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I was very naive when I went to massage school. I was in my physical prime, so people would often give me the side eye and insinuate that I was going into sex work. It really surprised me, because of my background.
After a few years of practice, I began to notice and come to the conclusion that men actually crave touch. Nurturing. They crave touch and nurturing because as a child they usually got that from their mother (sad if they didn't) and in the course of growing up they receive less and less of it, and more and more of "toughen up, don't cry, don't be sentimental, "be a man" etc. They also might be experiencing a lack of touch, caressing, and/or sex in their relationships. This leads a lot of them to think what they want is sex, when oftentimes it's touch and endorphins they've craving.
Men would often ask me for sex work and I was very tempted because therapeutic massage is NOT a lucrative career. What I learned through talking with others, both non-sex workers and actual sex workers, is that men often think they want sex when they really want touch and the good feelings (endorphins) that come with it. Some men, often wealthy men, according to a couple sex workers I knew back then, didn't even want sex, they wanted conversation. They helped with financial investment and real estate.
If women made as much money as men, and there weren't as much pressure on women to spend money on hair, makeup, mani/pedis, clothing, shoes, handbags, jewelry - it's endless - they'd be getting massages just as much as men - if they could get over being embarrassed about their bodies. Massage therapist don't care about how your body looks. We've seen it all. Most people have some sort of bodily flaw - big deal. The point is to get beyond that and experience what a massage is about. Getting a good massage is like hitting your second wind during a run. There is almost nothing like it.
There are a lot of reasons that men seek out massage, but sex is not the only, or often not the main reason.
I didn't, and yes, it is sad.
I never actually crave touch, or expect it, and never did, but quite the opposite.
I'm not sure I would feel comfortable having a massage, and feel it would be somehow wrong. Maybe I'm thinking of the happy endings thing, which I believe many expect.
I never actually crave touch, or expect it, and never did, but quite the opposite.
I'm not sure I would feel comfortable having a massage, and feel it would be somehow wrong. Maybe I'm thinking of the happy endings thing, which I believe many expect.
I was a massage therapist for about 5 years, and no one expected a happy ending. But I was working in clinics and community health programs, and also for a spa service, where the owner screened the men who called for appointments, to make sure they were after legit massages. I think the environment in which a MT practices may help avoid clients looking for something other than therapeutic massage.
How do I get a massage therapist to shut up so I can relax? lol
This is an interesting question. Have you gotten massage therapists who chatter through the whole thing, like hairdressers do?
Most MT's I know or have had massage from are quiet the entire time. They focus on their work. There's a surprising intuitive aspect to massage work. Often there's a subtle, silent communication between the client's muscle tissue and the therapist, that the therapist tunes into. Sometimes it seems like the hands are tuning into that on their own, and go where they're needed, even if the client neglected to mention certain areas that need work.
Tuning in on that subtle level can't happen, if there's chattering going on. I sometimes had to ask the clients to refrain from talking, so I could give them a better massage, is how I put it. They were happy to comply.
I'm no longer a therapist, and yes a lot of women do get massages but not in my experience (lots of variables there).
You are reminding me that when I first became a thearpist back in 1993 I desperately wanted to create a 501(c)(3) that would recruit massage volunteers to go into nursing homes, assisted living facilities, womens' shelters, etc. to give massages, especially to battered children. I contacted an attorney who told me that there are so many liability issues it would be difficult to set up such an organiation. Since then, there have been some organizations set up like that, but not in my area.
In addition, when I contacted some massage therapist friends about my idea, I was dismayed to discover that they had no interest. None at all. Not being able to set that up is one of the big regrets of my life. I have volunteered, but not to the extent I would have liked.
Adults "rubbing down" children what could go wrong............
I've been considering Massage Envy, if I get back into the field. A therapist who worked there once told me, that they don't pay much, but they give you a benefits package that includes a retirement plan. That sounds very tempting, but the question is, when the young therapists who start out with them reach retirement age, will the business still be there? Will they be able to collect on their retirement?
