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It's not so much the taking off of clothes. I really have no problem with being nude in and of itself, it's the embarrassment of not knowing what is expected, what the "rules" are. No one tells you this.
I'd rather not talk, either. Maybe I will try it again. I liked it, but I did feel awkward.
Of course, once I had a partner who gave me excellent regular back and leg massages, I didn't think of it again but now that that's no longer possible for him to do (neurological disorder), it would be nice to get one.
I never felt compelled to talk during a massage. Usually it's lights dim, new age music, and calm. You can take off as much as you want, there are no rules. I have done totally nude and also with underwear on. Interestingly I had a blind masseuse once...what a great career for someone with that disability! I found it interesting that she still left the room when I undressed but I'm sure it was for my comfort.
Oh, you reminded me that one time about 45 years ago I decided to go to Japantown in San Francisco and get one of those massages where these tiny women walk on your back! It was pretty cool. They gave a great massage too. Deep tissue, the kind that hurts during the massage but afterward you feel fantastic. If you haven't experienced it, it's difficult to describe.
My memory is fuzzy, but after thinking about it, all I had to do at the time for a newspaper ad was show my California certificate, which at the time was only 200 hours, though I had more than that from extra classes and training, about an additional 100, I think. When I moved to Southern California I had to get a business license from the city I lived in to place an ad for massage and be legit, and that was cheap: only $50. I'm sure it's way more now. Plus, many more hours are required, and having passed the State or National test. Some states, like Oregon, only require the national test. 17 years ago that fee was $500.
It's difficult to know how to find a good therapist who both does good work and is a good communicator. Good communication is necessary for the job. Good marketing skills, too unless you work for a spa. But even then, there is competition with the other therapists so you have to find your strengths as a therapist and play them up.
One spa I worked at in San Bernardino county had a French massage room. Oh man it was heaven. It was completely ceramic tiled, with a table that had drainage holes, and hoses coming from the ceiling. You had to be trained to use it (French spa method). I've never run into it anywhere else. I don't think that place made it. Too bad, it was a very nice place.
Working for a spa a therapist has to forfeit up to 50% of the fee, but it can be a deal because there is no overhead. You just show up to the facility.
The down side:
I don't know why spas do this, but the two I worked at did: Therapists were scheduled in 5-hour shifts. How many massages can you fit into a 5-hour shift??! Most of the time, the most you would get in a shift is 2 massages because of how many other therapists were on staff and the level of business walking in the door. That doesn't pay the bills.
MQ I'm not sure what you mean by the rules or what is expected. As a professional, I had no expectations except that the client knew what they wanted and communicated it (soft tissue, deep tissue, extra work here, avoid these areas, etc.) The other expectation is, of course, proper behavior
As for Massage Envy, I don't think much of it. When I was a patron there years ago (maybe 10?) they employed mostly new therapists. In my experience, and I made the mistake of telling them I was a therapist, they became nervous and intimidated even though I was super nice to them. The one good therapist I had left soon after because he was really good and probably found a way to go out on his own or work at a higher paying establishment. It's no doubtgood initial experience for them, though.
That is exactly what I am talking about in addition to dressing/undressing mentioned earlier. How would one even know to ask about those things the first time they went? How would they know what the choices even are to ask for?
That is exactly what I am talking about in addition to dressing/undressing mentioned earlier. How would one even know to ask about those things the first time they went? How would they know what the choices even are to ask for?
I always tell them upfront what’s been bothering me, i.e. “my scapula and neck has been really tight”. They should be asking you IMO.
Yes, they should be asking, at the beginning of the session. What's bothering them, what areas they want you to focus on, what areas to avoid, what type of touch (light or deep tissue) they want. It is perfectly acceptable to ask them during the massage how the touch is, and it's perfectly acceptable for the client to say that's too deep or that's not deep enough.
The foregoing reminds me that one time, a really weird guy insisted that I flutter my fingers over his whole body. This was at a spa. I tried doing it, and stopped. I told him it was ridiculous, that this wasn't massage. He asked me to try so I did, but I stopped and said I couldn't do it and why was he paying to have fingers flutter over his body? That is not massage. I went out and told the manager of the spa what was going on. It's been so long I don't remember how she handled it, but I wasn't going to do a fake massage and I didn't have to.
I do, especially in my neck, and when it started way back in the 90s, the first thing my Dr asked was whether I was sitting at a computer because they were starting to see it.
I would love to find someone who could focus on the left side of my neck and my left shoulder and back.
Other than my current bf, who gave excellent massages before he got sick, I only ever had one at a real massage place when a friend treated me. It felt great, but it was also somewhat awkward because I didn't know how a massage was supposed to work or what was expected of me. Was I supposed to be naked? Leave underwear on? What? Nobody tells you these things. Do you talk to the person and ask for certain areas to be paid attention to or do they want you to just shut up? What if I can tell they are skieved at my body or the scar on my back where a cyst was removed?
There is a lot of anxiety involved here!
As others have said, I mean those are good questions...pretty cool we can talk about this here, get some idea how stuff works huh? The clothing thing, it really is up to you. The therapist may prefer that you be nude but it generally is not required. As ocnjgirl said, I've also had massage nude and with underwear (and socks!) That's another thing, there are tons of people in the world who don't really like their feet being touched. No massage therapist is gonna think you're weird if you keep your socks on and don't want them messing with your feet. And like um...as a woman whose body still does inconvenient monthly things, there are times I am just more comfortable with my underwear on. Massage therapists work with all sorts of bodies all day, they get it.
