.
I’ll take a hard pass on your list, thanks. :-) That said, I’m perplexed your career motivation/exploration (relative to the thread) is dependent upon ‘examples here’; perhaps that’s the problem relative to stability. In other words, it’s not that you seek personal growth (which is being chastised) - but how.
You asked who those people are, lol. I'll save you the grief haha.
My career motivation is not dependent on examples here. My career motivation has always been growth, whether that be financially, culturally, or with regards to skills and experience.
If something doesn't occur to them, they have trouble thinking outside the box.
That's my boss, all right. Last week, she almost raised her voice at me because I suggested we needed to find out where something was before we could properly update the inventory system. She frustratedly told me there was only one place it could be, before I quietly mentioned the *other* possible location. She then responded with, "And when was the last time you did a count in that other location?" Nice deflection of blame there, boss...
It's true, when you are adventurous and take "the road less travelled", you are opening yourself up for failures and mistakes others will not experience in their "safe" life. You might be giving up security, safety, guarantees, probably make less money.
Some people even resent it, and make one's life more difficult, because how dare you "deviate", lol.
That's my experience.
It all depends on your circumstance.
Are you single and free, no spouse or children or parents or others that depend on you? Then it's OK to risk failure and make even major mistakes.
But if you have a SO and if you have children, it's another story and that equation is a little different. I would have pursued a different career path in my 20's and 30's but I could not risk the financial setback that would have entailed for my family. In other words, it would have been a selfish choice. We can't always get what we want, this is reality.
Are you single and free, no spouse or children or parents or others that depend on you? Then it's OK to risk failure and make even major mistakes.
But if you have a SO and if you have children, it's another story and that equation is a little different. I would have pursued a different career path in my 20's and 30's but I could not risk the financial setback that would have entailed for my family. In other words, it would have been a selfish choice. We can't always get what we want, this is reality.
Alternatively, it could be said that you got most of what you wanted in your life: the SO and children.
It's not uncommon for priorities to change as we get older. When you're young, there is a lot of emphasis on prestige and making lots of money. But I've heard stories now in their 40s and 50s who want a low key, low stress job with much better work life balance, even at the expense of a larger salary.
Especially when you take into account this is the "worst" thing I've done in life, and these people make it seem downright criminal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
I’m not following what it is you did, relative to the thread. Who are ‘these people’?
Quote:
Originally Posted by modest
Do you want me to list them out? I could refer to several examples that happened here, but people usually pretend that what happens online doesn't matter, or that they don't even notice this type of thing happening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy
I’ll take a hard pass on your list, thanks. :-) That said, I’m perplexed your career motivation/exploration (relative to the thread) is dependent upon ‘examples here’; perhaps that’s the problem relative to stability. In other words, it’s not that you seek personal growth (which is being chastised) - but how.
Quote:
Originally Posted by modest
My career motivation is not dependent on examples here.
To the contrary, when asked, you clearly referenced ‘examples here’ and mentioned, above, people pretend what happens online doesn’t matter. I’m certainly not suggesting what happened to you doesn’t matter; I have yet to know what it is, lol.
That said, you continue to sidestep my question relative to a thread you personally started. Do you simply not want to address such; but then, why reference it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by modest
You asked who those people are, lol. I'll save you the grief haha.
Meaning, what the ‘heck’ are you talking about i.e. figuratively not literally.
To the contrary, when asked, you clearly referenced ‘examples here’ and mentioned, above, people pretend what happens online doesn’t matter. I’m certainly not suggesting what happened to you doesn’t matter; I have yet to know what it is, lol.
That said, you continue to sidestep my question relative to a thread you personally started. Do you simply not want to address such; but then, why reference it?
Meaning, what the ‘heck’ are you talking about i.e. figuratively not literally.
I think it's perfectly okay to say that we disagree on this matter. I'm not going to write out a long winded essay outlining my grievances from here or elsewhere in order to play defense against what you believe is or isn't a warranted emotion.
