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I find it so weird every time I see what I would consider a misplaced plea for condolences.
For instance, I was just reading an online message board about a topic completely unrelated to family or death or loss when someone posted that she had lost a loved one. Of course, that hijacks the thread as everyone responds with "thoughts and prayers" and other expressions of sympathy. I've seen it where people are even just snarking on some reality TV show. All lighthearted discussion of the show screeches to a stop while everyone sends love and hugs. Why do people do this? Do condolences from perfect strangers really make them feel better?
Is it just an attention grab? Or have they no friends?
And, of course, it's a modern internet phenomenon; in the past, no one would walk up to a group of strangers engaged in conversation to announce they've lost a loved one... I would hope. Thoughts?
I find it so weird every time I see what I would consider a misplaced plea for condolences.
For instance, I was just reading an online message board about a topic completely unrelated to family or death or loss when someone posted that she had lost a loved one. Of course, that hijacks the thread as everyone responds with "thoughts and prayers" and other expressions of sympathy. I've seen it where people are even just snarking on some reality TV show. All lighthearted discussion of the show screeches to a stop while everyone sends love and hugs. Why do people do this? Do condolences from perfect strangers really make them feel better?
Is it just an attention grab? Or have they no friends?
And, of course, it's a modern internet phenomenon; in the past, no one would walk up to a group of strangers engaged in conversation to announce they've lost a loved one... I would hope. Thoughts?
This reminds me of news articles reporting a death. 90% of the comments are prayers and condolences.
Which is fine if it’s a local and you might know them. But reports of celebrities and statespersons. Do you really think the family is gonna see your comment? Doubtful.
I guess it makes people feel better to express sympathy or empathy.
This reminds me of news articles reporting a death. 90% of the comments are prayers and condolences.
Which is fine if it’s a local and you might know them. But reports of celebrities and statespersons. Do you really think the family is gonna see your comment? Doubtful.
I guess it makes people feel better to express sympathy or empathy.
That bugs me, too. I'm always "that person" asking what happened or how they died and invariably someone shushes me, as if the relatives were all avidly perusing that particular thread, which I seriously doubt.
Call me nosy or morbidly curious, which I am, but I think figuring out what happened and perhaps how to prevent it in other cases is more valuable than "thoughts and prayers" from strangers who, in all honesty, most likely aren't thinking of or praying for them at all.
At any rate...
I get why people feel compelled to express sympathy when prompted; I just wonder why people would solicit it from strangers and whether or not they actually find comfort in it.
Last edited by otterhere; 09-01-2022 at 07:04 PM..
And, of course, it's a modern internet phenomenon; in the past, no one would walk up to a group of strangers engaged in conversation to announce they've lost a loved one... I would hope. Thoughts?
Some people might.
I mean, yes, you're right, most things you see on the internet are a "modern internet phenomenon". I was going to start a thread earlier asking why so many neurotic and psychologically unwell people gravitate towards the internet, but decided against it. You, I, we already know the answer to these questions. The internet allows these behaviors with little repercussion. There are repercussions in real life, so people (with sense) generally avoid these behaviors. There's only one person I know in real life who acts similar to how I perceive a lot of neurotic/mentally unwell people on internet forums. And guess what? Her life is a wreck and she's floundering. I just need to figure out her CDF user name.
Perhaps they don't have anyone else to talk to about their loss? And that doesn't mean they're "losers" or anything - some folks simply don't have a lot of family and/or friends, for a number of reasons. Maybe their family members are narcissists, or everyone they loved is gone now, etc.
I lost my father last year; and no, that's not a plea for sympathy or "thoughts and prayers." In fact, all of that actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. But it was hard to talk about with anyone at first, and now (19 months later) it's healing to talk about him and the loss. So yeah, maybe that's why? Or they're simply drama queens. Everyone is different.
That's valid... But there are plenty of appropriate places on the internet to share one's grief and garner sympathy for it. I'm talking about complete non sequiturs.
One could also ask if condolences from strangers on those sites are genuinely meaningful to them, but at least those are strangers with shared experiences.
I also see a lot of posts on Facebook basically soliciting sympathy for this or that misfortune, but those are directed to family and "friends" (or in theory, anyway).
It's true that not everyone has someone with whom to share their feelings, but not everyone consequently seeks to do so in a public forum on an unrelated topic. Maybe they're just so desperate to do so that the reason for the "gathering" is irrelevant...
I also see a lot of posts on Facebook basically soliciting sympathy for this or that misfortune, but those are directed to family and "friends" (or in theory, anyway).
There are many levels of this, lol. I have a few friends who will post about EVERY misfortune that befalls them, from a stubbed toe to the death of a parent. Sometimes they'll even post about losses that aren't their own (like the parent of a friend), in an attempt to gain sympathy by association. These folks are usually just desperate for attention of any kind, good or bad. Maybe they didn't get enough attention as a child? Who knows.
But when you do suffer a genuine loss, it's pretty normal - even expected - these days to share that on your social medias. I posted on Facebook about my father the day after he passed, more as a tribute/eulogy than to garner sympathy. And also to inform everyone who didn't already know, as I certainly didn't have the energy to contact every person individually. That's pretty normal behavior, I think, at least by modern standards.
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It's true that not everyone has someone with whom to share their feelings, but not everyone consequently seeks to do so in a public forum on an unrelated topic. Maybe they're just so desperate to do so that the reason for the "gathering" is irrelevant...
I think that's really it, at least for some folks. When you're grieving, often it helps to talk about that with other people. Even strangers.
Yesterday, in certain Posts I.made, do not remember the exact Threads, it occurred to me as I posted Thursday, Friday would have been Bruce's 76th birthday. It occurred to me as I was Posting, just a sudden realization. Not for sympathy, attention.
Did come here 10 years ago, possibly when the Grief and Mourning Thread began. When Bruce transitioned to his eternal home, people do not know what to say, do. Even meeting for more than several years at a place of worship, no response after his Celebration of Life. Our sons lived in another state.
Grief and Mourning Thread, several widows my age, 65 or so, even strangers at the time, we did find comfort, encouragement, empathy. No question stupid, i.e. When do you take off your wedding ring ?
Does this help you understand ?
Also, just learned to ask about the departed their name, favorite memory. Having done this myself, it's more than appreciated. Learned this from.a recent widow. Take a meal, ask if I may run an errand. Bring paper products (nspkins, paper plates, toilet paper) for visiting family, friends.
Myself, before Bruce died, Tired to get information, no one seem to know. All I heard "If there's anything I can do for you..... Bruce would have so enjoyed a short visit, Cookies !
After 24 years being disabled, now Stage 4 ? ! We were numb !
Yesterday, in certain Posts I.made, do not remember the exact Threads, it occurred to me as I posted Thursday, Friday would have been Bruce's 76th birthday.
This is weird. I was just talking about the recent loss of my father... his name was Bruce... and he would have been 76 this month. Coincidence? I thought for a moment you were one of my family members! My condolences for your loss, regardless.
(oops, he would have been 75; still weird, though)
Yes, that's a Grief and Sympathy forum; that I can understand. If you don't have flesh-and-blood people close to you who can relate, strangers empathizing online is better than nothing. I would imagine stories are exchanged and strategies for coping shared, as well.
Again, I'm talking about inserting it into a reality TV snark message board. Or a forum devoted to sharing intermittent fasting tips. Or someone's else's post seeking advice for their own unrelated problem. Etc. In the form of an abrupt announcement followed by, as I said, not constructive help, but "thoughts and prayers."
It's all rather banal.
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