Understanding Sarcasm and Humor in serious discussions (passive, adult, people)

[Tzaphkiel]

"Sarcasm is not only hurtful, it is also the least genuine mode of communication." Someone may see it as "an attempt to lighten the mood" but "unfortunately it tends to have the opposite effect." Sarcasm is seen as "malicious and annoying."

"Research says that sarcasm is merely thinly veiled meanness. In fact, a recent study shows that teasers usually believe their words are less hurtful than their victim thinks." "I believe sarcasm is a simply a way of covering contempt or hate."
"So, why do people adopt sarcasm in the first place? Sarcasm happens for three reasons: insecurity, latent anger, social awkwardness.

from article Sarcasm: What It Is and Why It Hurts Us

[Tzaphkiel]

"Sarcasm isn’t humor. It’s hostility. And it makes people feel bad. It may be challenging to accept this, especially if the statement that sarcasm is not humor raised your hackles. Sarcasm derives from Greek words that mean “tearing of the flesh.” Sarcasm is hostility disguised as humor. That’s why when someone says something sarcastic to you, you don’t feel good. Sarcasm is unsettling. If you challenge it, the person can say, “What? I was just kidding!” But it doesn’t feel like kidding. It feels like veiled criticism. Because that’s exactly what it is, regardless of its superficial deniability."

from The Problem with Sarcasm

[Tzaphkiel]

and more:

here What Sarcasm Means About Your Mental Health
"You need attention, you have low self worth, you are angry, you are being selfish."

and here Nine reasons to stop being sarcastic
"Sarcasm is cynical. Sarcasm is mean. Sarcasm is a product of negative thinking."

and here 10 Reasons Why Sarcasm Is So Damaging
"Sarcasm is an indirect way to criticize. Thinly veiled insults, a tool for shaming, demoralizing for others, alienates others, obstacle to intimacy, credibility of speaker is questioned, sarcasm prevents people from trusting you. Sarcasm is a boot camp for training yourself to be cruel. Sarcasm is an expression of contempt. "

"It is extremely tiring to be around sarcastic individuals."
yes, bold above says it all

[D217]

Originally Posted by Kristinas_Cap

There have been many articles and even scholarly journals on sarcasm and intelligence. Personally, i have found that injecting sarcasm into serious discussions and debates also adds levity to the discussion. to show humor and lightheartedness. Obviously there are many out there (even in positions of power) who clearly do not have the cognitive ability to process sarcasm and end up getting offended by sarcasm because they don’t understand sarcasm. Has anyone ever had experience with people who just don’t get it? What are they like? how do you handle their reactions? How do you navigate conversations with people who don’t understand the point you’re conveying? does everything have to be spelled out for them?

Sarcasm is mostly wasted on anyone over 75 years old and under 35, so don't even bother with them.

[tasmtairy]

We have a lot of sarcasm in our family, my Mom was the best, passed in 2007 but my Dad and brother keep it going just for our family.

With friends, I may inject some light humor when things get too weird or political, I get quiet and annoyed so I will say something to sort of change the subject.

[SnazzyB]

Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel

and more:

here What Sarcasm Means About Your Mental Health
"You need attention, you have low self worth, you are angry, you are being selfish."

and here Nine reasons to stop being sarcastic
"Sarcasm is cynical. Sarcasm is mean. Sarcasm is a product of negative thinking."

and here 10 Reasons Why Sarcasm Is So Damaging
"Sarcasm is an indirect way to criticize. Thinly veiled insults, a tool for shaming, demoralizing for others, alienates others, obstacle to intimacy, credibility of speaker is questioned, sarcasm prevents people from trusting you. Sarcasm is a boot camp for training yourself to be cruel. Sarcasm is an expression of contempt. "

"It is extremely tiring to be around sarcastic individuals."
yes, bold above says it all

I don't really have a problem with these definitions. But what I notice a lot is that some people want a podium to freely say troublesome speech with no repercussions. Well, screw that. There will be sarcastic repercussions.

[Sonic_Spork]

I had a feeling that if I read this thread, I'd encounter the hardcore anti-sarcasm perspective, as this is not the first time I've seen the subject come up on City Data.

I suspect that part of the disconnect can be (as is often the case) related to definitions. What exactly are we talking about here? Are we actually referring to attempts at humor that lean heavily on meanness, cynicism and negativity? My understanding of the technicality of the term, was that it was saying something when you don't mean what you are saying or perhaps mean the opposite.

"I have a dentist appointment, and let me tell ya, I can't wait. I'm just so excited I could do a little dance." Given the understood premise that most people don't look forward to going to the dentist, of course. Is that mean? Or is it just an attempt to inject a little levity into a mundane statement in a vaguely relatable way?