I provided what I'm willing to share on this matter. If that's not enough for you, then ignore me.
Alternatively, it could be said that you got most of what you wanted in your life: the SO and children.
It's not uncommon for priorities to change as we get older. When you're young, there is a lot of emphasis on prestige and making lots of money. But I've heard stories now in their 40s and 50s who want a low key, low stress job with much better work life balance, even at the expense of a larger salary.
We all have to weigh things in the balance of our lives and make our choices and live with whatever happens.
There was a time I wanted to go finish my degree. I was just in time to have my previous college courses count and to pick up and go forward with that, and I got enrolled...but unfortunately for me, the other factors in my life just demanded so much from me that yet again, college ended up on the chopping block. I had a job that had just relocated the office across town more than doubling my commute. My kids were struggling and needed parental support. My (then) husband was starting to really have mental health struggles. All of it was too much.
First I dropped college.
Then after trying unsuccessfully to help the husband for over a year, with him unwilling to be helped or get help, I dropped him, too.
After that, it became more important to me to start investing in my own emotional and mental wellbeing. To be around people who made me feel like life is worth living. A few years later I ended up remarrying and I adore my husband, but he is older than I am. I'm all too aware that we have fewer likely years of relative freedom and quality of life before age really hits him and starts slowing him down, and I have to adopt more of a caretaker role. (I don't mind one bit, he's worth it!) But the thing is...because of that, going back to finish my degree, though it would double my income, it would also take away a lot from time that I can spend with him now, and in the next few years. Those are years we won't get back.
Even more than the student loans I'd have to take on, to get through more school, it's that TIME that I am unwilling to invest. Our money will be OK, I think, even if I don't. Would it be nice to have twice as much? Sure, of course...but it is a cost I don't think I'm willing to pay.
I have no idea if I'm making the ~right~ call...probably, to some people, I am not. But I think it's the right one for me.
And everybody's got a story. Of course, as a woman, I think that there is more potential for me to be judged on my sexual history than my career choices. Though I really don't feel anywhere near as judged as some women say they do. What has always struck me as....I dunno, ironic, I guess...is the fact that I don't have much cause to regret the casual stuff. Like society says (?) that I'm supposed to be all broken up about every guy I ever slept with but didn't marry or something? I'm supposed to see that as some kind of a personal failure? And yet there weren't any lasting effects to any of that. It was only the time I was trying to follow the program and do "the right thing" and be loyal to the father of my kids that my life was horrible. If I regret anything in my life it was him, but I felt like I was walking some kind of a righteous path, not being selfish, doing the right thing, all those years. It made me pretty miserable though in the end. Maybe I was supposed to be miserable? I don't know. That sure as hell doesn't feel right to me.
in some ways I do not need to re-invent the wheel. Call it wisdom thru experienced set backs.
Other times I find that no matter who is willing to lead the way I can be attentive and gain from that persons tidbit of knowledge.
Not sure I encourage curiosity when the young one is wanting to set off fireworks in the garage....or swing the cat from the second floor window. Common sense will supercede the "endorsing" of curiosity.
ANd while going outside a persons "comfort" zone may seem like step in a new direction to explore.....Do you really want a young person exploring your home and being curious; takes your computer, tv and valuables. Pretty sure none wish to encourage that.
No need to be angry or assume I would ignore you; in fact, I’ve simply offered/asked for you to elaborate regarding your ‘several experiences online’ which led to your conclusion/this thread - as I’m open to understanding/hearing such in order to follow your interpretation/make your point.
Why would I ignore you - when I was simply trying to discuss your thread further, lol?
I'm not angry with you. I'm sorry if that's how you interpreted my text.
I don't want to rehash all of these experiences in great detail. Some of these events have had a great deal of impact on me, especially because some of it happened early on in my life at a vulnerable time. I know that whatever I share is open to whatever criticism is going to be dished out. I'm just not interested in going on the defense to justify how or why these things impacted me. I'll reserve those discussions about the specifics for a trained therapist.
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