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I met an old friend I hadn't seen for years, we talked for two hours, exchanged some messages, met again to talk for an hour and then we parted - Canada and Scotland. I became since then flooded with very positive emotions...which have created a lot of anxiety I cannot explain. My heartbeat is constantly faster than before meeting that person, I am sleeping substantially less every night, and I very often think about that person, certainly every morning, afternoon and evening.
Positive emotional flooding?
I think that person triggered something in me, but I don't know what. All I can feel is a wonderful sense of being understood, of willing to please, to care, etc. Perhaps it's the fact that each of us is married and has their own family and so I am afraid that if I tell the other person my emotions I may either ruin our friendship, or - if this becomes a sentimental relationship - be detrimental for our own families.
I don't know what to do to stop my anxiety. Suggestions very welcome!
I'm guessing this is a friend that you're feeling an attraction to? It would seem to me, that the best way to reduce your anxiety is to really examine what this friendship is meaning to you. So, if you're feeling attraction, love, lust, etc., than you need to be honest to yourself about that, and then decide how to proceed.
If you're feeling love or attraction to this person, but you love your family and mate...than you have to let this relationship go. Titillation is delicious and all that, but it will cause lots of harm if you act on it.
I'm guessing this is a friend that you're feeling an attraction to? It would seem to me, that the best way to reduce your anxiety is to really examine what this friendship is meaning to you. So, if you're feeling attraction, love, lust, etc., than you need to be honest to yourself about that, and then decide how to proceed.
If you're feeling love or attraction to this person, but you love your family and mate...than you have to let this relationship go. Titillation is delicious and all that, but it will cause lots of harm if you act on it.
Thank you very much, this is a very sensitive suggestion. I need to be honest with myself about what I feel, indeed...I just wonder whether it's at all possible to determine exactly what I feel for a person (my partner) whom I've been around everyday for 12 years, as well as for another one (my old friend) whom I've known for 13. My sense is that, at this stage, it's impressively difficult.
I met an old friend I hadn't seen for years, ... I am afraid that if I tell the other person my emotions I may either ruin our friendship, or - if this becomes a sentimental relationship - be detrimental for our own families.
I don't know what to do to stop my anxiety. Suggestions very welcome!
It's my "sense of it" in reading your post that the attention this person gave you was something you are not getting in your marriage and family. The person has the "attraction of the remote" over the rut of life that might be your own. It may trigger thoughts in your mind that you want more of that "greener grass" over there, when reality tells you that you know that you love your partner and your family, and thus the "anxiety" of two divergent paths.
I won't be the only one to tell you (I hope) that while the attraction is likely real, the fantasy is not. Many have walked away from happiness to hell because they'd gotten so used to the happiness that the taste of it has lost the flavor.
In your situation, if I am correct, I would suggest that you set up a date with your spouse and have a heart to heart talk about how your meeting with your old friend reminded you of the excitement of newness the two of you once had, but seem to no longer. Tell your partner you want that sizzle back again. It's likely that person might realize that s/he is feeling the same. Make a plan to do things that one or both of you want to do with each other. Go through the Chamber of Commerce attractions marketing for visitors to your area, and set some dates. Take at least one day/night each week where it's just you two -- and go have some fun doing something you've never done before.
I am guessing that it won't take long for you to remember why you fell in love and started that family, why you both work so hard to make it work. And once that's come to you, work as hard -- or harder to keep that going.
If I am wrong, at least you will know that you tried. Just don't undermine your own efforts -- give the happiness you have a fair try, first.
There are sometimes in our life where we are flooded with emotions and at these times it is even harder to see things objectively. The first thought that came through my mind was that it sounds like there's some attraction going on between the two of you. The second was that this kind of attraction doesn't have to be sexual or romantic.
Sometimes with friends someone can have very loving feelings and it's not something that is out of control. There are many different ways to love someone. Me my best friend and his wife are very close and I feel so free with them. There have been times when it almost feels like a relationship because of all the love and care I receive, but that doesn't take away the love and care that I receive from my partner.
I think it's just chemistry. With some people you can vibe so much it's incredible. Enjoy your marriage and enjoy your friendships!
The first thought that came through my mind was that it sounds like there's some attraction going on between the two of you. The second was that this kind of attraction doesn't have to be sexual or romantic.
This is wise, thank you so much. You're also right that at this time, just a month after we parted, I can't see things through. The non-sexual and non-romantic attraction is very probably there (although sexual is certainly there, yet not massive from my side), and my sense is that this is exactly what puzzles me...what kind of attraction is it? There certainly is intellectual attraction but that's not very strong either. I feel it's something quite profound and sweet, a connection which somehow feels close to storge.
I definitely need more time to find out, and I decided to go and see a therapist who might be able to help me. After one month with very few hours of sleep every night, I just can't go on like that.
This forum already provided very meaningful support. I'm new here and man, this was a gift to me. THANK YOU! Please do continue posting replies, I would immensely appreciate it.
Do a quick search on the words "anima" and "animus." Projecting your own animus onto another person is common, and you MAY be experiencing that.
Adults can have crushes as well. In those, hormones get involved, making rational judgment a little harder.
You'll sort it out. You are examining and exploring, and being healthy about it.
Thank you, that is a useful Jungian suggestion. I'm exploring, I'm examining, I'm involved, and that's because very few people stimulate me. Thank you.
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