Have I seen sarcasm used in terrible ways? Oh heck yes I have. My ex used to use it a lot when basically terrorizing the family because one of the kids made him angry. Sometimes it would go from sarcastic speech to over the top action, like for instance... The kid did not do the dishes as promised. Ex would yell sarcastically that if the boy couldn't be bothered, hey, he'll play along clearly we don't need or want dishes to eat off of in this house. His next step would be to gather up the dishes and throw them in the trash. Or the sarcastic statement might be that the kid clearly just loved filth. Before putting the dirty dishes, food and all, into our son's bed. Who do you think cleaned this up and comforted the kid? Yeah, me. We aren't together anymore, there are reasons for that.

But sarcasm is hardly the only linguistic or expressive tool that a nasty person can use to abuse others with. And like most techniques of humor, expression, and communication, it can be readily used for good or harm. I have a sometimes sarcastic sense of humor, but very rarely a mean one. And when my mind does flip to "snark mode" (as I call it)...it's generally because someone has behaved in a way that made me decide that they're just freaking terrible--they have fired the first shots, and now they deserve whatever they have coming. I won't apologize for snarking a bully. Of course, predictably, when anyone stands up to someone with a bully mindset, their usual reaction is to burst into tears and run to "teacher" (or whatever authority they think is on their side.) Such people often feel entitled to dish it out, but cannot begin to take it.

But yeah, that's the principle at work when I enjoy a professional comedian using sarcasm to make cutting remarks about a public figure who has engaged in bully behavior. If they earned, they earned it.

I have found though, in real life, since I have moved around to different parts of the country like 5 times... Humor is one of those things that definitely has subtle variations in different places. A more brittle and perhaps cynical form of sarcasm may be more readily understood in, say, the DC sprawl, than in the Midwest. And I have found that sometimes when I'm new to an area, I am socially awkward for a while because I haven't yet adapted to the new vibe. I recall making what I thought was a very funny comment to an employee at a post office, shortly after moving to Colorado (wish I could remember the joke, but I can't) and the dude just stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. Yet months and years later, I'd found the current and my social interactions were smooth sailing. I can't analyze what changed exactly, but I believe that over time we just adjust in ways we aren't conscious of, until we "fit" wherever we find ourselves among other people.

But of course, tone doesn't convey in text. I definitely have felt a need to be careful in my writing so that intended meaning isn't lost on the reader.

[thinkalot]

Originally Posted by ciceropolo

A couple things. Sarcasm is highly dependent on commonality, reference or shared history. Yes, I do know people who just don't get a lot. I think some just don't pick up the social, audio, body language cues well.

If I'm around someone who uses sarcasm a lot, I have a tendency to blot them out, since to me, it becomes like 'purposefully broadcast interference' on a transceiver - receiver communication device. It gets annoying to have to process something through multiple filters (not due to lack of cultural linguistic sameness, but rather, due to a perceived need to be 'funny'). I used to work a part time job for years and one of the guys was a total boor that could not shut it off or get 'new material'. You know the type, they say something 'sarcastic', and then look to you for affirmation that they 'made a joke'.

Sarcasm is highly nuanced and needs the proper context to work effectively. When I used to do training in a job long ago, I would incorporate humor into presentations and would occasionally include sarcasm, but I made sure to convey via audible delivery cues that *wink-nudge* I'm being sarcastic. And that I am not insulting my audience, but rather referencing the common annoyances they all likely encountered dealing with public.

Those who can deliver sarcastic comments with deadpan delivery tend to try my nerves when it is a professional environment, as I prefer the most expedient form of effective communication (transceiver - receiver). I often go into playing dumb mode altogether (tune them out) to discourage purveyor of excessive sarcasm. Analogous to game theory option three (do not play). And I'm not sorry for squashing someone's attempts at humor, when I feel the context doesn't warrant it.

On the other hand, under another set of circumstances where the agreed upon or accepted repartee within an environment has 'sarcasm' as a normal form of goading humor, I will 'play'. An example would be talking about sports. So, for example, what I find I do, is compartmentalize my sarcasm usage to abide within somewhat agreed parameters for discourse. For example, say at a sporting event with a group, or a get together at party or cookout etc.... a non formal type convention where sarcastic banter 'plays better' as part of the dialogue. Or something like a "Roast" where it would be the expected format.


This is an excellent example by Bill Maher.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=schuzjknjYE


Dennis Miller and his sarcastic smarmy SNL News reports would often be hilarious, but when he tried briefly as commentator on Monday Night NFL football games it was terrible. So much of sarcasm success depends on your audience.

I don't think Dennis Miller was terrible on MNF. He just had a larger audience of those that don't get it.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by SnazzyB

I don't really have a problem with these definitions. But what I notice a lot is that some people want a podium to freely say troublesome speech with no repercussions. Well, screw that. There will be sarcastic repercussions.

sarcasm IS troublesome speech.
so the approach described in post above engages in the very behavior, which they say they find objectionable in others.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by D217

Sarcasm is mostly wasted on anyone over 75 years old and under 35, so don't even bother with them.

source? link? data?