A few years ago, they were only paying $15/hr. Back around 2004, I was getting $40/hr. working for a spa business, and the same at a clinic. (Though that was unusual: a more typical rate was low-to-mid $30's). So Massage Envy is making a lot of money off their therapists. It would be a good enough deal, if there were some guarantee of collecting on the money they take from therapists, upon retirement. I would love that; it would save me the trouble of dealing with the paperwork and tax reporting involved, in running my own massage business, even if all I do is "contract" work for clinics, etc.
I've also heard, that at ME, it's the luck of the draw as far as getting a quality massage goes. But the same is true at massage businesses that hire more experienced therapists, too.
Stop..........the retirement plan was likely a 401K which YOU have to fund. 2 problems:
1. How much of the $15 an hour can you set aside for retirement and still pay your bills?
2. How long can you survive on the net wage after the 401K contribution?
Answer...........you won't make it 90 days, you will never see any retirement
I never actually crave touch, or expect it, and never did, but quite the opposite.
I'm not sure I would feel comfortable having a massage, and feel it would be somehow wrong. Maybe I'm thinking of the happy endings thing, which I believe many expect.
People would only expect that from a place in a strip mall or a place they saw in the back of a magazine. Most massage places are legit. If you go to a hotel or casino spa or a place like Massage Envy, not only wouldn’t anyone expect that, anyone who intimated that’s what they wanted would probably get kicked out.
Stop..........the retirement plan was likely a 401K which YOU have to fund. 2 problems:
1. How much of the $15 an hour can you set aside for retirement and still pay your bills?
2. How long can you survive on the net wage after the 401K contribution?
Answer...........you won't make it 90 days, you will never see any retirement
You're assuming the bolded. There's no way to pay into a 401K from $15/hr.; that's nonsensical. Whatever the retirement plan is, it's clear that the contributions come from the $$ the business takes in per massage for each therapist, i.e. from the remainder of what would normally be the therapist's share for each massage, after paying the therapist $15. Do they pay more in high COL areas, and charge more there, as well? IDK. I haven't even begun to research the business.
People would only expect that from a place in a strip mall or a place they saw in the back of a magazine. Most massage places are legit. If you go to a hotel or casino spa or a place like Massage Envy, not only wouldn’t anyone expect that, anyone who intimated that’s what they wanted would probably get kicked out.
Exactly. And massage businesses that kick clients out for inappropriate behavior are, by law, not required to refund the fee paid upon entry. The client forfeits the fee. Clinics that require payment up front don't run into the problem the other poster was concerned about.
Adults "rubbing down" children what could go wrong............
Interesting that's the first thing you think of "rubbing down." Rather tawdry, don't you think?
Battered children (and women and men) need caring touch. Foot massage, hand massage, head, neck and shoulder massage. Very necessary as part of the healing process. The way it would have been set up is chair massage fully clothed. Invalids who were bedridden would have been given the same while lying in bed. The chair would likely be a very comfortable recliner. What might be included is washing of the feet (like in the Bible). Not difficult to include as part of a foot massage.
This is an interesting question. Have you gotten massage therapists who chatter through the whole thing, like hairdressers do?
Most MT's I know or have had massage from are quiet the entire time. They focus on their work. There's a surprising intuitive aspect to massage work. Often there's a subtle, silent communication between the client's muscle tissue and the therapist, that the therapist tunes into. Sometimes it seems like the hands are tuning into that on their own, and go where they're needed, even if the client neglected to mention certain areas that need work.
Tuning in on that subtle level can't happen, if there's chattering going on. I sometimes had to ask the clients to refrain from talking, so I could give them a better massage, is how I put it. They were happy to comply.
Absolutely. Many times a client would say "you knew exactly where to go and what to do." It was not always a conscious thing.
One time I got a massage from a chatty person. I finally figured out that I could tell her I was sleepy. It worked.
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