The last thing they want is to push someone to remove their underwear if it's going to make you lay there fussing in your head about it, having anxious thoughts will make their job harder than having your undies on will.
As for them being skeeved about your body... I'd love to just say, "nah, they've seen it all" as our OP is saying, but as a woman that doesn't always work. Like yeah. They've seen it all. Am I being compared or ranked or judged against...all? I mean I'm aware of the programming women spend our lives getting beaten with like a stick, so... All I can say is it helps me to actually be getting massage from my friend. Because I know her. I know how she thinks. I know she doesn't judge me about the things I think of as flaws. She is fascinated by anatomy, all sorts, she's done cadaver studies and she's gone and done volunteer work in prisons...like she is one way open minded and non-judgmental kind of person. So knowing that, does help.
Regarding asking for what you want, also, you don't have to know all the anatomical names for areas of your back. Your massage therapist does, but you don't have to! In asking for what you want it's fine to start with saying for instance, "my neck and the left side of my back bothers me, probably from spending too much time at a computer...I don't have much experience with massage, so I'm not sure what technique will be best." They'll figure it out with you. And if you get the same person to work with you repeatedly, they get a sense for what works. My issues are actually just that, left side of neck and back...when my muscles are being rascally, we've found that heat works really well, so I will go for hot stones.
She has also made recommendations to me to have a heat pad, or a sock full of dry rice to microwave as a heat pack (it's weird but it works) and to have and use a Thera-cane at home to work stubborn and hard to reach spots on my back between massages.
I never get any benefits from massage,when someone offered to give me a massage,I usually say thanks but no thanks,I dont find it comfortable,in fact damn annoying,and the grease they rub on your body,how do I get rid of it ?
But once I talked to a guy who lost his job as a purchasing agent for a company and end up being a masseur to women who married well,he told me they hired him based on his looks and built,he would show up wrapped in a towel and start massaging married women in their late 30s and 40s,they kept their body in good shape and he was much aroused ,so he would go home after work and masturbate!
As for those Asian massage parlor, some men go there,some said it is a form of addiction,some said they are divorced and thats the only way they can get sex.
I never get any benefits from massage,when someone offered to give me a massage,I usually say thanks but no thanks,I dont find it comfortable,in fact damn annoying,and the grease they rub on your body,how do I get rid of it ?
But once I talked to a guy who lost his job as a purchasing agent for a company and end up being a masseur to women who married well,he told me they hired him based on his looks and built,he would show up wrapped in a towel and start massaging married women in their late 30s and 40s,they kept their body in good shape and he was much aroused ,so he would go home after work and masturbate!
As for those Asian massage parlor, some men go there,some said it is a form of addiction,some said they are divorced and thats the only way they can get sex.
I believe that you haven't had a proper or a good massage. A good therapist will not "grease you up." There are lotions and creams that are designed to help glide without being greasy.
There are people who don't like or value massage and that's fine. Some people don't like to be touched except sexually. The guy you talked to was no doubt a gigolo. He likely wasn't telling you the whole truth. That was his business and it's illegal in many places to provide sexual services, so he wasn't going to just volunteer that information to you.
And yes, sexual massage is an addiction for not a small amount of men. Then there are the men who are arrogant and say they would never pay for a sexual massage and they don't have to pay for it, they can get their own women thankyouverymuch. Well bully for them. A lot of men are smart (pragmatic) and take care of their urges if they can't get it or aren't getting it elsewhere. It's when it becomes an addiction that it's a problem.
Yes, they should be asking, at the beginning of the session. What's bothering them, what areas they want you to focus on, what areas to avoid, what type of touch (light or deep tissue) they want. It is perfectly acceptable to ask them during the massage how the touch is, and it's perfectly acceptable for the client to say that's too deep or that's not deep enough.
The foregoing reminds me that one time, a really weird guy insisted that I flutter my fingers over his whole body. This was at a spa. I tried doing it, and stopped. I told him it was ridiculous, that this wasn't massage. He asked me to try so I did, but I stopped and said I couldn't do it and why was he paying to have fingers flutter over his body? That is not massage. I went out and told the manager of the spa what was going on. It's been so long I don't remember how she handled it, but I wasn't going to do a fake massage and I didn't have to.
A strange request probably would’ve just continued had you done it!
A great massage is in someplace clean. You breathe easier. You let go of your stresses of the day for an hour. I have curved spine and those muscles relax for once. I swear I stand taller an inch or two from start to finish. Every time i start with my chin as low as I can in the round hole and not a third of the way into it it feels like my eyebrows are even with the top.
It's not sex. It's completely different. I would imagine everyone has different hurts and needs. It's like an abundance of healing that overlap and cause confusion sometimes, but there's a tremendous distinction between calming healing touch and massage and sensual touch and arousal.
I really wish they would legalize erotic massage just so the two would always be distinct. Aside from touch, the two services really share nothing in common. It's a problem here as sex workers are always taking over legitimate spots until they've burned through the legitimacy. Now, if my provider is "on vacation" I'll wait a month and call again. If they are still "on vacation" I know it's a ruse and I need to find a new place.
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As a female, I love massages
